Chapter 26: Only Him Alone

On the second day after Xiao Rong’s departure, Si Jin began to feel bored.

When he had been by her side before, even just staying within the mansion, she hadn’t felt any discomfort. But now, with no one accompanying her, she quickly tasted the flavor of loneliness.

Had she perhaps caught Xiao Rong’s clinginess?

But deep down, Si Jin knew clearly that neither the capital nor this mansion held any sense of belonging for her. She remembered nothing of this place, nor any past events.

The only person who had brought any sense of substance to her life now was Xiao Rong.

Apart from him, she had no friends or family around her. Even the two maids who attended to her day and night always felt strangely unfamiliar to her—as if they had never served her before.

Yet there was already an explanation for this: the unfamiliarity was because the original maids had taken leave to return to their hometowns.

But how was this any different from having no past?

Though she had returned to where she originally lived, she still couldn’t find any traces of her past, nor anyone truly connected to her history.

Si Jin felt rather low-spirited for most of the day.

It wasn’t until her afternoon nap that a lively, bustling place appeared in her vague dreams. She wandered and played there, her face radiant with a spring-like smile, utterly joyful.

Upon waking, she completely forgot what she had just dreamed of, yet she could still feel the happiness that brief dream had brought her.

Si Jin didn’t try hard to recall the dream. Instead, she immediately decided to go out for a stroll.

Anywhere would be better than staying here and continuing to feel vexed.

But when she gave this order, the two maids bowing before her instantly exchanged troubled glances.

Si Jin’s delicate brows furrowed slightly. “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you moving? I told you to prepare the carriage.”

Lan Xin: “Madam… your health hasn’t fully recovered yet. It would be better to rest at the mansion.”

That strange feeling again.

Unfamiliar and dissatisfying.

They were clearly her maids, and Lan Xin had even said she had served her since before her marriage.

Yet Si Jin felt that her orders were only obeyed by them within permitted boundaries.

And the person who set those boundaries was the true master they obeyed.

That person might be Xiao Rong, or perhaps there was no such person.

Si Jin had never inquired about this matter. She had a vague feeling that even if she asked, she would only receive flawless explanations.

“I’ll say it once more. Prepare the carriage.”

Si Jin’s voice grew deeper, carrying a suppressed anger, slow yet resolute.

Lan Xin was taken aback and immediately lowered her head. “This servant spoke out of turn. Please forgive me, Madam. I will go prepare the carriage right away.”

She quickly turned and left, as if she had no other intention earlier and was merely concerned for her mistress’s health.

Si Jin stared fixedly at Lan Xin’s retreating figure, then suddenly shifted her gaze to the side.

Qiu Ya stood with her head bowed, unmoving, appearing ready to follow her mistress’s orders—making it easy to dismiss earlier doubts and notice nothing amiss.

After a moment of silence, Si Jin let out a soft sigh, her voice becoming light and cheerful. “I’m quite looking forward to it. I wonder if going out on the street will bring some sense of familiarity. Let’s go, both of you come with me. Lan Xin should summon the carriage soon.”

After speaking, Si Jin began to move, a simple smile lifting the corners of her lips. As her gaze swept past Qiu Ya, she caught the girl subtly letting out a sigh of relief.

Once outside the Xiao residence, Si Jin genuinely felt a sense of anticipation.

She had only glimpsed a brief stretch of the capital’s streets through the carriage window on the day Xiao Rong brought her back.

But when it came time for her to decide where to go, she felt lost again.

She didn’t know where she wanted to go.

The coachman drove aimlessly through the capital’s streets as she had instructed.

Watching the passing streets, Si Jin suddenly thought of something and withdrew her gaze. Softly, she asked the maid seated at the front of the carriage, “Where was the shop that caught fire during this year’s Mid-Autumn Lantern Festival?”

The two maids were momentarily taken aback but quickly composed themselves.

Qiu Ya replied, “Answering Madam, it’s not far ahead, in the middle section of that street.”

Lan Xin asked, “Does Madam wish to go there and see?”

Observing their expressions, Si Jin this time felt no peculiar sensations.

She felt conflicted about her own actions, which seemed like probing.

She couldn’t explain what result she was hoping to uncover.

Was she testing the truth behind Xiao Rong’s claim of injuring his arm? Or verifying whether the incident at the Mid-Autumn Lantern Festival had truly happened?

It felt somewhat absurd.

Would Xiao Rong lie to her?

Si Jin lowered her gaze, lost in thought for a moment, before finally saying, “Let’s drive over and take a look.”

The carriage made its way toward the street where the fire had occurred during the Mid-Autumn Lantern Festival.

Since it wasn’t far, they soon entered the street.

The Mid-Autumn Festival had passed some time ago, and the chaos left by the fire had long since vanished. The affected shops had already been repaired and restored.

Now, returning here, there was no trace of the fire to be seen.

Si Jin did not ask the carriage to stop but continued to look out through the window.

As the carriage reached the middle of the street, Lan Xin proactively pointed out, “Madam, it was these few shops that caught fire back then. You escaped from the accessory shop in the middle.”

Si Jin stared intently at that accessory shop, trying hard to recall something. But the shop grew increasingly unfamiliar in her eyes, as if she had never set foot in it.

Disappointed, Si Jin withdrew her gaze and stopped looking.

Only after the carriage had passed through the entire street did she give another order: “Let’s go to the Flower and Bird Market next.”

Her memories were pitifully sparse. The few places she could think of visiting were only those she had heard mentioned by Xiao Rong.

Yet, upon arriving at the Flower and Bird Market, Si Jin’s spirits lifted instantly.

The market she had visited with Xiao Rong on their journey back to the capital was nothing compared to the one in the capital.

Here, the market was larger, more expansive, and livelier. The carriage could no longer proceed even before reaching the market’s entrance.

As the carriage came to a halt, Si Jin made to rise.

Qiu Ya asked, “Madam, are you getting off the carriage?”

Si Jin glanced up and replied matter-of-factly, “The carriage can’t go any further. If we want to visit the Flower and Bird Market, don’t we have to get down and walk in?”

Qiu Ya’s sleeve swayed slightly, as if someone had tugged at it from a place Si Jin couldn’t see.

Si Jin averted her eyes, bypassing Qiu Ya to gaze out past the carriage curtain.

By the time she looked back, the two maids had already risen and were in motion.

They stepped out of the carriage before her, standing respectfully beside it, once again assuming their roles of awaiting their mistress’s commands.

Si Jin felt she might have been overthinking things.

The two maids were quite young, even younger than herself. Although they had never been as close to her as the maid named Chun Xing, they were still dutiful and obedient servants who wholeheartedly served their mistress.

Given her injury, their additional concern could hardly be considered overstepping.

Si Jin bent slightly to exit the carriage, placing her hand on Lan Xin’s uplifted palm as she was assisted steadily down from the vehicle.

Her gaze fixed on the somewhat crowded street ahead while her peripheral vision caught the slightly bowed faces of the two maids, her mind still occupied with thoughts.

Other possibilities weren’t impossible either. A seed of suspicion had been planted in her heart—perhaps intuition, perhaps paranoia—but since it couldn’t be dispelled for now, she could only let it remain.

After a moment of contemplation, Si Jin finally curved her lips into a smile: “Let’s go, accompany me to take a look.”

Even in the depths of winter, the Flower and Bird Market in the capital boasted a wide variety of green plants and flowers.

During these days since returning to the capital, Si Jin had seen Xiao Rong tending to that pot of Narcissus by the windowsill several times. And Xiao Bai, whom she had bought on the road, had recovered from a dying, injured fledgling to its current lively state.

So perhaps it would be acceptable to bring something else home?

Si Jin began selecting items in the market with growing enthusiasm.

Though she believed anything she bought would be well cared for by Xiao Rong, she had no intention of making blind purchases indiscriminately.

This might also explain why she had rarely bought flowers, plants, or birds for the household before.

The outermost street of the capital’s Flower and Bird Market alone was vast in scale. Completing a full circuit required considerable walking, yet Si Jin hadn’t purchased anything.

“Madam, would you like to venture further inside?”

Si Jin felt somewhat fatigued, her eyes drifting toward another street deeper within the market.

Hesitating briefly, she suddenly spotted a stall at the inner street entrance adorned with blooming white camellias.

“Let’s take a look over there.” Si Jin stepped toward the stall.

The pure white camellias bloomed in layered petals, accented by green leaves beneath the flowers, holding their own remarkably well amidst the surrounding array of vibrant colors.

However, these camellias weren’t growing in soil but had been cut after maturing and artfully arranged in a flower basket, creating a beautiful display.

Several buds among them hadn’t fully opened yet. If bought and cared for a day or two, they would likely bloom completely just in time for Xiao Rong’s return home.

After just a couple of glances, Si Jin felt an instant fondness and immediately raised her hand to signal Lan Xin to purchase the basket filled with camellias.

Lan Xin lowered her eyes to search for silver taels in her purse.

As Si Jin waited, her curious gaze continued examining the other flower baskets at the stall.

Just then.

A voice suddenly cut through the noisy crowd from not far away, clearly directed at her: “Miss Si? Is that you?”

Si Jin heard the voice but didn’t react.

The market was bustling with people coming and going, filled with numerous sounds, and she had encountered many abrupt noises along the way.

“Miss Si!”

Until the voice drew closer and called out again, more urgently.

Si Jin froze, suddenly recalling that her name was Si Jin. But because she now identified herself as Xiao Rong’s wife, and no one around addressed her that way.

So was that person calling for her?

Hesitantly, Si Jin turned to look in the direction of the voice.

Yet she didn’t recognize anyone around her. Even as she scanned the crowd, she couldn’t immediately identify where the voice had come from.

She slightly furrowed her brows and was about to avert her gaze when she noticed a young man in the crowd, elegantly dressed and carrying a birdcage, calling out again, “It really is you, Miss Si.”

The man had refined features and a slender build. He flashed her a bright smile, but his comical attempts to push through the crowd while protecting his birdcage made him appear rather amusing.

So, who was he?

Si Jin instinctively took half a step back, tugging at Qiu Ya’s sleeve as she prepared to quietly ask about the newcomer’s identity.

But the man reached her before Qiu Ya could speak.

“What a coincidence, Miss Si! I never expected to see you here. It’s been so long.”

Si Jin parted her lips but remained silent, unsure of the man’s identity and how to respond.

Xiao Rong had told her that her accident and memory loss had been kept secret, as revealing it would bring unnecessary trouble.

Though Si Jin hadn’t inquired about the specifics, she understood that if others found out, it would only worry her parents and invite gossip.

She believed she would recover soon, so there was no need to share her private matters with outsiders.

Noticing her prolonged silence, the man’s smile stiffened slightly. “What’s wrong, Miss Si? You look as if you don’t recognize me. It’s me! Has it been so long that you’ve forgotten?”

As he spoke, he exaggeratedly leaned his face closer to hers.

How improper!

Startled, Si Jin immediately retreated a full step.

Finally, Qiu Ya managed to interject, stepping in front of Si Jin. “This servant greets Second Young Master Shen. Please don’t frighten my mistress.”

The newcomer was none other than Shen Xuzhi’s elder brother, Shen Chi.

Shen Chi, always carefree and frivolous, showed no remorse for startling the young woman. Instead, he grinned and said, “Miss Si always looks so terrified when she sees me. One might think my little sister has been filling your ears with all sorts of nonsense about me.”

Gradually, Si Jin pieced together the man’s identity from the conversation.

Second Young Master Shen, with a younger sister.

Then he must be the elder brother of her close confidante—the friend she had been so intimate with before losing her memory.

The wariness in Si Jin’s eyes faded considerably, and she finally replied, “Second Young Master, it has been a long time. What a coincidence indeed.”

Shen Chi laughed. “I called out to you several times earlier, but you didn’t respond. From a distance, I thought I had mistaken you for someone else—or perhaps you heard me but chose to ignore me.”

“You exaggerate, Second Young Master. As Xuzhi’s brother, how could I be so discourteous? It was merely too noisy, and I didn’t hear you calling.”

Si Jin spoke with forced composure, though her heart raced nervously.

After all, he was a complete stranger. Relying on intuition to converse, she worried she might say something wrong.

But Shen Chi only laughed more heartily. “Miss Si, you’re still so formal and distant with me. It seems my little sister really has spoken ill of me. I’ll have to have a word with her later.”

Hearing Shen Chi mention Shen Xuzhi again, Si Jin pondered for a moment before mustering the courage to ask, “Second Young Master, do you know… when Xuzhi will return to the capital from her journey?”

Shen Chi was taken aback: “You’re asking me about this? I was about to ask Miss Si—my younger sister kept murmuring about handling some matter for you before her departure. But while attending to it, she somehow ended up traveling far away with my elder brother. Before leaving, she only mentioned she’d write to inform you about it. I’ve been wondering what matter could be so mysterious that even I couldn’t be told. Miss Si, have you received my sister’s letter? Could you let this elder brother know his sister’s whereabouts?”

“Wh-what?”

Si Jin’s heart tightened, completely unprepared for this revelation.

Had Shen Xuzhi actually informed her about leaving the capital? What was she supposed to do for her?

Having recently left home in anger after quarreling with Xiao Rong, could this be related?

Just then, Lan Xin approached quickly with the purchased flower basket: “Madam, the flower basket you wanted has been bought.”

But Si Jin neither responded nor looked at her.

She kept gazing at Shen Chi, lips parting several times as if to ask more, yet uncertain where to begin.

Shen Chi watched her and slightly furrowed his brow: “What’s wrong, Miss Si? Are you encountering some trouble?”

“Madam, the flower basket is ready,” Lan Xin called out again.

Si Jin’s heart raced chaotically for two beats before quickly calming down.

Although this man was Shen Xuzhi’s brother, they were clearly not familiar with each other previously. There were many things she didn’t know due to her amnesia—she shouldn’t converse further with him here.

Si Jin lowered her gaze and gave a slight curtsey to Shen Chi: “No, Second Young Master overworries. I haven’t received Xuzhi’s letter yet. I have other matters to attend to today, so I won’t disturb your market visit anymore. Farewell, Second Young Master.”

With that, Si Jin turned and left, leaving Shen Chi stunned. Before he could call out “Miss Si” once more from his throat, her figure had already disappeared from view.

A rare seriousness surfaced on Shen Chi’s typically careless face.

His eyes remained fixed on the direction Si Jin had departed. After standing silently for a moment, he finally turned and walked in the opposite direction.

After leaving the Flower and Bird Market, Si Jin didn’t go anywhere else.

By the time she started returning to the residence, dusk had fallen.

The carriage remained silent for a long time, with both maids keeping their eyes downcast. Si Jin continuously gazed out the carriage window.

Everything seemed unchanged from when they had gone out in the afternoon.

Yet Si Jin’s mind was somewhat unsettled due to the unexpected encounter with Shen Chi.

Shen Xuzhi’s journey was related to her—she should have originally known about Shen Xuzhi’s whereabouts. But having forgotten everything, she no longer knew.

The only thing she could think of now was to inquire from someone else who had known about this trip’s details.

From the maids’ previous reports, it was clear they didn’t know about this matter. But Xiao Rong, as her husband—why did he seem equally unaware?

Si Jin felt there was some crucial point she hadn’t figured out, but her mind was too chaotic to think clearly.

She suddenly withdrew her gaze and turned to ask: “That matter I previously asked Xuzhi to handle for me—are you completely unaware of it?”

Lan Xin quickly looked up and replied: “This servant doesn’t know about that matter. I only know that before Madam left home this time, you had invited Miss Shen (the third) to visit the outskirts together. I don’t know if this is what Madam refers to. At that time, Madam even ordered clothing prepared, saying you wanted to travel beautifully with Miss Shen.”

Qiu Ya chimed in, “Yes, this humble servant also recalls that on the eve of our departure, a careless maid from Wan Yi Fang accidentally dampened the clothes Madam was to wear the following day. Later, I heard from Sister Chun Xing that Madam was lenient and did not punish that maid.”

Si Jin had no recollection of this, but Shen Xuzhi had already left the capital—clearly, it was no simple matter of an outing to the suburbs.

Qiu Ya mentioned Chun Xing again.

Chun Xing might know about this matter, but how could she possibly see Chun Xing, who was now far away in her hometown?

It felt like a dead end: the things she wanted to know, those around her couldn’t tell her, and the one who could was nowhere near.

Perhaps she could learn more from Shen Chi…

“Madam, we’ve arrived.”

Si Jin quickly shook off her thoughts and snapped back to reality.

Lifting her gaze, she noticed another carriage parked in front of the residence.

Qiu Ya spoke up first, “Huh? Has His Lordship returned to the estate?”

Si Jin froze for a moment, then widened her eyes and confirmed that it was indeed Xiao Rong’s carriage parked at the entrance in the twilight.

But hadn’t he gone to visit his mother? It was only the second day—he shouldn’t be back yet.

Si Jin hurriedly stepped out of the carriage. Just as she emerged, Xiao Rong’s figure appeared at the estate’s entrance.

The sun had set, and the lanterns along the front corridor of the Xiao residence remained unlit. Xiao Rong approached against the fading light, his silhouette hazy and somber.

His tone was unreadable as he said, “Didn’t you say you would wait for me at home?”

Si Jin was still stepping down from the carriage and paid little mind to his words. Keeping her eyes on the path beneath her feet, she replied casually, “I had nothing to do today, so I took a stroll around the capital streets. But you—why are you back so soon…”

“Why weren’t you waiting for me at home?” Xiao Rong interrupted, his voice low.

His tone remained flat and calm, yet his deep, magnetic voice carried an intangible pressure.

Si Jin was taken aback, looking up in surprise.

Xiao Rong had somehow drawn close to her without her noticing.

Hadn’t he just been at the entrance? She hadn’t heard his footsteps at all.

In her daze, a chill crept silently around her wrist.

Si Jin glanced down abruptly and saw that Xiao Rong had taken hold of her.

Was it the early winter night’s cold? His hand felt as if it held no warmth.

“Why aren’t you speaking?”

Now, Si Jin felt not only the chill from where he touched her wrist but also a creeping unease at the sound of his voice.

What was going on? Everything had been fine.

She parted her lips, intending to reply naturally, but her words came out hesitant and slightly guilty: “I—I didn’t know you’d return today.”

“But you said you would wait for me at home.”

Xiao Rong took another step closer, his face now inches away, his dark gaze tense and unsettling.

Si Jin found it baffling.

Xiao Rong seemed angry, but she had only gone out during the day. True, she hadn’t been home, but was that really something to be upset about?

Did “waiting at home” mean she was confined to the estate, forbidden to go anywhere, simply waiting for his return?

That seemed unreasonable.

Steadying herself on the ground, Si Jin met his gaze and asked, “Am I not allowed to go out?”

“What did you go out for?”

Xiao Rong spoke with rapid urgency, as if he hadn’t been listening to Si Jin’s words at all—he only sought the answers he desired.

Si Jin’s brow furrowed more deeply. She disliked Xiao Rong’s interrogative tone and found it increasingly incomprehensible.

Pressing her lips into a tight line, she remained silent.

Xiao Rong’s fingers abruptly tightened their grip as he pressed again, “Answer me.”

A sharp pain bloomed in Si Jin’s wrist, making her struggle instinctively. “You—let go of me!”

“Release me, you’re hurting me…”

Before her words fully faded, despite what had seemed an inescapable hold, she broke free with a single flick of her wrist.

Si Jin froze, wondering if the crushing pressure she’d felt moments before had been nothing but an illusion.

Yet in the next moment, the arm she had defensively crossed over her chest suddenly pressed against a firm chest.

Xiao Rong had coiled around her once more, his arms encircling her waist, his body closing in so near it felt suffocating.

Si Jin instinctively did not immediately react to his seemingly embrace-like posture.

But when she lifted her gaze, she met Xiao Rong’s gloomy and somber dark eyes. His face was submerged in the deepening night, evoking an inexplicable sense of fear.

His breathing was slow, his eyes lowered yet fixed unwaveringly on her.

It was not the oppressive force of fierce rage, but an unyielding, clinging restraint.

Si Jin had never seen Xiao Rong like this before and soon began struggling again, her voice trembling, “What are you doing? You’re scaring me, Xiao Rong, let me go!”

Her voice rose uncontrollably high as her peripheral vision unconsciously searched for the servants nearby, only to find that, at some unknown time, there was no one left in front of the gate.

Where had they gone? When had they withdrawn?

The uncertain fright she had felt earlier solidified into reality at this moment.

Si Jin’s scalp tingled, her heart pounding wildly. Her eyes involuntarily stung and reddened, a misty haze clouding her vision as tears quickly welled up.

Amid her struggles, the glimmer of her tears reflected in Xiao Rong’s eyes, causing his embrace to loosen momentarily.

He swallowed visibly, then couldn’t resist lowering his head to draw closer, his tongue darting out to lick away the teardrop at the corner of her eye.

Si Jin’s eyelashes fluttered as Xiao Rong’s lowered, deep voice reached her ears.

“I didn’t see you when I returned to the residence.”

The damp sensation at the corner of her eye was particularly vivid. Realizing they were standing in the wide-open space before the residence gates, Si Jin temporarily set aside her panic and confusion and tried to push him away again.

“I thought you… had left me again.”

Si Jin’s pushing motions paused, her tear-filled eyes slightly dazed.

Was this the reason he had been pressing her so urgently?

The corner of her eye was touched again—whether it was a kiss or a lick, she couldn’t tell amidst the dampness.

Before the teardrop could even slide down her skin, Xiao Rong had already taken it away with his lips.

Si Jin snapped back to her senses instantly, “Stop licking me…”

Her feeble protest actually made Xiao Rong halt his actions.

He was like an extremely obedient child, ignorant of right and wrong, yet immediately correcting his behavior when stopped.

Just as Si Jin was thinking this, Xiao Rong’s lips shifted to her cheek, carrying a slightly cool, damp breath, and began moving toward her lips.

Si Jin’s gaze trembled, and she immediately leaned back to evade.

She took back her earlier thought!

What immediate correction? It was nothing but escalating behavior.

Not an obedient child, but an inextricable vine coiled around her—the moment one part loosened, she’d find another part had already tightened its grip even more.

Layer upon layer of entanglement, with no end in sight, making it impossible to break free from him.

“We’re outside, stop fooling around!”

Si Jin stopped him in a fluster of panic and embarrassment.

With Xiao Rong acting like this, she nearly forgot the anger she had felt from his earlier intimidation.

Si Jin took a moment to steady her breathing and, before Xiao Rong could make another move, spoke up first, answering his question: “I went to the street we visited during the Lantern Festival today, and I also went to the Flower and Bird Market.”

Xiao Rong seemed to have calmed down, but he merely held her without replying.

When Si Jin lifted her gaze from his embrace to look at him, she saw the gloom in his eyes had dissipated, though a shadow of darkness still lingered, not fully reined in.

She gazed into his eyes and couldn’t help imagining him returning to his residence, staring at the empty rooms with that tense and helpless expression.

Had her previous departure frightened him so much that he’d become this anxious now?

The sky had completely darkened, their close embrace hidden within the shadows, making Si Jin feel less of the uncomfortable shyness.

From the corner of her eye, she caught a glimpse of white near the front of the carriage. Turning her head, she saw the flower basket she’d bought today placed there.

She didn’t know whether Lan Xin had forgotten it or if the maids had intentionally left it there before withdrawing earlier.

Si Jin withdrew her hand from Xiao Rong’s embrace and, while still entangled in his tight hold, reached out to retrieve the flower basket.

“I bought you a basket of flowers. I thought the buds would have bloomed by the time you returned, but since you came back early, you’ll have to care for the flower buds yourself until they bloom.”

The basket filled with camellias created some distance between them.

Xiao Rong lowered his gaze to look, the light spots in his eyes unclear whether they were illuminated by the pure white flowers or by the moonlight breaking through the clouds.

“Did you buy it just for me?”

“Of course. You’re the only one I have now. Who else would I buy flowers for besides you?”

He was the only one.

Xiao Rong’s throat moved slightly, his eyes swirling with unfathomable emotions at these words.

The body he held tightly seemed to erode his very bones and blood, making the blood in his veins swell as if about to burst.

He reached out to take the flower basket, staring at the blooming petals as he said in a deep, measured tone: “You still couldn’t remember anything while you were out today.” Si Jin watched the flower basket sway before her eyes and suddenly remembered encountering Shen Chi when she bought the flower basket.

She nodded absentmindedly, then quickly realized Xiao Rong’s words had been stated as a fact rather than a question.

Puzzled, she looked up at him but could no longer see that indescribable expression he’d had while staring intently at the flower basket.

Instead, she saw the corners of his lips slightly upturned, as if he was quite pleased with her gift.

He lowered his head closer, as if to smell the fragrance of the flowers, but his breath ultimately landed by her neck as he took a deep inhale: “Thank you, I’m so happy.”