Chapter 0320 Extra – Cao Qingran: The Mother’s Image, the Child’s Image

From a young age, Cao Qingran was told by her father and grandfather: You are the future Crown Princess, the future Empress who will mother the world.

Cao Qingran did not want to be Empress.

Being Empress meant practicing the zither until her fingers cramped and she could no longer hold chopsticks to eat. Being Empress meant embroidering until her hands were covered in needle pricks, with more bloodstains on the silk than embroidery patterns. Being Empress also meant practicing calligraphy and painting until dawn, her mood so irritable she felt like destroying the entire world.

If she failed to learn well, the adults would confine her, withholding food and giving her only two bowls of water to quench her thirst.

Back then, Cao Qingran deeply envied the birds flying freely outside her window.

She had no love for music, chess, calligraphy, or painting, nor did she care for managing household affairs. She wished to wield swords and spears like the men of the Cao family, to lash out with a whip and strike down those who forced her to do what she disliked.

But she could not resist. Powerless and weakened by hunger, she could only bow her head and fulfill the tasks assigned by her family, becoming the Crown Princess and Empress the Cao family wanted her to be.

At least… the Crown Prince was quite handsome.

He was one of Jingcheng’s most renowned young beauties, humble and approachable, never viewing women as weak or foolish. He had candidly praised her, saying she was even more outstanding than he was as the Crown Prince, and believed no one but her was suited to be the Crown Princess.

The Cao family took this as confirmation that their training methods were correct.

“The Crown Prince admires cultured and refined women like you, skilled in music, chess, calligraphy, and painting.”

But they were wrong.

The moment she saw the tender, restrained gaze her future husband directed at Hua Ning, Cao Qingran realized the Cao family had been utterly mistaken.

The Crown Prince did not favor cultured, gentle, and steady women.

What he admired were bold, radiant women with exceptional martial skills—the very image she had once aspired to become.

Everything she had endured—her fingers aching to the bone from practice, her stomach cramping from hunger, her legs trembling from posture drills under the ruler’s strikes—all became a mockery the moment the girl in red flourished her whip with dazzling grace.

Cao Qingran could not help but feel a twinge of jealousy.

Three parts envy for Hua Ning’s freedom from family pressure, three parts envy for Hua Ning’s beauty and kindness that made her feel ashamed of her own flaws, and three parts envy for Hua Ning’s exemption from the grueling practice of music, chess, calligraphy, and painting, allowing her to roam the world freely with her sword, as unbound as a bird in flight.

The final part of her jealousy stemmed from Hua Ning’s ability to effortlessly captivate the Crown Prince, yet she showed no interest in him, preferring instead the frail young minister and leaving the lofty Crown Prince to suffer the pangs of unrequited love.

Yet Cao Qingran found it impossible to resent Hua Ning.

She admired Hua Ning, as if admiring another version of herself.

The vibrant young woman allowed Cao Qingran to imagine how carefree and unrestrained she herself could have been, had she been born a child of the jianghu.

She had once been grateful that Hua Ning loved the young minister.

Later, she grew resentful that Hua Ning did not love the Crown Prince.

If Hua Ning had loved the Crown Prince, perhaps Cao Qingran could have sealed her heart and focused solely on courtly schemes, paving the way for her future son’s ascension to the throne. Then she would not have developed unnecessary affection for the Crown Prince, nor would she have futilely tried to insert herself between them, hoping to claim a place in their eyes.

Affection.

Jealousy.

Inferiority.

Resentment.

These emotions tangled within her, making Cao Qingran feel like a drowning swimmer. She excelled at concealing her feelings, yet this only sank her deeper into the mire.

Outwardly calm and composed, inwardly, her heart was already a turbulent sea.

The final straw that crushed Cao Qingran was discovering how much Xie Chengze resembled the young Minister of Ceremonies from years past—too pure and flawless.

That year, the Cao family feared Hua Ning, worried that Emperor Jian’s favor towards Consort Hua would lead to her unborn child being named Crown Prince.

They continuously pressured Cao Qingran, wanting her to kill Xie Chengze.

Cao Qingran couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Because she knew the child in Hua Ning’s womb belonged to the young Minister of Ceremonies.

The Minister of Ceremonies had been a good man, and no matter how wretched Cao Qingran considered herself, she couldn’t bear to let his only bloodline die by her hand.

In defiance, she gradually extended her influence into the Cao family’s power structure, enduring their immense pressure as she witnessed Xie Chengze’s birth.

He was truly adorable.

Looking exactly like his mother.

When the toddler first learned to speak, he would blink his bright, clear eyes and call out “Mother Empress” in his childish voice.

“Mother Empress, hold me.”

“Mother Empress, carry me on your back.”

“Mother Empress, peel the fruit for me.”

How could she not love this child? Yet she also feared this clever, sensitive child who seemed capable of seeing through people’s hearts.

His eyes told her he could perceive her wariness toward him and her unwillingly acknowledged affection.

So he tried to get closer, wanting to hear her speak words of love.

Cao Qingran deliberately withheld them.

She maintained an aloof distance from Xie Chengze, watching the insecure child try various ways to please her. Secretly delighted, she would mock and despise herself.

How pathetic that she would use such tactics on a child.

Too pitiful.

But Cao Qingran couldn’t help herself.

She almost greedily enjoyed this sense of control. She no longer envied Hua Ning for having everything she wanted, because the son she loved most was craving her “affection.”

Therefore, when she saw young Xie Chengze crawling toward the newborn Xie Jinyu, hugging him while sweetly calling him “little brother,” his entire being radiating the desire to always accompany Xie Jinyu in sleep and play, another kind of jealousy rose in Cao Qingran’s heart.

Jealousy toward her own biological son.

She held no affection for Xie Jinyu—by then she no longer loved Emperor Jian. This piece of flesh from her body was merely a tool to stabilize the Cao family and facilitate her gradual seizure of power.

Now this tool was taking away the only thing she could control.

Cao Qingran forbade Xie Chengze from approaching Xie Jinyu anymore, and eventually began prohibiting other consorts’ children from getting close to Xie Chengze. The women in the palace feared the Cao family’s power and worried she might harm their children, so they tacitly kept their distance from Cheng Huan Palace.

Cao Qingran wanted Xie Chengze isolated—so isolated that he could only gain a little affection from others by pleasing her.

She prided herself on understanding Xie Chengze thoroughly. This child seemed born with a need to absorb others’ affection. Even though Hua Ning and Emperor Jian gave him sufficient familial love, he always craved more, hoping everyone would like him.

This was what she firmly believed.

Until Xie Chengze discovered the wounds on Xie Jinyu’s body and for the first time lost his temper at Emperor Jian. To treat Xie Jinyu’s injuries and comfort him, he crawled into the cold bedding of the Eastern Palace’s bedroom during the harsh winter, just to warm Xie Jinyu’s feet and hands, subsequently developing a chronic cold condition from this.

Suddenly she understood—it wasn’t that Xie Chengze craved love.

Rather, he was the one loving others.

Loving the wicked mother empress who tried to control and isolate him, and loving the crown prince brother who out of jealousy wanted to push him into an icy lake.

So he kept his promise not to approach Xie Jinyu, yet also fought against her and broke that promise out of love for his brother.

Her heart softened.

She decided to turn a blind eye.

She began focusing on political maneuvers, eliminating all obstacles that might block Xie Jinyu’s path to the throne. Xie Shoujun’s scholarly and martial talents were already beginning to show promise at that time, surpassing even Emperor Jian in his youth. Given time, he would inevitably outshine Xie Jinyu and create numerous complications for his position as Crown Prince.

She intended to poison Xie Shoujun, but unexpectedly the palace maid committed suicide for her son’s sake, leaving behind a suicide note pleading with Emperor Jian not to appoint scholars to teach Xie Shoujun.

Though Cao Qingran felt no maternal affection for Xie Jinyu, she wasn’t incapable of understanding such emotions. She spared Xie Shoujun’s life, only going through the motions of poisoning when pressured by the Cao family.

Little did she know her own son would prove far more ruthless than her.

He directly sent Xie Shoujun to the border regions.

The childhood suffering that had once endured humiliation had unknowingly grown sharp claws, cultivated his own forces, and learned to use his numerous scars to win the affection of the one in Cheng Huan Palace. Like his mother, he began to dominate Xie Chengze’s emotional life.

Watching Xie Chengze protect Xie Jinyu like a loyal guardian, witnessing Xie Jinyu’s gaze toward Xie Chengze grow increasingly morbid and obsessive, Cao Qingran grew afraid.

Cao Qingran easily realized what fate would befall her and Xie Jinyu if she continued to allow Xie Chengze to remain by Xie Jinyu’s side.

Because of Hua Ning, she had already fallen into a state from which she could never recover in this lifetime.

She didn’t want her son to fall into the same predicament because of Xie Chengze.

That would be too pathetic.

She wanted to separate these two.

But she couldn’t bring herself to harm Xie Chengze.

What should she do?

What could she do?

Cao Qingran grew increasingly haggard. Qing Momo, who had cared for her since childhood, felt heartache for her. Learning of Cao Qingran’s thoughts, she made a trip out of the palace.

Upon returning, she presented the Soul Incense.

“Your Highness, take the other person’s blood and drip it on the incense tip, bury their birth characters beneath the incense base. Once this Soul Incense is lit, it can exchange their souls,” Qing Momo instructed. “If extinguished, the soul will return.”

Cao Qingran stared at the Soul Incense throughout the night, and ultimately lit that stick of incense.