Chapter 25: Humiliation – Green Tea Bitch

Lin Xihe was lost in thought when Qingwu came running along the flagstone path, calling “Miss!” from afar.

She turned at the sound—a string of glistening red candied hawthorn berries was being held high by Qingwu.

The corners of her eyes naturally curved downward: “Did you add sesame seeds?”

Qingwu said cheerfully: “Yes! The vendor said I didn’t know better, that adding sesame seeds would ruin the sweet crispness of the candied hawthorn. I had to go to the tavern and beg someone to sprinkle on some sesame seeds—it only cost one copper coin, quite a bargain, right?”

“What does that vendor know? Candied hawthorn with sesame seeds has soul!” Lin Xihe took a crisp bite, devouring one red berry.

“Here, you try one too.” She handed it over.

“How could I?” Qingwu hurriedly declined. How could a maid share her young mistress’s food?

Lin Xihe didn’t insist. She walked down the bridge—there were still two bridges ahead she hadn’t crossed. So she took Qingwu along the riverbank, eating while strolling.

The slender mistress and her plump maid swayed leisurely within Wen Zhixu’s field of vision. Every few steps the girl took, one red berry would disappear from the string in her hand.

He personally witnessed five berries successively vanish into her stomach, and suddenly, the elegant tea fragrance between his lips and teeth was invaded by an overwhelming sourness.

“Looking at what again?” Xie Qi approached in a few steps, intending to lean out and look down.

“A gluttonous beast.”

“Gluttonous beast? Let me see.” Xie Qi became interested, leaning half his body out the window.

Wen Zhixu kicked him. Xie Qi stumbled and fell to the ground, howling in pain—heaven knows, he hadn’t seen anything at all!

After being rejected by Wen Zhixu, Miss Zhao couldn’t save face and left the teahouse with her attendants.

After just a few steps, she encountered a young woman.

When Miss Zhao stopped in front of Lin Xihe, the latter still had sugar crumbs and sesame seeds at the corner of her mouth.

“Oh, if it isn’t the esteemed Miss Lin?” She looked Lin Xihe up and down.

Qingwu shielded Lin Xihe like a mountain collapsing, adopting a completely protective stance.

Lord Zhao’s official rank was a full two levels lower than Lin Zhaoheng’s, yet his entourage was several times larger. Qingwu stared at the six-person servant team behind Miss Zhao and dry-swallowed: Was she supposed to take on six people by herself?

Qingwu: “…Miss?”

“Hmm?” Lin Xihe rested her chin on Qingwu’s shoulder and stared fixedly at Miss Zhao.

Qingwu said weakly: “If I die, I’d like a fir wood coffin.”

Lin Xihe: “…”

She immediately elbowed Qingwu aside, telling her to “get out of the way,” then raised her eyebrows to look at Miss Zhao with an arrogant tone: “And who might you be?”

Miss Zhao sneered: “You’ve even forgotten me? I must say, after suffering from madness for so long, even if you’ve awakened, how clear could your mind possibly be?”

It seemed this Miss Zhao knew her. Lin Xihe had a sweet-and-sour hawthorn berry in her mouth. With delicious food before her, she didn’t want to ruin her appetite. She’d counterattack after finishing eating. Chomp chomp chomp, she chewed vigorously.

Qingwu defended her mistress: “What nonsense are you spouting! My young mistress has just recovered from a serious illness, and she’s more clever than anyone now!”

Lin Xihe stopped chewing: That sounds like you’re saying “I wasn’t clever before.”

The marriage arrangement between the Wen and Lin families had long been gossip material among noble ladies in the capital. Second Master Wen possessed such elegance, yet fate played tricks—his future wife was a fool. This thought had long been stuck in Miss Zhao’s heart, making her inexplicably frustrated. Humiliating Lin Xihe became the most natural outlet for her feelings.

Miss Zhao brushed away willow catkins drifting onto her sleeve: “Since Miss Lin is so clever, then do you know where Second Master Wen is at this moment?”

Lin Xihe rolled her eyes so hard they nearly reached the heavens: “Even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you! Wasting even one more word on this green tea bitch is a waste of time.”

Suddenly, her sleeve tightened as several chubby fingers appeared at the cuff, followed by a plump head squeezing out from under the sleeve, accompanied by a brilliantly foolish grin.

It was undoubtedly her cheap younger brother.

No need to guess—he’d skipped class again.

Lin Pinyan squeezed himself beside Lin Xihe, blocking Miss Zhao’s line of sight. His portly frame suddenly seemed imposing: “Of course my sister knows! Her future husband just brought her here himself—he drove the carriage personally, without even a coachman! And my sister even paid him a silver ingot as fare! That’s what you call romance!”

Miss Zhao: “…”

The murmurs that erupted couldn’t be suppressed. The dignified and self-possessed Second Master Wen had humbled himself to serve as a coachman, personally driving his future wife?

Miss Zhao felt utterly humiliated. Earlier, she had sent Wen Zhixu tea and preserved fruits, only to learn from the waiter that that glutton Xie had eaten them all.

Could it be that Wen Zhixu truly cared for Lin Xihe? But she’s an idiot! What could he possibly see in her?!

Lin Xihe’s gaze drifted toward the other end of Fubo Bridge, where children crowded around a candied hawthorn vendor. The red skewers on the straw rack were visibly dwindling.

Her heart burned with frustration—she hadn’t eaten her fill yet.

Hoping to end this war of words sooner, Lin Xihe told Miss Zhao: “Ah yes yes yes, I know exactly where Wen Zhixu is. He’s about to visit the latrine. Satisfied?”

Miss Zhao felt inexplicably suffocated: “You… insulting me is one thing… but how dare you disrespect Second Master Wen as well!”

Lin Xihe remained silent: Well, I’m not wrong. Even emperors shit and piss.

The atmosphere grew tense. None of Miss Zhao’s servants stepped forward to defend their mistress—everyone just wanted to watch these two esteemed young ladies tear into each other on the spot.

Miss Zhao mustered all her strength: “You—”

Lin Xihe sighed softly: “Ah, sister, your makeup is smudged.”

“???”

“Here, let me give you some advice,” said Lin Xihe, who had some knowledge of makeup from her previous life. She blinked her lashes as she examined Miss Zhao’s face. “Your powder is too thick, your blush too red, and your European double eyelids look rather unnatural.”

Miss Zhao stood frozen in place.

Lin Xihe: “My bad.” Ancient people wouldn’t understand modern slang.

Her eyes darted as she recalled Wen Zhixu’s pretentious manner of speaking, then imitated his classical style: “Sister, this makeup of yours—the powder lies heavy, creating discord between neck and face. The rouge burns fiercely, much like a monkey’s posterior. As for your eyelids…”

She suddenly closed in on Miss Zhao and exclaimed: “Oh! Your eyeliner is truly exquisite, the strokes steady and precise. If Master Xie Yan saw this, he might marvel at how these lines surpass even his brushstrokes in sharpness!”

A few steps away, Xie Qi—esteemed grandson of calligraphy master Xie Yan—stood gaping: “Wen Er, whose family does this young lady belong to? What a formidable tongue she has.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, Wen Zhixu strode directly toward Miss Zhao.

Seeing this, Xie Qi broke into a cold sweat for Lin Xihe. When Wen Zhixu lost his temper, did he care whether the target was male or female? Though Xie Qi himself was no gentleman, he couldn’t bear to watch a young lady be lectured by Wen Er.

“Young lady, if you don’t run now, when will you? Wen Er’s tongue is far sharper than yours… Ah, you’ll need all the luck you can get.” Xie Qi’s tendency to be soft on beautiful women was acting up again.

To Miss Zhao, Wen Zhixu’s arrival before her felt like divine cavalry coming to her rescue.

Her lips trembled violently—she had been genuinely infuriated by Lin Xihe.

“Second Master,” her voice trembled with tears as she cast a pleading look toward Wen Zhixu, “Miss Lin just publicly humiliated both of us.”

Wen Zhixu turned, his peripheral gaze sweeping over Lin Xihe. “Did you insult her?”

Though Second Master Wen had rejected her, he was unexpectedly willing to stand up for her. Miss Zhao felt a surge of gratitude, lifting her chin as her pitiful affectation transformed into confident poise.

Lin Xihe’s eyes rolled halfway before settling on Wen Zhixu’s sharp profile. “I did… sort of?”

But she’d been quite civilized about it.

Author’s Note:

Next chapter will be VIP.

Upcoming novel: “My Imperial Seal Went on Strike”

Synopsis: The female lead’s soul transmigrates into the Imperial Seal, triggering a hilarious romance where the dog emperor chases her from ancient times to the modern era…

Interested readers please add to your collection!

Study influencer Yun Yi had just exited a stationery exhibition when a mad Taoist priest rushed toward her.

Spouting nonsense, he declared: “Purple qi comes from the east, you carry dragon’s aura – you were born to be emperor.”

Yun Yi: “Me, the second coming of Wu Zetian? Well, I’ll sleep early tonight then.”

Might as well dream big.

The priest produced a notebook with yellow talismans: “Just 666 yuan to fulfill your imperial destiny.”

“Nice hustle, bro.Yun Yi grabbed his robe with one hand while pointing at scattered cultural and creative products with the other. “Pay up!”

Afterward, she kept dreaming of a man in dragon robes every time she slept.

The dreams were continuous, like a TV series.

Season 1: Imperial Study.

Yun Yi stood motionless with a blank expression. The dog emperor slapped her bottom, making her stumble and sit.

Season 2: The Eastern and Western Empress Dowagers argued endlessly. When the emperor failed to mediate, he had to issue an edict.

Yun Yi wriggled uncomfortably before reluctantly sitting down.

Exhausted, sticky with grime, she desperately wanted a bath…

Season 3: The Prime Minister’s household was in chaos – wife, concubines, and mistresses had united to beat him. The old man claimed illness to avoid court.

The emperor raged: “We shall decree! Execute the old fool’s entire clan!”

Yun Yi rubbed her sore bottom. Bloodsucking feudal patriarch!

Even 996 overworked laborers didn’t suffer as much as her!

Since this was just a dream, she decided to quit. Went on strike.

The newly enthroned emperor finished drafting his decree but couldn’t find his Imperial Seal.

His imperial seal had disappeared…?

.

Xiao Zhi’s lifelong wish was to never become emperor.

This new era seemed promising – wars didn’t require massive armies, giant birds flew in the sky, dogs had metal skeletons and could even twerk.

Except the dark-skinned foreigner before him kept spouting gibberish.

“We— mmph!”

Yun Yi clamped her hand over his mouth, explaining to the foreign teacher: “My husband fried his brain playing emperor simulation games.”

Smoothing Xiao Zhi’s long hair, she reasoned with him: “These one-on-one IELTS lessons cost me 40,000. Please, just study properly, okay?”

Xiao Zhi closed the textbook: “Abandon. Let’s study something else.”

“No! I’m a study influencer! How will we earn money if you don’t learn?” Yun Yi steadied him, appealing to his emotions. “How will we support those three-and-a-half people outside?”

Beyond the classroom, three pairs of bright eyes watched intently.

The ninja-obsessed guard, the flamboyantly gay eunuch, the pregnant palace maid.

Limited time, heavy responsibilities – they needed to make money!

Xiao Zhi: “My tomb is at XXX coordinates. Let’s go dig it up tonight? The burial goods are quite substantial.”

Yun Yi glared: “I’m enrolling you in another course – law.”

“We are the law!”

“…If you keep this up, the mental hospital will come to take you away!”

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Note on the term “gluttonous wretch” in this chapter: It means a greedy, voracious person. Quoted from Huang Tingjian of the Song dynasty’s “Inscription on Xu’s Painting of Fish”: “It merely makes gluttons drool.”