Chapter 25: Unfamiliar and Unsatisfying

“Where are you going?”

Si Jin asked, then immediately realized something.

Why had Xiao Rong phrased it that way—what did he mean by “would you or wouldn’t you”?

This was their home. She wouldn’t disappear during his brief absence, of course she would wait for him at home.

Si Jin tilted her head but couldn’t see Xiao Rong’s expression as he buried his face against her neck.

She changed her answer: “I’ll be right here at home, of course I’ll wait for you.”

“Is that so?” Xiao Rong’s voice grew even softer, almost as if speaking to himself.

Si Jin reached out and lifted his head from her shoulder, finally seeing his face.

There was nothing particularly strange about his expression, but he seemed somewhat downcast.

After thinking for a moment, Si Jin looked into his eyes and asked: “Where are you going? Who are you going with? What will you be doing? When will you return?”

Si Jin’s pupils were clear, her gaze pure and innocent.

After she asked, she noticed Xiao Rong’s expression actually began to change.

He seemed somewhat stunned, but clearly relaxed, and his mood appeared to improve.

Si Jin had actually just been testing this approach. She felt slightly embarrassed inwardly, guessing that Xiao Rong’s low spirits might be because he couldn’t bear to be apart from her.

Although she didn’t think a brief separation was anything significant, based on her recent interactions with Xiao Rong, she felt she should ask this way.

Si Jin spoke again softly, pulling Xiao Rong out of his daze: “Answer me.”

Xiao Rong swallowed, taking a long moment before saying: “You never used to ask me like this before.”

So she had guessed wrong after all—how embarrassing.

Si Jin’s face stiffened, and even her hands holding Xiao Rong’s face showed signs of pulling back.

But Xiao Rong suddenly grabbed her wrist, turning his head to nuzzle against her palm: “I need to visit my mother. I’m going alone. I heard she hasn’t been feeling well lately. The round trip will probably take about three days.”

“I… I see…” Si Jin murmured, suddenly uncertain whether she had guessed wrong or not.

But why had he said that earlier remark?

Soon though, Si Jin thought of something else: “What’s wrong with your mother? Is it serious?”

“Nothing major, just her old ailment.” Xiao Rong lowered his eyes, concealing other emotions within them.

Having forgotten the past, Si Jin had naturally also forgotten what incurable illness his mother suffered from.

He still remembered when Si Jin first learned about his parents’ situation—how stunned she had been, remaining silent for a long time.

He couldn’t tell whether there was more sympathy or more pity in her gaze when she looked at him then.

Xiao Rong lowered his head slightly and licked his lips, savoring that taste as suppressed restlessness seemed about to boil up again.

Completely unaware, Si Jin tilted her head and asked: “Do you want me to accompany you to visit her?”

Xiao Rong snapped back to reality and moved slightly away from her: “No need. You haven’t fully recovered yet. I don’t want you to endure the journey.”

“Is your mother not in the capital?”

“No, she’s at Le Feng Mountain in the southern suburbs.”

Si Jin opened her mouth, almost letting “why” slip out directly.

But she quickly stopped herself. The fact that Xiao Rong’s mother didn’t live in the Xiao residence in the capital made her vaguely feel this wasn’t something she should inquire too much about.

Si Jin quietly reached out, finding Xiao Rong’s fingers beneath his sleeve and hooking them with her own: “Then after I’ve recovered, I’ll go visit her with you.”

Xiao Rong turned his hand and tightly enveloped the one Si Jin had actively extended toward him.

He held her hand and brought it to his lips for a gentle kiss, responding with a low “Mm.”

After mentioning his departure, Xiao Rong didn’t leave immediately.

Another seven days passed before he told Si Jin one evening that they would set off the next day.

The following morning.

Xiao Bai chirped incessantly at dawn, though it was unclear whether he was hungry or something else had disturbed him.

Si Jin was awakened by the noise. When she opened her eyes, she noticed the sky had just begun to brighten.

The warmth beside her made the early winter bedding even more cozy.

Si Jin slowly opened her eyes while lying with her back turned, her gaze clear and her mood pleasantly light.

Nothing was more comforting than waking to find the person who had slept beside her all night still there.

She felt a secret delight at having woken earlier than Xiao Rong for once.

Moving slowly and carefully, she turned over.

Just as she intended to admire Xiao Rong’s sleeping face—

Her gaze shifted—

“Ah…”

She let out a soft gasp of surprise.

A pair of dark eyes behind her were fixed intently on her, as if they had never looked away or closed at all.

Wide-eyed and frozen in an awkward position, Si Jin murmured, “Have you been awake all night?”

As soon as she asked, she bit her tongue in frustration. She must have been too startled—why else would she ask such a silly question?

Xiao Rong chuckled softly. “I just woke up. I didn’t make a sound because you were still asleep—didn’t want to disturb you.”

Si Jin twisted around fully and wrapped her arms around Xiao Rong, mumbling, “And here I thought I’d woken up really early.”

Xiao Rong rested a large hand on the small of her back and said calmly, “You can sleep a little longer if you want.”

Si Jin shook her head, about to say she wasn’t sleepy anymore, when she suddenly felt a brief, tight pressure below her waist.

She looked up abruptly, meeting Xiao Rong’s calm, unreadable eyes, just as another ambiguous squeeze pressed against her lower back.

“Does it still hurt?”

Xiao Rong’s voice was gentle, and his touch gradually softened.

But in that particular area, the gentler he was, the more indecent and suggestive it felt.

Si Jin instinctively tried to pull away, but Xiao Rong’s other arm tightened around her waist.

She had been the one to turn into his embrace moments ago—now there was no escaping.

Suppressing the indescribable tingling sensation, she whispered, “It doesn’t hurt anymore. Please stop squeezing.”

But Xiao Rong paid no heed. His hand continued its motion, only slowing further.

“I was too rough yesterday. When you bathed, I noticed it was still red and swollen. It shouldn’t have faded so quickly.”

Si Jin grew even more annoyed.

How dare he bring that up! Acting all concerned now—why hadn’t he held back when he was doing it?

No, he shouldn’t have done it at all.

Indignant, she bit his shoulder, but before she could apply much pressure, she suddenly remembered something and released him with only a light nip.

Xiao Rong actually seemed a little disappointed as he looked down at her. “Why did you stop?”

He sounded as if he were obediently waiting to be punished for his wrongdoing.

But Si Jin refused to give him the satisfaction.

She turned her face away and grumbled, “You’re always hitting me.”

“Spanking doesn’t count as hitting.”

How could he say it so bluntly!

Si Jin’s face flushed with heat, but her voice grew even softer. “How can it not count? You said yourself it’s red and swollen.”

Xiao Rong fell silent for a moment, his movements stilling as if he were seriously considering her words.

After a moment, he leaned in even closer, as if trying to please her: “If you don’t like it, I won’t do that anymore.”

Si Jin’s earlobe tingled from the sound of his voice, making her instinctively shrink her neck.

She should have known that when Xiao Rong used this tone, there was rarely any genuine remorse in his heart, yet she still let her guard down and allowed her thoughts to drift with his words.

“I-It’s not that I dislike it that much…”

It was just utterly embarrassing, and now he had to bring it up again after she’d sobered up, which made it even more annoying.

As if hearing her unspoken thoughts, Xiao Rong’s chest shook with a low chuckle: “I know, you always clamp…”

“Stop talking!” Si Jin had truly reached her limit. Instinctively, she moved to cover his mouth, but in her carelessness, her palm ended up striking Xiao Rong’s face.

A muffled sound, neither light nor heavy.

Si Jin froze for a moment. She didn’t think her meager strength could have hurt Xiao Rong, but hitting someone’s face, akin to a slap, still left her somewhat concerned.

Hesitantly, she tried to pull her hand back, but Xiao Rong quickly grasped her wrist.

The corners of his lips lifted, and the previously calm expression that held laughter in sound but not in appearance now genuinely broke into a smile.

He tilted his head and nuzzled into her palm: “Then next time, you can hit me too, as payback.”

Si Jin: “…”

He really had some wishful thinking.

Si Jin turned her head away, unwilling to engage with him, so Xiao Rong continued with his actions.

“Anyway, I admit I was wrong. Let me rub it for you.”

His attitude was sincere, his movements earnest, as if he truly no longer harbored any ulterior thoughts.

But the heat from his palm resting on that spot still made Si Jin somewhat uncomfortable.

She endured it, staying still as he rubbed for a while, before prying his hand away: “Stop rubbing. It doesn’t hurt that much. It was just a little red and swollen at the time, but I’m sure there’s nothing there now.”

“Is that so?” Xiao Rong withdrew his hand but shifted his position, tilting his head. “Then let me take a look?”

“You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you!”

Si Jin slapped the back of Xiao Rong’s hand with a crisp sound. “Stop being annoying. No more moving around.”

Xiao Rong covered the back of his hand where she had struck him, his fingertips rubbing back and forth as if he had truly been hurt or frightened by that slight force, yet the smile on his face grew increasingly unrestrained.

He buried his head against Si Jin’s neck and nuzzled, seemingly not ready to settle down just yet.

The little bird by the windowsill started chirping noisily again.

Seizing the opportunity, Si Jin pushed his head away: “Xiao Bai has been chirping all morning. Go see what’s wrong with it.”

Xiao Rong paused and fell silent for a moment.

Just as Si Jin thought he wasn’t going to pay any attention to Xiao Bai, he suddenly moved, rising as he said, “You see, it’s not me who’s annoying—it’s that bird.”

Si Jin was taken aback, amused that he would compare himself to a little bird.

Was being less annoying than a bird something to be proud of?

After Xiao Rong left the bed, Si Jin soon felt the emptiness of the covers, with occasional chills seeping in, making her reluctant to stay in bed as well.

But she still didn’t get up, merely turning her head toward the tall figure by the windowsill and asking, “How is Xiao Bai?”

Xiao Rong didn’t pay much attention to the bird. After a glance, he strode back to the bedside.

But he didn’t answer Si Jin right away. Instead, he stood by the bed and leaned down toward her.

Si Jin instinctively turned her head, allowing his kiss to land only on her cheek.

Xiao Rong’s lips carried the morning’s chill, dry and soft, and as they touched her cheek, his breath also brushed against her skin.

He didn’t press further, rising slightly after the gentle kiss and looking down at her. “It’s nothing serious. It just knows I’ll be away for a few days and cried out reluctantly.”

Si Jin’s eyes widened abruptly upon hearing this, her drowsiness completely vanishing.

“You’re visiting your mother today.”

A smile lingered at the corner of Xiao Rong’s lips as he fully withdrew, seemingly making space for her to rise.

It wasn’t that Si Jin had forgotten about this matter, but having just woken up in a daze and being teased by Xiao Rong, it had temporarily slipped her mind.

As she propped herself up halfway, Xiao Rong spoke again, “It’s still early. You were exhausted last night—no need to see me off. Rest a while longer.”

The quilt had slipped from Si Jin’s front, a chill brushing over her rounded shoulders, making her shiver involuntarily.

Realizing she wore only a maiden’s undergarment, she caught sight of a ring of teeth marks at her shoulder in her peripheral vision, surrounded by faint red marks of varying depths.

Her face warmed, yet she frowned.

How dare he say that!

If he truly didn’t need her to see him off, why had he moved away?

Perhaps because her current memories included intimate moments with him, and they had been practically inseparable lately, she no longer felt as reserved around Xiao Rong as she initially had. She even felt she had begun to understand his temperament.

Outwardly, he appeared to prioritize her in everything, gentle and considerate to a fault, but in reality, his mind was full of schemes.

Still, his little tricks were harmless enough.

Si Jin merely shot him an annoyed sidelong glance before reaching for the clothes beside her and dressing herself.

Xiao Rong straightened his own clothes and sat back down by the bed. His gaze swept over the patch of skin about to be covered by her garments, lingering until even the last traces of the red marks disappeared from view. Then he looked up at Si Jin, reaching out to stroke her throat.

“I’ve ordered someone to prepare loquat porridge. Have more during breakfast.”

Si Jin had no choice but to glare at him again.

Last night, she had wondered: Had she and Xiao Rong always been this unrestrained? They had been married for over a year, and it wasn’t as if they had been apart for a month without any intimacy. Why did he seem insatiable, wanting her every day?

Distracted by this thought for just a moment—somehow he had noticed—she ended up folded over, reduced to tears, unable to let her mind wander again.

Si Jin grumbled discontentedly, “My throat isn’t that fragile. I don’t feel uncomfortable at all.”

“That’s good. Last night, seeing you cry so hard, I thought I hadn’t pleased you.”

Si Jin froze in shock.

What nonsense was he spouting now!

That wasn’t what she meant!

And what did he mean by “seeing you cry so hard”? It was clearly him who kept making her cry. When her tears stopped, he even licked the corner of her eye and asked why she wasn’t crying anymore.

In her dazed state, she had thought he too was lost in the haze of passion. But when she found herself involuntarily shedding tears again, she realized he had been aiming all along to see her weep.

Amid her indignant thoughts, the half-donned garment in Si Jin’s hands was taken over by Xiao Rong’s large palm.

His movements were gentle but clearly practiced.

His gaze was fixed intently on the collar his fingers adjusted, and he bent lower to tie the sash at her waist.

Had Si Jin not been thinking about that very matter moments earlier, she might have asked if he had often helped her dress like this in the past.

The answer was rather obvious.

Si Jin had to admit that Xiao Rong had been taking excellent care of her. From the moment she woke up until now, when she appeared almost fully recovered, he had been consistently attentive and considerate.

Thinking this way, Si Jin felt somewhat more at ease about those tears she had shed last night, which weren’t out of sadness.

Yet it made it even harder to understand why they had argued back then, to the point where she had left home in a fit of anger.

Given how well they got along now, she even felt that they would never have any intense disputes in their entire lives.

Soon, Xiao Rong finished helping her dress.

Si Jin stepped down from the bed, took his hand, and asked, “Are you leaving now?”

“Yes, it’s about time,” Xiao Rong replied, his gaze fixed intently on her. “I’ll wait until you’ve freshened up.”

So he really did want her to see him off.

After all that feigned indifference earlier, wasn’t he afraid she might just give in to laziness and crawl back under the covers?

“Then I’ll call Lan Xin in. Wait for me a moment.”

The sky was already bright. After washing up, Si Jin walked with Xiao Rong toward the main gate of the estate.

On the path, Si Jin tilted her head and said to him, “I meant to tell you earlier—it feels like I used to see you off like this often, didn’t I?”

Xiao Rong’s steps abruptly halted. “You remember?” he asked, his voice low and almost devoid of emotion.

Yet the sudden pause made his reaction seem somewhat unusual.

Si Jin looked at him curiously. “No, it was just a feeling I had.”

Xiao Rong lowered his gaze for a moment, lost in thought, before resuming his pace.

“…I was just saying it offhand,” Si Jin murmured quietly, still puzzled by his earlier strangeness.

Xiao Rong suddenly responded, “Not often, just a few times. We’ve always been close, and whenever I traveled far, we wouldn’t see each other for a while. Naturally, you would see me off at the gate.”

Hearing his calm and composed tone, the earlier peculiarity seemed like nothing more than Si Jin’s overactive imagination.

Unable to resist, Si Jin glanced at Xiao Rong again. From her angle, she could only see his handsome, unruffled profile. Finding nothing more, she withdrew her gaze.

A carriage was already waiting at the estate gate, with several attendants standing respectfully beside it, heads bowed.

Xiao Rong stopped. “Let’s part here.”

Si Jin looked up at him. “Alright, have a safe journey.”

He raised his hand and gently stroked her cheek, his gaze tracing the contours of her face as if reluctant to leave.

Si Jin allowed him to be openly affectionate, aware from the corner of her eye of the servants behind the gate smiling suggestively, as if accustomed to such scenes and clearly expecting their lingering farewell to continue.

Aside from her two personal maids, no one else in the estate knew about her memory loss.

She had indeed spoken offhand earlier, but the current situation seemed to confirm that similar scenes had occurred in the past.

The earlier doubts in her heart completely vanished.

Coming back to her senses, Si Jin finally took his hand. “Alright, you should go now. Don’t keep Mother waiting.”

Xiao Rong lowered his hand, his fingers rubbing together briefly inside his sleeve.

“You promised me—wait for me at home until I return.”

Si Jin smiled at his reluctance to part, finding it a bit excessive. With a relaxed expression, she nodded and affirmed, “Yes, of course. Hurry along now.”

South of the capital lay Le Feng Mountain.

Though only half a day’s journey from the city, it occupied a remarkably advantageous terrain.

Encircled by water on three sides, the mountain peaks soared high, their steep and rugged paths deterring travelers. Yet these very obstacles allowed the forests atop the slopes to flourish densely, layer upon layer muffling the clamor of the outside world, leaving only a deep, tranquil gloom stretching far and wide.

Xiao Rong sat upright on his horse, his gaze indifferently sweeping across the endless expanse of woods.

Si Jin seemed quite suited to living here.

Whether she had lost her memories or regained them, she could not descend the mountain nor escape these woods—trapped within that secluded cottage nestled in the hills.

The dark green gloom of the forest reflected in his pitch-black eyes, and a strange excitement crept silently to the corners of his lips, curling them into a faint, pleased arc.

He missed her.

Though he had been away for only half a day, an insatiable thirst to see her already clawed at his throat.

An attendant riding alongside him seemed to notice the smile on his master’s face and thought it peculiar—rarely did Xiao Rong visit this place in such good spirits.

Just as the thought crossed his mind, Xiao Rong suddenly raised a hand and summoned him.

“Send someone back to the residence to check what Madam is doing today. Report to me before nightfall.”

The attendant froze. “N-now, my lord?”

Xiao Rong shot him a cold glance, the smile on his lips vanished.

The attendant stiffened, immediately bowing his head. “Yes, my lord. I will see to it at once.”

The sound of hooves galloping in the opposite direction shattered the forest’s silence, fading swiftly into the distance until nothing could be heard.

By midday, Xiao Rong arrived at the You Shui Residence halfway up the mountain.

His mother had moved here nearly a decade ago, after her emotions grew increasingly uncontrollable.

The spacious courtyard held only a handful of people.

One of the attendants, having heard the arrival, hurried over. Recognizing Xiao Rong, his eyes brightened. “My lord, you’ve come. This humble servant pays his respects.”

“Where is Mother?”

“Madam is inside…” The attendant paused, lowering his head. “She has just fallen asleep.”

Xiao Rong’s eyes darkened slightly as he glanced toward the uniquely structured residence within the courtyard.

The main house stood a considerable distance from the gate, and the sparsely furnished yard lay entirely exposed.

It was as though should anyone attempt to flee from the main house, they would be clearly visible from anywhere in the courtyard—and promptly intercepted.

If his mother had only just fallen asleep, it meant she must have been restless throughout the night.

After a long silence, Xiao Rong coldly uttered a few words: “Who has been here?”

The attendant shuddered, nervous but quick to reply. “It was the Second Master. He came once at the end of last month.”

Xiao Rong’s second uncle—his mother’s younger brother.

It was said that he had played a role in urging Xiao Rong’s father to leave all those years ago.

Xiao Rong’s gaze grew even heavier. Without another word, he strode directly toward the main house.

Inside, all was quiet. The warm afternoon sunlight filtered through the bamboo blinds, casting shifting, pale shadows on the floor.

A strong medicinal scent assailed his senses, and in one corner, a mess that had yet to be cleared away was hastily piled up.

Xiao Rong moved soundlessly, step by step, toward the bed. There, he saw a figure curled on her side, huddled beneath the quilts, so frail and small she occupied only a tiny space.

The woman on the bed had disheveled hair and a pallid, weary face. It was unclear what she had endured before finally closing her eyes to rest.

Everything was still in disarray, but once she had fallen asleep, no one dared disturb her in the slightest, fearing they might wake her again.

Xiao Rong’s expression was somber, his dark eyes harboring complex emotions as he gazed deeply at his mother’s restless face.

What was appearing in her dreams?

Perhaps to this day, the only one who could still clearly appear in her mind was that father he had never even met.

Did he hate him?

Or was it hatred for his mother?

Xiao Rong had once struggled to find the answer to this question, but now he no longer wished to know.

All he knew was that in his childhood, his mother’s obsession with his father had transformed into a maddening torment inflicted upon him, while his perpetually absent father only intensified this suffering.

This vicious cycle persisted throughout his powerless youth until he broke free, gaining control over himself and his mother.

He had never told his mother that he had discovered that man’s whereabouts years ago.

The man was living quite well—not as extravagantly and carefree as the rumors suggested, but he had remarried and settled into an ordinary life of marital harmony.

Unfortunately, he had not been found by his mother, but by him.

What use was there in hating them?

It was far better to make them wish they were dead.

Fleeing, panic, madness, loss of control.

It wasn’t a pleasant sight, but it brought him profound satisfaction.

Xiao Rong reflected inwardly that it had been some time since he last checked on that man’s current situation.

No matter what, that man could not be allowed to live more happily than his mother, could he?

Suddenly, the woman’s eyelashes trembled abnormally, her breathing grew rapid, and she was on the verge of waking.

Xiao Rong watched her changes, standing expressionlessly by the bed without moving.

Xiao’s Mother’s breath hitched, her eyes snapped open, bloodshot and terrifyingly fierce in the dim shadows of the bed.

Her pupils contracted momentarily as she abruptly noticed the figure by the bed. The moment she looked up and recognized him, her emotions spiraled out of control.

“You! You’ve returned, you’ve come, you’ve come to see me!”

A sharp slap echoed—

Xiao’s Mother’s tone was ecstatic, yet she had raised her hand and struck Xiao Rong across the face.

Xiao Rong’s head turned from the force, and he slowly reached out to grasp his mother’s wrist, his voice low as he said, “It’s me. I’ve come to see you.”

“No, no, this can’t be real. You’re dead. How could you return? How could I see you? Dead, dead!”

Xiao’s Mother’s emotions did not calm at the sound of Xiao Rong’s voice; instead, she grew even more frenzied.

She struggled and quickly broke free from Xiao Rong’s loose grip, waving her hands as if to dispel the illusion before her.

A sharp pain shot through his forehead, and Xiao Rong’s brow furrowed slightly.

A red mark quickly appeared on his forehead, yet he remained standing straight, only murmuring under his breath, “Dead?”

This was a new kind of madness his mother had never expressed before.

She had never admitted that the man was dead. Unaware of his whereabouts, she would never believe in a possibility she refused to accept.

“M-Master?” A servant at the door, hearing the commotion inside, dared to open it.

Startled by the scene, the servant tentatively called into the room.

Xiao Rong did not turn around, merely raising his hand again to block his mother’s attempt to strike him once more.

With one hand, he restrained the frail woman, pressing her back onto the bed. He waited calmly and indifferently until Xiao’s Mother’s eyes went vacant and she lay still, exhausted, before slowly releasing her.

“Come in and keep watch,” he ordered the servant at the door.

Soon, a maid hurried in.

After leaving the main room, Xiao Rong summoned the earlier attendant to a side chamber.

“Speak. What did he say to my mother when he came here?”