Chapter 36: She Was Rewarding Him

Si Jin had a dream.

In this dream, it was finally no longer a dark and damp place, nor was there any gloomy or eerie atmosphere.

It was a sunny day, on a high mountain.

The vast sky, the expansive view.

A soft breeze brushed against her face, and she spread her arms to enjoy the moment.

Free, unrestrained.

As if she wanted to merge both body and soul into this vastness.

This dream was so exhilarating, so bright.

It had been a long time since Si Jin had woken up from a dream so reluctantly.

She slowly opened her eyes, her gaze calm, and the familiar beams of the room came into view.

The room was quiet, as if no one was there.

There was clearly nothing unusual around her, unlike the day before when she had woken up and been startled by someone climbing into her bed without warning.

But the moment Si Jin relaxed and turned over, her eyes suddenly trembled in shock.

She was still startled by the tall, motionless figure standing by the window.

Si Jin: “…”

After a moment of speechlessness, she suddenly realized that Xiao Rong was standing in front of Xiao Bai’s birdcage.

The memory of Xiao Bai’s pitiful appearance after being bullied yesterday flashed through her mind.

Si Jin immediately propped herself up and spoke: “What are you going to do to it now?”

Xiao Rong turned around at the sound of her voice, his expression calm, and shifted slightly to reveal the situation with the birdcage beside him.

The birdcage door was still open, and the little bird inside was safe and sound, even tilting its head curiously to look at Xiao Rong, as if it had been staring at him all along.

It seemed Si Jin had once again misjudged a gentleman with a petty heart, but she felt little guilt and simply took the opportunity to get up.

Only then did Xiao Rong speak, answering her earlier question: “I was just looking at it and wondering how you managed to make it like you so much.”

Si Jin paused in the motion of stepping out of bed, blinking as she looked down at the embroidered shoes by the bedside.

She naturally understood the underlying meaning in Xiao Rong’s words, but she did not respond.

She thought that even if Xiao Rong knew the most standard answer, he could never treat her the way she treated Xiao Bai.

People are different from one another.

Especially someone like Xiao Rong…

Si Jin’s thoughts scattered abruptly, her toes tensing instantly.

Xiao Rong had actually walked up to her while she was lost in thought and was now holding her ankle.

Sensing her stiffness, Xiao Rong knelt before her and looked up, his dark eyes fixed intently on her, as if asking, “Is this not allowed either?”

Si Jin: “…”

In the end, it was Xiao Rong who put her shoes on for her.

Life seemed to have returned to how it was before anything had happened.

After breakfast, Xiao Rong left the mansion, as if he no longer needed to keep a constant watch on Si Jin to prevent her from escaping.

In reality, even if Si Jin wanted to escape during the majority of the day when Xiao Rong was out on official business, she would not be able to slip from his grasp. He would surely catch her before nightfall.

Nevertheless, after finishing her toilette, Si Jin ordered the servants to prepare a carriage.

She had not mentioned this at all while Xiao Rong was still at the breakfast table.

Now, with her sudden command, the servants in the mansion showed no surprise, unlike before when they would have tried to dissuade her with a few words. It was as if Xiao Rong had already given them prior instructions.

Whatever the reason, Si Jin did not want to dwell on it.

It was simply because of last night’s dream that she wanted to go to a place with towering peaks and experience the same sense of freedom and exhilaration she had felt in the dream.

There were many mountains around the capital, some tall, some short, some steep, some gentle.

There were plenty of places she could go, but today was not a suitable day for climbing heights.

The weather was bitterly cold, with overcast clouds looming overhead.

Even a gust of wind blowing through the carriage curtains could leave one’s face stiff and numb for a long while.

“Madam, we have reached the foot of Qing Yun Mountain ahead.”

The carriage could not ascend the mountain, so the remaining path had to be climbed step by step to the summit.

Si Jin alighted from the carriage, holding onto Lan Xin’s hand for support.

As it was winter, even the heavy layers of clothing seemed to hinder her steps as she climbed to gain a higher vantage point.

Nevertheless, Si Jin began her ascent.

The mountain path of Qing Yun Mountain was not particularly rugged. She had previously heard Lan Xin and Qiu Ya speak of Le Feng Mountain, where Xiao Rong’s mother resided—that was the truly winding and treacherous path, so long that traveling on foot would likely take from dawn till dusk to reach the summit.

Yet even the path before her now proved exceptionally difficult for Si Jin.

“Madam, would you like some water?”

“Madam, would you care for some pastries to replenish your energy?”

“Madam…”

Finally, Si Jin raised her hand to halt the attentiveness of the accompanying maids.

She merely took the water flask handed to her by Lan Xin. As she tilted her head back slightly, her peripheral gaze inadvertently swept over the faces of the maids.

Their concern today felt somewhat peculiar.

It was not that they had never served her with such meticulous care before.

But today’s mountain climb, aside from her own long-held intentions, was nothing short of a sudden whim for everyone else.

How, then, had they managed to prepare so thoroughly, attending to every detail?

A few sips of water slid down her throat, and Si Jin felt slightly revived.

As she set down the flask, she inexplicably cast her gaze back along the path they had taken up the mountain.

Perhaps because today—or perhaps the entire winter—was not an ideal time for climbing, they had encountered almost no one along the way.

And now, even after resting here for some time, not a single soul had passed by on the path up the mountain.

Si Jin stared at the empty mountain trail for a long while.

It was only when two maids nearby, puzzled, followed her gaze and peered in the same direction that she finally spoke. “Let’s go. We shall continue our ascent.”

After walking for over half an hour, Si Jin understood clearly: whether it was her past self with memories or her current self who had forgotten the past, she was simply not cut out for mountain climbing.

Her legs ached, her feet felt numb, and a fine sweat dampened her back. Each time the wind brushed past, a chill seeped through her collar and into her body.

At this moment, she thought that in her dreams, she must have flown directly to the mountaintop.

Si Jin was miserable, her mind tangled in indecision—whether to turn back and return home or to persist and climb higher.

Fortunately, before she could agonize over the decision, they reached a viewing platform on Qing Yun Mountain, still not even halfway up the slope.

Dragging her weary steps toward the viewing platform, Si Jin felt little enthusiasm to quicken her pace, even as the higher scenery beyond the platform began to faintly emerge.

Finally arriving at the viewing platform, she gazed at the landscape below and was briefly captivated for a moment.

A breeze came, and she slowly raised her arms.

Yet she felt as though she had not even begun to grasp the wind before it slipped through her fingertips, bringing her no sense of freedom or exhilaration.

Standing still and looking out, she soon took in all there was to see of the visible scenery.

The gloomy sky cast a dull, gray hue over the clouds, as if they were about to press down heavily.

After all, they hadn’t even reached the halfway point of the mountain. Si Jin couldn’t imagine what the scenery at the summit might be like, but she no longer had the strength to continue climbing. Even the thought of retracing the path back down made her head ache with resistance.

Stepping away from the viewing platform, Si Jin stood on the mountain path and gazed upward.

If only she could fly directly to the top. Yet, even if she could, she wasn’t sure whether the view from the summit would match her imagination. At least the journey would be effortless.

But if flying wasn’t an option, having Xiao Rong with her might…

Si Jin cut off her thoughts and withdrew her gaze. “Let’s go, we’re heading down,” she said.

Winter days were short, and nights were long.

By the time Si Jin returned to Xiao Fu, the sky had already darkened.

But Xiao Rong hadn’t returned yet.

Si Jin was exhausted and had little appetite. The pastries she had forced herself to eat during the climb to replenish her energy still felt heavy in her stomach, making her uncomfortable.

She didn’t ask for dinner to be prepared. After returning to her room, she bathed directly and curled up on the bed.

The moment she lay down, sounds came from the doorway.

Xiao Rong had returned.

Si Jin didn’t make a sound. She even quickly averted her gaze, which had instinctively turned toward the noise.

When Xiao Rong walked around the screen, he saw Si Jin’s back, as if she were already asleep.

Xiao Rong’s footsteps came to an abrupt halt, as if he were stunned. For a long while, there was no further movement.

After a period of silence in the room, faint sounds could be heard again.

Xiao Rong was clearly making an effort to soften his footsteps, so much so that they were almost imperceptible unless one listened carefully.

The footsteps gradually drew closer, moving toward the bed.

In an instant, Si Jin suddenly turned over, propped herself up on the bed, and sat upright. Her dark eyes fixed directly on Xiao Rong.

The sleeping quarters were unlit, with only a faint glow coming from the hall behind the screen.

Xiao Rong’s tall figure was mostly shrouded in shadows, his face dim and indistinct.

For a moment, the atmosphere seemed to freeze.

Si Jin was staring at him.

And he seemed lost in thought.

After a long pause, Si Jin spoke calmly, “Are you going to stand there forever?”

Xiao Rong finally stirred at her words. “Why is the room so dark?” he asked.

Si Jin shifted her position, leaning against the bed, and tilted her chin toward the direction of the lamp.

Xiao Rong understood and walked over, lighting the lamp in the sleeping quarters with a fire starter.

There had been times like this before.

When Si Jin felt lazy, it was common for her to boss Xiao Rong around.

When Xiao Rong wasn’t in one of his frenzied states, he could be quite considerate.

But the atmosphere now was undeniably different. It was as if someone’s hidden intentions had been exposed, leaving them unsure how to respond or still figuring out a way to handle the situation.

Whether Xiao Rong had come up with any solution remained unknown.

As the room brightened, Si Jin tilted her head and glanced at him. In her line of sight, she noticed his slightly mud-stained satin black boots.

With just one look, Si Jin turned her head away, pretending she hadn’t seen anything and showing no intention of asking about it.

After lighting the lamp, Xiao Rong still made his way toward the bed.

“Did you not eat?” he asked.

“How did you know I didn’t eat?”

Xiao Rong paused. “…I asked the servants at the door.”

“Oh.” Si Jin shifted her legs slightly, intending only to change her position, but the movement made her frown immediately. She fell silent, pursed her lips, and her expression turned sour.

During this brief moment, Xiao Rong stood by without saying a word.

When Si Jin snapped out of her frustration over her sore and weak legs, she lowered her gaze and remained silent.

It seemed another silent tug-of-war had begun between them.

Yet neither revealed what they were contending over.

Si Jin was unusually patient today—perhaps her trip to Qing Yun Mountain had drained all her energy.

Xiao Rong parted his lips and finally took the initiative to break the silence: “Did you go out today?”

Since he asked, Si Jin replied calmly, “Yes, I went out for a while. I’m rather tired now.”

She kept her eyes downcast, inwardly speculating how Xiao Rong might react to this.

She had deliberately not mentioned her outing to him that morning, but judging by the servants in the residence and what she knew of Xiao Rong, he must have been aware of her movements even without her saying a word.

And now he was feigning ignorance with such a question.

How poorly acted.

Si Jin grumbled to herself, stealing a sidelong glance at the man standing rigidly by the bed.

The frustration of her fruitless mountain climb and the resulting soreness washed over her.

Si Jin twisted her body and suddenly turned over, lying face down on the bed.

Burying her head, she asked as if to herself, “Could you massage me?”

The atmosphere by the bed stiffened noticeably, then grew tense, dissipated, and filled with hesitation.

Xiao Rong’s pupils contracted. His gaze fell upon Si Jin’s waist and back, wrapped in soft sleepwear, her slender legs, and the curve of her hips.

She had often presented herself like this before—most times when she was too exhausted and he would flip her over by the waist.

Sometimes in sleepwear, sometimes disheveled, or even completely exposed.

At times, she would turn over herself, only to tremble and nearly lose her balance after a slap from him.

Though Si Jin’s current posture held no hint of impropriety, Xiao Rong’s mind was already flooded with a thousand indecent thoughts.

His heartbeat quickened, the turbulent darkness in his eyes vanishing in an instant, leaving them blank.

He swallowed heavily, the sound drowned out by Si Jin’s voice.

“Unwilling…?”Before she could finish, Xiao Rong stepped forward, sat on the edge of the bed, and gripped her waist, his thumb pressing into the hollow of her back with a force that seemed on the verge of losing control.”

“Where?”

“Mmm…” Si Jin let out an involuntary moan.

It was truly unintentional—Xiao Rong’s grip had drawn the sound from her. If she hadn’t suppressed it, it might have…

“Where?”he repeated, his voice low and grating to the ears.” The heat from his large hand seeped through her sleepwear, as if ready to ignite her.

“My legs, massage my legs. Don’t touch my waist—it’s a bit ticklish.”

Flustered, Si Jin’s voice trembled slightly. Her authoritative tone lasted only a moment before crumbling.

Xiao Rong shifted his hands, repositioning them on her legs.

If she could ignore the intensely invasive gaze she could feel even with her back turned, the sensation would be utterly relaxing and pleasant.

After a long day of fatigue, having someone attend to her like this was beyond comfortable.

But that unreasonable gaze from behind threatened to shatter all comfort into chaos.

Though the pressure was clearly on her legs, Si Jin felt as if her back were being stripped bare—caressed, kneaded, even tasted.

From her shoulders and back, down her spine, to…

She suddenly clenched instinctively.

“Relax, don’t tighten up like that.” Xiao Rong’s voice mingled with Si Jin’s soft moan.

The originally reasonable statement was now filled with ambiguity.

Si Jin buried her face in the pillow, unable to conceal her shame and indignation, her voice muffled: “Stop talking nonsense.”

As if to prove he wasn’t speaking idly,
Xiao Rong tightened his grip, clasping her thigh.

The tension in Si Jin’s muscles instantly dissolved under the pressure of Xiao Rong’s large hand. The soft flesh of her thigh, unlike Xiao Rong’s firmness, spilled through his fingers, nearly kneaded into formless pulp.

“Mmm…” Si Jin vocalized involuntarily, biting her lip before retorting angrily, “If you keep this up, I won’t let you massage me anymore.”

The altered tone of her scolding held little intimidation yet proved surprisingly effective.

Xiao Rong’s hand loosened momentarily before resuming its position, applying measured pressure with pure focus, genuinely resembling a proper massage.

Time passed indeterminately—so long that Si Jin nearly drifted asleep in the comfort.

Suddenly snapping back to awareness, she lifted her leg to nudge Xiao Rong: “Enough, that should do it. Don’t you ever get tired?”

“I’m not tired.”

“But I already feel much better.” As she spoke, Si Jin attempted to turn over while withdrawing her leg from his grasp.

Yet at her slightest movement, Xiao Rong’s hand tightened, sliding from her thigh down to her calf, capturing her firmly.

Si Jin froze, tensing as she exclaimed in alarm: “What are you doing? Let go!”

Xiao Rong’s expression remained stoic, but turbulent emotions churned visibly in his eyes—desire, thirst, restlessness, agitation.

Complex feelings intertwined in his gaze, making even his neutral expression radiate intimidating pressure.

The relaxation from the earlier massage seemed to evaporate abruptly, dragging the atmosphere down with it.

Xiao Rong’s hand encircled her leg, gliding from her calf downward to her ankle, then settling against her foot.

Si Jin remained still for now, and the grip maintained its restrained threat.

But had she struggled even slightly, his palm would have instantly tightened to secure her completely.

Lying sideways, Si Jin studied Xiao Rong’s eyes, needing no further speculation to discern the dark thoughts occupying his mind.

It truly mirrored his own admission: when unable to conceal, he ceased hiding.

Yet even with Si Jin’s silence and stillness, his hand unconsciously tightened progressively.

“Xiao Jin, what are you trying to do?”

He asked hoarsely, his tone deliberate.

Si Jin frowned, the tension of potentially being trapped again gradually receding.

She raised her other foot to kick at him—not forcefully enough to move him, but planting it against his abdominal muscles.

“I want you to let go. I said, let go.”

“Not that.”

Xiao Rong’s gaze darkened as he watched her, his voice cooling gradually: “Xiao Jin, this isn’t punishment.”

She was rewarding him.

Lying obediently on the couch, rewarding him with her touch.

Now even placing her foot upon him…

Xiao Rong’s abdomen involuntarily tensed, causing the pale jade-like foot to rise and fall with his breathing.

His breath deepened, one hand maintaining its grip while the other curled tightly beneath his sleeve.

But he hadn’t earned this—this unwarranted reward only bred surging desire, leaving overwhelming unease in its wake.

Unease about her motives for this behavior.

Unease about the conclusions he’d drawn himself.

“You saw me today.”

Xiao Rong stated this as a declaration.

Si Jin was momentarily stunned. Even without speaking, her expression already confirmed Xiao Rong’s words.

“You went to Qing Yun Mountain, brought servants from the residence, climbed all the way to the viewing platform below the mountainside, then turned back to descend. You saw me halfway down.”

Si Jin interrupted him: “I didn’t see you.”

Just as Xiao Rong was about to refute, she immediately continued: “I only sensed it, felt…”

Xiao Rong suddenly fell silent, though his gaze remained fixed intently on Si Jin. Even while holding her foot, he seemed to be guarding against her possibly disappearing from his sight.

“I felt you following behind me the entire time.”

Si Jin’s voice broke the silence.

She wasn’t lying – at that time she truly sensed someone following behind her.

Though there was clearly someone behind her, it didn’t bring her much sense of danger.

Deep down, she faintly felt she had experienced this sensation before some time ago.

For no particular reason, she recalled how on the journey back to the capital, Xiao Rong had bowed his head and said – whether genuinely or pretending to be wronged – that she never brought him along.

Back then, she still didn’t know what kind of person Xiao Rong was.

Thinking about it now, he wasn’t the type to remain docile and inactive if left behind.

Stalking – he was completely capable of it, and had likely done so countless times from past to present.

“So, what do you want to do?”

Xiao Rong’s thumb slowly stroked her ankle. Though the touch was light, it brought a sensation impossible to ignore.

His emotionally ambiguous whisper crept into her ear, as if intending to transform this feeling gradually into an instinct to flee.

“You knew I was following you, yet you didn’t expose me. Just now when I returned to the room, you looked down at the mountain mud on my shoes, but you still said nothing.”

Xiao Rong’s dark pupils suppressed the increasingly turbulent emotions within, carefully noting every minute change in Si Jin’s expression.

“Are you testing me?”

Xiao Rong’s gaze seemed to see right through her.

Not just through her thoughts, but through her entire body – inside and out, bones and blood, skin and flesh, every inch without exception.

Seeing him like this, Si Jin found it utterly incomprehensible: “Why must you always think this way?”

“Then how should I think?” Xiao Rong knelt on one knee on the bed, slowly leaning closer toward her.

“Yesterday I heard – Shen Chi told you Shen Xuzhi will soon return to the capital.”

Hearing this, Si Jin’s face momentarily froze.

Suspicion, doubt.

His insecurity seemed so deeply rooted it couldn’t be pulled out or removed.

The air congealed, deathly still.

It seemed like the tense atmosphere could explode at any touch again.

Si Jin sighed quietly to herself, feeling he was becoming increasingly unreasonable.

If only he would listen to the insane things he was saying.

Shen Chi was someone he himself had sought out – having found the person, he then drifted like a ghost outside the window, resentfully staring inside.

Since he had heard about Shen Xuzhi’s return to the capital, yet said nothing all day yesterday, suppressing it only to sneak to her bedside at night and freely touch her all over.

And today even more so – having followed her all day, then returning to put on an act asking this and that.

Could it be he only knew how to think about these endlessly dark matters?

The more Si Jin thought about it, the angrier she became, her brow unconsciously furrowing tightly as she was about to uncontrollably vent her fury.

Suddenly her throat tightened, her eyes widening abruptly.

Xiao Rong had reached his hand to her neck. The same large hand that had just been transmitting waves of warmth through her nightgown to her leg had now shed all temperature, chillingly cold enough to make one tremble.

The exquisite reward twisted into thorns coiled around his heart—each moment of pleasure brought an equal measure of excruciating pain.

He gazed at her with profound gloom, his entire presence looming over her as if about to crush her. His palm gripped her lifeline, yet his voice sank to the depths of a valley, nearly suffocating every breath.

“You suddenly reward me—is it to lower my guard, so you can discuss with Shen Xuzhi how to escape from my side once she returns to the capital?”

Xiao Rong’s cold, heavy tone slowly laid bare every scheme she had hidden in her heart, as if to strangle them in the cradle before she could even begin to act. Si Jin watched his face, so close it seemed about to shatter, with an unreadable expression.

Then she slowly lowered her gaze, letting it fall upon his distinct, well-defined fingers.

Suddenly, she grew furious—what had she been afraid of all this time?

Was it this hand that gripped her neck yet dared not exert the slightest force? Or this fool who, once plagued by insecurity, couldn’t even guess the thoughts she hadn’t bothered to hide?

A moment later, Si Jin took a deep breath, abruptly exerted force with her leg, and mercilessly kicked him off the bed.

“Who in the world would consider serving others like a slave a reward?!”