Chapter 19 “I Am Your Husband.”

Si Jin sat back in the center of the bed. The man who claimed to be her husband held her hand firmly while using his other hand to retrieve a soft pillow and place it behind her back.

As the discomfort in her waist eased, she murmured softly, “Thank you.”

“For what?” Xiao Rong naturally pulled the quilt over her lower body and repeated, “I am your husband.”

Si Jin’s expression remained somewhat stiff, and the unfamiliar, peculiar sensation from their interlocked fingers persisted.

Unable to bear it, she struggled slightly and withdrew her hand: “I’m sorry, I don’t remember.”

Xiao Rong lowered his gaze to his now-empty palm, his eyes shadowed and unreadable.

Seeing him appear deeply affected, Si Jin grew flustered.

But Xiao Rong soon looked up again, the gloom in his eyes dissipating as he said gently, “It’s alright. What matters is that you’ve woken up, that you’re safe.”

“What… happened to me?”

Xiao Rong shifted closer on the bedside, his presence enveloping her: “I’ll explain everything later. For now, since you’ve just awakened, let the physician check your pulse.”

The mentioned physician promptly collected himself: “Madam, please allow me to take your pulse.”

With Xiao Rong so near, Si Jin could catch the crisp, clean scent clinging to him.

There was a faint, elusive familiarity to it, yet no memories surfaced.

When the physician approached bowing, their intimate proximity under others’ scrutiny made her uncomfortable again.

The man beside her keenly noticed her tension.

“What’s wrong?”

Si Jin started, lowering her eyes in slight embarrassment: “It’s nothing.”

Xiao Rong paused, then spoke softly: “Don’t be afraid. I’m here with you.”

Si Jin’s lashes fluttered. Internally, she noted that her unease stemmed from his closeness, not fear of the physician’s examination.

Yet his words and reactions seemed perfectly normal.

If he truly was her husband, their intimacy, his attentive care, his concern and companionship during her illness—all would be reasonable.

He appeared completely natural, and the look in his eyes when he reached for her earlier seemed genuine.

But she remembered nothing; everything felt alien.

The fog in her mind distressed Si Jin.

Unable to ponder further, she simply extended her hand to the physician.

“Madam’s pulse remains as before. Aside from slight signs of shock, there are no other symptoms. Though Madam appears lucid now, her memory loss suggests we should investigate the head injury as the cause.”

Si Jin kept her eyes downcast, her gaze drifting as if frightened by this diagnosis.

In truth, her mind wandered, barely registering the words.

Her attention repeatedly drifted to her hand, which had somehow found its way back into the man’s grasp.

Her wrist turned upward, the spot where the physician had checked her pulse now being gently stroked by his thumb—soothing her, or perhaps wiping the touch away.

But he wasn’t looking at her now.

“What needs to be done?”

The physician sounded nervous: “We may need to perform acupuncture for unblocking acupoints to assess the extent of blood congestion in the brain.”

Startled, Si Jin instinctively tightened her grip on Xiao Rong’s fingers.

Xiao Rong immediately turned to her, relaxing his hand under her clasp: “No need to worry. I was merely inquiring—we won’t proceed with that.”

Si Jin did not relax; instead, it was the physician who let out a heavy sigh of relief.

He had been forcibly brought here at dawn the previous day by a group of tall and imposing men without any explanation. He had thought he had committed some offense and was about to lose his head, only to find out he was summoned to treat a comatose lady.

He was merely an ordinary physician from a small town with a sparse population, and he had never dealt with any complex or rare illnesses.

The man before him was clearly of noble or wealthy status, and even his servants addressed him as “My Lord.” How could he dare to administer acupuncture to such a distinguished lady? If anything were to go wrong, even eight heads would not be enough to atone for it.

Seizing the opportunity, the physician quickly said, “I presume Your Lordship’s hometown must have physicians with more advanced medical skills. Perhaps there are other methods to treat the lady’s amnesia. In my humble opinion, her condition could first be observed with rest, supplemented with blood-activating and stasis-resolving medicine to regulate her body. If Your Lordship plans to depart with the lady, it would be best to rest for another three to five days.”

Xiao Rong ignored him and instead whispered to Si Jin, “I won’t let anything happen to you. You just need to rest peacefully.”

Si Jin’s tension had not yet dissipated, but from their conversation, she gathered that this was not where she originally lived, and it seemed they were traveling away from home.

Beyond that, she had even more questions.

Everything unfamiliar made her uneasy, and she wanted to learn more about herself as quickly as possible.

Si Jin’s fingers twitched slightly, and when she loosened her grip, she lowered her gaze and saw that she had left crescent-shaped marks on the man’s fingers.

“Sorry…” she instinctively tried to withdraw her hand, but he caught it firmly in his.

Xiao Rong instructed, “You are no longer needed here. Take a few men with you back to the clinic to fetch the medicine, and make sure to write the prescription in detail.”

The physician was only too glad to comply and hurriedly bowed. “Yes, I take my leave.”

The room fell into silence, with only the soft sounds of their breathing audible.

Si Jin was deliberately keeping hers light, her heart filled with anxiety.

But the man beside her seemed genuinely relaxed.

It was as if there was no need to be tense around someone familiar. He even lowered his eyes and continued to play with her hand.

The back of her hand was constantly covered by a warm touch, and her fingertips intertwined with the man’s rough fingers, sending waves of tingling sensations through her.

Si Jin hesitated, unsure whether to withdraw her hand first or to start asking questions.

Xiao Rong took the initiative and asked, “Where would you like me to begin?”

Si Jin’s thoughts were instantly drawn to Xiao Rong, and she temporarily forgot about retrieving her hand.

Hesitantly, she asked, “What is my name?”

Xiao Rong was taken aback for a moment, then, seeing Si Jin’s earnest expression, he couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh.

The corners of his eyes curved, and his lips lifted into a gentle arc, making him appear very tender.

Si Jin’s heart inexplicably skipped a beat.

She immediately averted her gaze, feeling embarrassed. “Should I not have started with that?”

Si Jin didn’t know if she had made a strange expression just then, but she suddenly began to believe that this man might truly be her husband.

Handsome and gentle, noble and refined.

Even though she remembered nothing, she felt it was entirely possible she could have fallen for a man like him.

Unconsciously, she lifted her gaze again.

The smile in the man’s eyes had faded slightly, but his lips remained curved.

As if sensing her gaze, Xiao Rong suddenly turned his head to meet her eyes, catching her in the act of stealing a glance.

Before Si Jin could panic, he answered her question: “Si Jin. That’s your name.”

He took her hand, spreading her palm open, and traced her name with his finger.

Xiao Rong wrote slowly, stroke by stroke, as if to ensure she could clearly distinguish each character, yet this only made Si Jin’s palm tingle more intensely.

By the time Xiao Rong finished writing, she hadn’t been able to focus enough to discern which two characters formed her name.

But she felt too embarrassed to admit it, so she simply asked next, “And what about your name?”

Xiao Rong’s expression faltered, reminded of a time long ago when she had asked him the same question.

He thought to himself, even if she hadn’t lost her memory, she probably wouldn’t recall this incident.

It happened earlier than their first official meeting.

In the desolate courtyard of the Xiao residence where no one should have been wandering.

His mother had locked him in a windowless abandoned storage room, telling him it was the room she had prepared for him. She said she was going to prepare his evening meal and asked him to wait there for her return.

The door wasn’t actually locked – he could have opened it and left at any time – yet he remained waiting in that pitch-black room.

He knew this was one of his mother’s rare moments of clarity.

When she still recognized who he was, and understood what she was saying.

Though whether she would actually return remained uncertain.

It was during this moment of vacant staring at the door that Si Jin appeared.

Through the gap beneath the door, she spotted the shadowy figure inside.

Xiao Rong wondered why she, who was clearly so timid – someone who would later run away crying multiple times when frightened by him – had been bold enough to talk to the dark shadow in the room that day.

Xiao Rong ignored her, letting her childish voice ask: “Why are you hiding in here?”

“Are you playing a game with someone?”

“What game are you playing? Can I join?”

“My name is Si Jin – the ‘Jin’ from ‘gold and brocade’.”

He didn’t answer a single question.

Xiao Rong could tell the little girl outside was quite young, her voice like soft cotton.

But also like noisy sparrows.

He found it irritating, simply waiting for her to leave on her own.

That’s when she pressed against the door and asked: “Then what’s your name?”

Xiao Rong didn’t tell her, finally making her raise her voice in frustration. Just from the sound, one could almost picture a little girl puffing her cheeks in anger.

“You’re so rude! I’m not talking to you anymore!”

…

“My name is Xiao Rong, courtesy name Chongyun.”

Xiao Rong held Si Jin’s hand, pulling himself back from the memory.

Without waiting for her to ask piece by piece, he continued speaking, telling her everything at once.

“We’re both from the capital, our families have been close for generations with frequent interactions. We’ve known each other since childhood, and we’ve been married for over a year now.”

Si Jin listened attentively, her gaze fixed on Xiao Rong’s face.

His expression remained natural, his voice steady and calm, giving people a sense of reassurance.

Xiao Rong paused briefly before continuing: “We developed feelings for each other in our youth. After marriage, we’ve always been deeply in love. We promised to stay together forever, never to part until death…”

Si Jin’s thoughts drifted slightly with the sudden influx of information.

Until she heard Xiao Rong’s slowed voice speaking words that made her blush.

Si Jin suddenly snapped back to attention, flustered as she said: “Th-that’s enough… I can’t remember.”

Her face grew warm uncontrollably. Whether it was because this wasn’t her nature or because Xiao Rong still felt like a stranger to her, she simply couldn’t imagine herself making such vows with him.

“I’m sorry.” Xiao Rong suddenly apologized.

He seemed enveloped in a gloomy mood, his lowered brows unable to conceal the despondency on his face.

Si Jin’s gaze flickered, then emerged from her bashfulness: “No, it was I who forgot.”

She shook her head, her voice growing hoarse: “I should have found you sooner.”

He appeared somewhat pitiful, making one reluctant to press further.

Yet after a moment’s hesitation, Si Jin knew she must ask: “What happened?”

When Xiao Rong looked up, the strength in his grip on her hand tightened slightly.

It was unclear whether he was shaken by lingering fear, or worried that Si Jin might be afraid.

Xiao Rong concisely recounted how Si Jin had encountered danger, escaped, fallen from her horse, and sustained injuries.

Upon hearing this, Si Jin faintly furrowed her brows, as if unpleasant memories were about to surface.

But since Xiao Rong’s account lacked detail, her unease lasted only a moment before dissipating, and she recalled nothing.

Instead, she wondered: “Why did I come here alone?”

After her question fell, Xiao Rong remained silent for a long while, his mood seeming to grow even more somber.

Just as Si Jin began to fear she’d touched upon some forbidden secret, Xiao Rong finally spoke.

“Because we had an argument.”

Si Jin was taken aback, not expecting such an ordinary reason from someone who appeared so shattered.

He seemed to care deeply about her.

Si Jin felt her cheeks grow warm again and asked somewhat awkwardly: “Was it a serious quarrel?”

“Yes.” Xiao Rong’s voice was muffled as he suddenly leaned closer toward her. “I made you terribly angry. You left home in a rage.”

Si Jin’s eyes widened in astonishment.

Was she really such an impulsive person?

Without the actual experience, she couldn’t imagine what kind of heated argument it had been. But seeing how gentle and docile Xiao Rong appeared before her now, she couldn’t help but picture herself pointing angrily at him, berating him until he couldn’t lift his head.

“Did you do something very wrong?”

Xiao Rong wrapped his arms around her waist. The sudden closeness made Si Jin instinctively want to pull away, but she was already drawn into his embrace.

“If I said I don’t believe I did anything wrong, would you be even angrier?”

The man’s presence enveloped her completely, the strong, steady heartbeat near her ear nearly drowning out his words.

“I… I don’t remember.”

Si Jin felt breathless from the tightness of his embrace. Her arms pressed against his chest, and the heartbeat beneath them quickened even more.

Xiao Rong’s voice sank as if plunging into an abyss: “Then let’s not speak of this anymore.”

The unfamiliar sensation of being held made it impossible for Si Jin to focus on further questions.

She could feel Xiao Rong’s arms trembling slightly around her waist.

His breath was close to her ear, his melancholy spreading and expanding as if trying to pull her down into the suffocating darkness with him.

After a moment’s hesitation, Si Jin slowly raised her fallen hands and finally returned the embrace, gently holding his waist.

Xiao Rong’s entire body noticeably tensed, but then soft palms patted his back a few times, as if to comfort him.

Each pat soothed the restlessness in his heart, yet the thorns wrapped around it tightened even more, as if determined to completely crush the already bruised and bleeding flesh.

After holding his breath for a long time, Xiao Rong closed his eyes, concealing the turmoil within them, and buried his face in Si Jin’s hair, taking a deep breath.

The invisible sting made the corners of his lips curl with pleasure. A base, secret delight invaded his limbs, turning this torment into nourishment for the darkness—uncontrollable, running wild.

Night fell, the bright moon climbing the branches.

Si Jin had spent nearly the entire day in bed, yet weariness still crept over her.

She shifted restlessly. Though her body, wiped clean with warm water, felt somewhat refreshed, the lack of a thorough bath left her uncomfortable.

After a moment’s hesitation, Si Jin took advantage of the empty room, lifted her collar, and bent to sniff inside.

Just then.

A sound came from the door.

Startled, Si Jin released her collar and looked up abruptly.

The door opened from outside.

Xiao Rong’s figure appeared in the doorway.

Flustered, Si Jin let go. He couldn’t have seen her embarrassing gesture, could he?

Xiao Rong’s expression remained unchanged, as if he hadn’t noticed anything—only his Adam’s apple bobbed slightly.

“What’s wrong with that look?”

“N-nothing.”

After entering, Xiao Rong closed the door. He picked up the medicine kit from the dresser, walked to the bedside, and reached to pull back the quilt.

Si Jin instinctively drew back her legs, but her ankle was caught firmly in his grasp. “Don’t move.”

“Time to tend to your wounds.”

The rough texture of his fingertips was impossible to ignore. Held so completely in one hand, it stirred unease.

Si Jin parted her lips. “I can do it myself.”

Before she could act, she felt his grip on her ankle tighten.

“Don’t be afraid. I won’t hurt you.”

Si Jin choked back her words, pressing her lips together silently.

It wasn’t pain she feared.

Her bare foot, held by a man still largely a stranger to her—yet they were likely an intimate married couple.

He naturally rolled up her trouser leg, gradually revealing the skin of her calf.

Heat rushed to Si Jin’s face. Her gaze fixed anxiously on Xiao Rong’s movements, she resisted the urge to struggle.

Sensing her acquiescence, Xiao Rong loosened his grip slightly. Once the trouser leg was fully rolled above her knee, he cupped the sole of her foot.

Si Jin’s eyelashes fluttered. She stiffened her waist, fighting the impulse to pull her leg back.

She seemed entirely unaccustomed to such intimacy, unbearably uncomfortable.

But she had lost her memory, remembered nothing—so perhaps this unfamiliarity was only natural.

A cool touch met her knee. Si Jin’s foot, resting in his palm, twitched.

Xiao Rong looked up. “Sorry.”

Coming to her senses, Si Jin replied in a soft, flustered voice, “No, you didn’t hurt me.”

Embarrassed, she lowered her gaze to the injuries on her knee and calf, trying to distract herself by recalling how she might have gotten hurt.

But unfortunately, nothing came to mind.

As Xiao Rong resumed applying the medicine, her eyes drifted unconsciously to his face, bent near her leg.

His movements were gentle, his expression focused as if mending a precious artifact. Even when she felt a slight sting, she forgot to react.

After tending to her leg, Xiao Rong moved closer. “Your hand.”

Meeting his eyes, Si Jin obediently offered her hand.

The moment he took it, she remembered his hand had just held her foot.

Instantly awkward, she tried to pull back, but his fingers slipped between hers, interlacing tightly.

“You…”

Xiao Rong didn’t lift his gaze, his expression calm as he said, “If we keep being awkward like this, dawn will break.”

“…We’re not.”

There was no awkwardness, and dawn was nowhere near.

Her cheeks slightly flushed, Si Jin could only let this strange posture continue.

But who applies medicine while interlocking fingers so tightly?

She inexplicably found Xiao Rong rather clingy.

She didn’t know if it was because this was how they usually interacted, or because she had run away from home and encountered such danger this time, leaving him unable to feel at ease even now.

The seemingly endless medicine application finally ended, and Si Jin’s hand, warmed from being held, regained its freedom.

Sitting on the bed, she pulled the quilt over herself.

Turning her head, she saw Xiao Rong washing his hands before standing by the bed and preparing to undress.

Si Jin instinctively asked, “Are you sleeping here tonight?”

Xiao Rong paused his movements, turned to look at her, and chuckled, “Where else would you have me sleep?”

Si Jin immediately fell silent, unable to respond.

She averted her gaze and stopped looking at him. After a moment of silence, she still shifted inward on the bed, quietly slipping under the covers first.

The candle in the room was extinguished, and the sound of someone moving behind her was unmistakable.

When warmth pressed against her back, Si Jin stiffened involuntarily.

Before she could turn around, Xiao Rong wrapped his arms around her from behind, pulling her naturally into his embrace, as if they had always slept intertwined like this every night.

Si Jin wanted to relax, but the man’s presence was overwhelmingly strong. His scent filled her senses, making it impossible for her to calm down.

Wait—scent.

Si Jin immediately tried to shift away.

Her waist tightened as if entangled by vines hidden in water—unnoticed until she struggled, then instantly constricting and coiling tighter.

Xiao Rong pressed his entire body against her back.

His scorching body temperature, the heavy thud of his heartbeat.

His breath brushed her ear, his low, magnetic voice grazing her earlobe: “What are you moving for?”

Si Jin closed her eyes, her voice barely audible: “I haven’t bathed…”

Before she could finish, a distinct inhale sounded right against her neck, sending a shiver of tingling numbness through her.

“You smell sweet.”

His voice had grown hoarse for some reason, but the way he breathed was just too…

Another heavy inhale.

Si Jin resisted the urge to pull away, trembling as she said, “Stop sniffing.”

The breathing behind her paused, and Xiao Rong let out a low chuckle: “Not letting me breathe would suffocate me.”

“That’s not…”

No one breathes by pressing so closely against another person’s body.

At this moment, Si Jin truly felt that Xiao Rong was incredibly clingy.

Entirely wrapped in his embrace, the places his breath touched gradually grew damp—whether from fine sweat or his exhalations, she couldn’t tell.

Yet her skin, which should have felt warm, registered a chill.

When she realized it, she noticed Xiao Rong’s fingers gently stroking her neck.

His voice was cool and rough, like sleep-talk, yet clear enough to reach Si Jin’s ears.

“Don’t disappear from my sight again.”

Si Jin’s gaze froze, a vague voice in her memory overlapping with the words in her ear.

Until it faded into the distance, dissolving together into the dark night.

Si Jin had thought that, entangled so tightly, she might sleep uncomfortably.

But unexpectedly, she slept dreamlessly until dawn.

She opened her eyes to find Xiao Rong absent, her palm instinctively reaching for the empty space beside her. The lingering warmth confirmed someone had slept there, yet sitting up and gazing at the vacant room still left her somewhat disoriented.

Xiao Rong’s near-constant presence, which had felt overwhelming just yesterday, now stirred anxiety in his absence—fearing it might all have been an illusion.

Her mind remained as hollow as the room itself. The truths she had learned felt weightless, offering no sense of reality.

Si Jin curled her fingers slightly, instinctively clutching the bedding when she touched it.

She remembered nothing—neither her identity nor her past life.

Only Xiao Rong remained as the sole person present in her world now, connected to her in some way. She felt an inexplicable, instinctive reliance on him.

After sitting on the bed for a while, Si Jin gradually eased the anxiety of being without Xiao Rong.

She peered toward the window and noticed what seemed to be guards stationed outside the door.

Feeling somewhat reassured, she rose to wash up on her own, thinking Xiao Rong might return soon.

Meanwhile, Xiao Rong was in a private room downstairs from the guest chamber. His expression was blank, but the restlessness in his eyes surpassed even that of Si Jin, who had been left alone in the room.

He tapped the table impatiently with his fingertips.

It wasn’t until someone came to report, “My lord, Lord Si has arrived,” that Xiao Rong stilled his hand.

After a brief wait, sounds came from the doorway.

“Chongyun, it really is you.”

Xiao Rong lifted his gaze calmly. “Brother, it’s been a while.”

Si Ming had clearly rushed over in haste—his robes were slightly disheveled, and his breathing was hurried.

Hearing Xiao Rong’s tone, he frowned slightly and hesitated mid-step, sensing something odd, but he quickly suppressed the feeling for the moment.

Xiao Rong invited him to sit at the table. Once the attendants had served tea and withdrawn with a bow, Si Ming took a moment to steady his breath before getting straight to the point.

“I tracked your trail and hurried here. You were supposed to head south, yet you’re here instead. You know what’s happened, don’t you?”

Xiao Rong nodded, then remarked, “Brother, since you’ve come this way, you must have noticed something too, which is why you changed your route.”

“Yes. At first, I only sensed something amiss. After altering my course, I confirmed I was being targeted.”

“It’s Xiao Sheng.”

Xiao Rong voiced the suspicion Si Ming had been harboring.

But Si Ming quickly composed himself, lowering his voice. “I’ve had almost no dealings with him, and that matter has nothing to do with him. He has no motive to come after me, so he must be acting under orders. The only one who would act so rashly at this time is…”

He trailed off, his expression growing grave.

Xiao Rong, however, took a leisurely sip of tea. “No need to worry, brother. I’ve already found Xiao Sheng. I will get to the bottom of this once I return to the capital.”

Si Ming was taken aback. “You’ve found him already? Is he here now?”

“No,” Xiao Rong replied without pause. “I have no intention of lingering here. I didn’t expect you to track me down, so I’ve already sent men to escort Xiao Sheng on his way.”

Hearing this, the tension in Si Ming’s expression gradually eased. “I see… It’s good to resolve this quickly.”

After a moment of silence between them, Si Ming spoke again.

“In that case, I won’t delay any longer. We’ve planned this journey for a long time—the sooner it’s settled, the sooner we can rest easy. I’ll take my leave now.”

Xiao Rong gave a slight nod. “Safe travels, brother.”

Si Ming stood and took a few steps toward the door before turning back. “Chongyun, give my regards to Xiao Jin when you return to the capital.”

Whether it was the mention of Si Jin’s name or some other reason, Xiao Rong’s perpetually cold expression finally softened slightly.

A faint smile touched his lips as he rose to see the guest out. “Of course, I will.”

Si Ming nodded, gesturing for him to stay before quickening his pace toward the entrance.

No sooner had Si Ming stepped out of the inn than footsteps echoed from the staircase beside Xiao Rong.

Xiao Rong looked up at the sound, his gaze immediately meeting Si Jin’s.

She seemed flustered, her steps faltering momentarily upon seeing him, her eyes drifting uncertainly.

The retreating figure at the doorway was reflected in her pupils.

Her panic stilled as Si Jin’s brows furrowed slightly.

Before she could get a clear look, Xiao Rong had already ascended the stairs in two strides, standing before her.

His tall, straight frame subtly blocked Si Jin’s line of sight completely.

But Si Jin tilted her head, still trying to peer past him toward the door.

“What brings you out here?”

Si Jin blinked distractedly. “That person just now seemed familiar. Do you know him?”

“Who?”

“The one who just walked out the door.”

The man had moved swiftly; even when Si Jin leaned past Xiao Rong’s obstruction, he was already out of sight.

Only when she collected herself did she realize Xiao Rong hadn’t answered her question.

She turned to look at him, parting her lips hesitantly, wondering whether to press further.

Xiao Rong seemed to have suddenly soured in mood. He reached out, hooking his fingers with hers before enveloping her entire hand in his palm.

Then, with a light tone, he finally replied, “I don’t know him. Just a passerby.”