Chapter 6: Brother-in-Law, The Top Profligate

Wen Zhixu was instructing a servant to fetch medicine when a sharp exclamation suddenly came from behind the courtyard wall: “It’s all because of that bastard Wen Zhixu!”

The curse was so absurd that he paused mid-step, wondering if he was hallucinating.

“It’s entirely his fault!” the voice added.

It was unmistakably Lin Xihe’s voice.

Her lazy, chubby maid, who usually avoided work, now put on an air of studious curiosity: “Miss, what does ‘bastard’ mean?”

“It means turtle’s egg.”

“Turtle’s egg…” The maid pondered for a moment, then her voice suddenly brightened, “Miss, I understand! It’s like the big turtle that climbs out of the pond to sun its back!”

“Hahaha, you catch on quick!” The young lady’s laughter rippled through the courtyard, utterly delighted.

A vein throbbed at Wen Zhixu’s temple. He immediately turned to leave—he couldn’t stay here another moment. He’d rather squeeze in with his grandfather than live here.

What a joke, him being neighbors with Lin Xihe?

Only over his dead body.

He was moving out now!

The turtle in the pond glanced at Lin Xihe before plopping back into the water and disappearing among the aquatic plants.

Lin Xihe felt somewhat apologetic: “I wasn’t cursing at you.”

She watched as the small dark shadow swam leisurely along the waterway toward the boundary of the courtyard wall.

“Qingwu, is it going visiting?”

So the ponds of the Lin and Wen residences were connected after all.

“Don’t worry, Miss. It’ll return when it gets hungry.”

“But won’t the neighbors feed it?”

“When the Duchess was still here, the fish and turtles from Tinghe Pavilion always loved swimming over there. But later, Lady Wen she…” Qingwu fell silent.

“What happened to her?” Lin Xihe held her breath. This was about Wen Zhixu’s mother. If she had obediently followed her elders’ arrangements and married Wen Zhixu, wouldn’t Lady Wen have become her mother-in-law?

But being obedient was out of the question. The rift between them kept widening, and she and Wen Zhixu couldn’t stand the sight of each other.

Seeing that the young lady had just recovered from illness, Qingwu didn’t want to exhaust her with old stories about Lady Wen. Instead, she shared the common rumors circulating about the Wen residence.

Since Lady Wen left the household, Wen Zhixu seemed like a completely different person. The once studious young man had become increasingly gloomy and unpredictable. He now spent his days pampering exotic birds, insisting on exquisitely crafted cages, and leading Lin Pinyan to frequent cockfighting and dog racing dens, throwing away fortunes on cricket fights.

“Don’t make excuses for his ‘tragically beautiful’ act. As a third-generation official, he’s lived too comfortably. Wait until his family falls into decline and he’s so poor he has to eat coarse buns every day—all his young master ailments will be cured.”

“Miss, what does ‘tragically beautiful’ mean? And what are coarse buns?”

“…” She blamed herself for talking too much and accidentally using modern terms. Unable to explain “tragically beautiful,” Lin Xihe only said coarse buns were a type of bun without filling.

Qingwu: “Similar to Imperial Academy buns? I’ve never had them.”

Lin Xihe’s heart went out to her “little assistant.” She declared generously, “Where can we buy some? I’ll get them for you.”

“I heard they’re only available in the Imperial Academy cafeteria. They’re not sold outside.” Qingwu’s eyes grew moist—the young lady treated her so well.

But Lin Xihe remembered that the gourd-shaped bun Wen Zhixu had given her was also called by that name. She couldn’t help curling her lip: “Pfft, don’t covet that wretched bun. I’ll make you a hamburger another day.”

Qingwu blinked: Hamburger? What new delicacy was that?

.

Wen Qi knelt, holding up a pearwood tray: “Second Young Master, I’ve brought the Jinchuang Yuzhi Powder.”

The tray was lined with a tasseled cloth, upon which rested an exquisite white jade medicine bottle—the Imperial-Gift medicine.

Wen Qi said respectfully, “I’ll deliver this to Miss Lin right away.”

“No need.” Wen Zhixu snatched the medicine bottle and tucked it into his inner sleeve.

Wen Qi: “But Miss Lin’s injury…?” She’s the future young mistress, the Second Master must be concerned about her.

Splashing sounds came from the backyard as Mo Hu dove into the pond, soon climbing ashore dripping wet with something in his mouth.

Mo Hu placed the captured turtle at his master’s feet, wagging his tail with sharp cracks.

Wen Zhixu looked down at the turtle shell, Lin Xihe’s words “turtle egg” exploding in his ears.

His face suddenly darkened: “Let her suffer with the pain then.”

Wen Qi fell silent, wondering what grudge existed between them. Although the Second Master was often moody, he was never this mean-spirited.

.

The next day, news of the fire at Wen Country Duke Manor spread throughout Shengjing. As the current Prime Minister, Wen Hongyuan received special inquiries from the emperor during morning court about whether the manor was safe.

After court, Wen Hongyuan ordered a strict investigation into the cause of the fire. According to servant accounts, firecracker sounds seemed to be heard before the blaze started.

Firecrackers? Wen Zhixu narrowed his eyes.

Meanwhile, the “culprit” sat in the classroom, yawning continuously.

The teacher who had been driven away by Lin Xihe had returned to teach today.

Just as Wen Zhixu stepped into Li Su Academy, he heard the teacher call out sternly: “Lin Pinyan.”

Then the elderly teacher’s voice suddenly changed: “What are you drawing there?”

The named Lin Pinyan nervously shifted his gaze, suddenly spotting Wen Zhixu outside the classroom.

His eyes lit up – hey, his backer had arrived!

The youth boldly produced the folding fan hidden under his desk. On the plain white fan surface was clearly painted a portrait of a black-faced figure, only barely identifiable as female from the hairstyle.

“HAHAHAHA—” The classroom erupted in instant laughter.

The teacher who had taken half a day off previously trembled with rage again: “Lin Pinyan! I asked you to copy cautionary passages from ‘Biographies of Wealthy Merchants,’ and this is what you do! Is this how you study the classics? What… what is this you’ve drawn?!”

“This is my elder sister.” Lin Pinyan straightened his back, his tone actually carrying some pride.

When the teacher saw the portrait, he trembled with cold rage—rumors about the Lin family female ghost returning from death were circulating widely, and he had taken leave recently precisely because of that Lin girl! Now her black-faced appearance was painted on a fan, openly challenging the academy’s authority.

Wen Zhixu’s heart sank—that brat Lin Pinyan was clearly shouting in his direction. Sensing trouble, he immediately turned to leave.

The boy’s voice followed him: “Second Brother… brother-in-law!”

“Second Master Wen, please stay.” The teacher’s voice came next, filled with resentment. “Take your future brother-in-law away. My humble temple cannot accommodate such a great Buddha.”

The classroom instantly erupted, children’s voices rising and falling—

“So Second Master Wen is Lin Pinyan’s brother-in-law!”

“He actually dares to marry the female ghost? Quite brave!”

“Why is Lin Pinyan’s sister’s face black? Is she the Black Impermanence? Second Master Wen’s face is quite pale though…”

As these words fell, numerous gazes turned toward Wen Zhixu.

The children suddenly understood: “So he’s the White Impermanence!”

“Black Impermanence and White Impermanence are a pair!”

Newly nicknamed Wen Zhixu: “…”

Well then. Before half a day passed, all the children in Shengjing would know he and Lin Xihe were locked together.

The classroom chaos became unbecoming. The teacher sternly declared: “Lin Pinyan, copy ‘Biographies of Wealthy Merchants’ fifty times.”

Lin Pinyan: “Fifty copies…?!”

The gilded wide plaque of the Wen Country Duke Manor stood imposingly majestic.

“Brother-in-law—” The chubby boy scurried forward with overlapping steps, his stout body blocking Wen Zhixu’s path home. Clasping the ugly fan in both hands, he offered it with drawn-out cadence: “Second Brother~ your fan.”

This kid had always known how to manipulate people—he was betting on Wen Zhixu’s soft heart.

Wen Zhixu indeed halted, his peripheral vision catching the boy’s arm and that crudely painted fan.

“My sister’s portrait should be kept for her beloved,” Lin Pinyan declared with conviction.

His words were immediately cut off by Wen Zhixu: “Who is her beloved!”

“Then you won’t be my brother-in-law anymore?” Lin Pinyan’s mouth drooped, a sour sensation rising in his nasal cavity. “Second Brother, I like you best. Only you are willing to play with me.”

This wasn’t untrue. Of the ten times Lin Pinyan skipped classes, at least six involved Wen Zhixu taking him to chase chickens and fight dogs. As for the remaining four—they were instances where the chubby boy stubbornly tagged along.

“That day you said the firecrackers were lit at your second sister’s request?” Wen Zhixu abruptly changed the subject.

Although Lin Pinyan’s mother was no easy opponent, Wen Zhixu understood the boy—this kid was all brawn and no brains. With his mental shortcomings, he couldn’t possibly devise such schemes.

“Huh?” The chubby boy looked up, nodding hurriedly. “Eldest Sister died, Second Sister was overjoyed, saying she could marry you in Eldest Sister’s place. I didn’t want to set off firecrackers originally, but Second Sister said when she marries into the Wen Manor, I could live there with you. Both of you would play with me every day.”

Wen Zhixu: “…”

“Second Brother, will you still be my brother-in-law?” As he spoke, Lin Pinyan stuffed the fan into Wen Zhixu’s sleeve.

The fan ribs clinked against the jade vase. Wen Zhixu instinctively gripped the fan handle.

“What?” His brow slightly lowered. Towering over the child, his shadow fell upon that youthful face. “If I don’t become this ‘brother-in-law,’ will you stop living?”

Lin Pinyan: “Life has many ways of living.”

A half-grown child spouting philosophy.

“Having a brother-in-law is one way, not having one is another.” His eyes sparkled. “Of course, life with a brother-in-law is the most fun!”

This kid—he hadn’t doted on him for nothing. Wen Zhixu’s lips curved slightly: “What counts as fun?”

“Don’t you think my sister is fun?” Mentioning “Lin Xihe” always made Lin Pinyan beam, as if Lin Xihe could tickle his funny bone from afar. “She used to be dull, not fun at all. But she’s different now!”

Wen Zhixu’s mind conjured that flustered, comical face from the artificial cave, thinking to himself: Last night’s scene was indeed amusing.

“Brother-in-law,” Lin Pinyan tugged his sleeve, “could you copy these thirty times for me?” He’d figure out the remaining twenty himself.

Wen Zhixu swatted away the brat’s chubby hand, tossing out, “Let your ‘fun’ sister copy them for you,” before flicking his sleeve and returning to the manor.

.

Back at the manor, the steward interrogated all the courtyard servants one by one.

Within an hour, the suspect was identified—the fireman responsible for heating bathwater.

According to the fireman’s confession: In a moment of foolishness, he had accepted bribes from the Lin Manor’s Second Young Miss, ordered to add special incense to Wen Zhixu’s bathwater.

“Absolutely non-toxic! Second Young Miss Lin said this was precious goods sold by Persian merchants, identical to the incense she uses herself… She… she simply admires Second Young Master.”

Wen Zhixu nearly rolled his eyes to the heavens! Was she trying to cure salted meat here? Who wanted to smell like that lump of lard?

“Where did the firecrackers come from?”

“Second Young Master, please forgive me!” The cook prostrated himself on the ground, trembling with fear. “Second Young Lady Lin said there were leftover firecrackers, so she rewarded them to this humble servant’s mischievous child…”

While on duty, the firecrackers had fallen from his robe. In his panic to stamp out the fuse, he accidentally kicked over a candle stand, thus causing the disaster.

The root of all evil ultimately pointed to Lin Pinyan’s own full sister—Lin Zhirou.

These Lins seemed to sprout everywhere like weeds, each and every one of them nothing but trouble.

Wen Zhixu made up his mind: his engagement with Lin Xihe must be called off. Even if the engagement were broken, the marriage would never fall to that Lin Zhirou.

How could he possibly entangle himself with any woman surnamed Lin in this lifetime!