Chapter 39 “You weren’t trying to escape from me…”

Xiao Rong remained silent, his kneeling posture almost completely enveloping Si Jin beneath him.

Yet Si Jin neither avoided nor resisted, clutching his collar as she lifted her gaze to meet his directly.

At that moment, Lan Xin’s voice came from outside the door: “My lord, I have summoned Doctor Liu. He awaits at the entrance.”

Before Xiao Rong could part his lips to respond, Si Jin had already turned her head toward the door: “Have him wait a moment. Do not enter yet.” After a brief pause, Lan Xin replied: “Yes, madam.”

The sound of retreating footsteps faded from the doorway.

Si Jin’s attention was no longer on Xiao Rong’s face.

She didn’t look at him again, her gaze falling instead upon her own fingers still clutching his collar.

Her fingertips twitched slightly, then crept inward along his collar.

A sudden swallowing sound broke peculiarly through the heavy atmosphere.

Hearing this, Si Jin began to lift her head.

Her vision blurred momentarily, and before she could see clearly, a large hand abruptly covered her eyes.

Xiao Rong finally spoke: “You dislike what I have to say. Since you’ve… returned, let the doctor examine you first.”

Si Jin blinked beneath his palm.

She couldn’t help feeling that in his moment of hesitation, he had meant to say “since you’ve been caught by me.”

The broad hand nearly covered half her face, the heat from his palm spreading across her skin. Yet being blinded like this brought no tension or unease.

Sensing the hand was about to withdraw after a brief silence,

Si Jin suddenly raised her hand to stop him: “It was someone sent by Si Yue.”

Xiao Rong’s movement stilled.

“That person told me you had sent him to bring me back to the residence. Without much thought, I followed him to where the carriage waited by the side gate of Wangyue Inn. It wasn’t until I boarded the carriage that I realized something was wrong.”

Si Jin felt the hand pressed against her face tremble slightly, his fingers curling unconsciously.

“I didn’t know where they were taking the carriage, but during the ride I overheard them mention my elder brother, Si Yue.”

“When the carriage stopped, I found an opportunity to escape and ran straight into the forest.”

Xiao Rong suddenly pulled his hand back, breaking free from Si Jin’s grasp, and leaned forward to embrace her tightly: “You weren’t trying to escape from me.”

When Si Jin had arranged to meet Shen Xuzhi today and left the residence, she had already suspected.

No matter how magnanimous he appeared, how thoroughly he had prepared, even disappearing since morning as if to spare himself the sight –

his heart couldn’t truly be at peace.

She just hadn’t expected sudden events would push Xiao Rong’s anxious suspicions to their peak, perhaps without even careful consideration, leading him to believe she was using this chance to escape.

Si Jin suddenly remembered that copper lock he had taken out earlier only to throw back into the drawer.

“I’m sorry…”

Whether for the copper lock, or for mistakenly thinking she had fled.

Si Jin remained silent, allowing him to hold her for a while.

The heartbeat against her chest was distinctly chaotic, her hair tingling with his heavy breaths.

Until she felt a deliberate nuzzle against her neck.

Coming back to her senses, Si Jin pushed him away: “I rolled through the grass several times. How could you put me directly on the bed? I want to bathe.”

Only after speaking did Si Jin notice the faint redness at the corners of Xiao Rong’s eyes.

He quickly lowered his gaze to conceal it, his fingers stealthily reaching toward her side, hooking onto hers as her hand fell.

“I’ll have someone prepare bathwater. Let the physician examine you first.”

Si Jin felt she hadn’t been injured—the entire ordeal had been more frightening than anything else.

But since the Estate Physician was already at the door, she nodded in agreement.

Though she consented, Xiao Rong didn’t leave immediately.

His lowered gaze remained fixed on her fingers, which lay obediently entwined in his.

He gently toyed with them; the completely relaxed digits lifted momentarily before settling back into his palm.

“Stop playing, you…”

Si Jin’s soft protest was instantly silenced.

Her lips were captured in a warm, moist embrace as the probing tip of his tongue spread heat throughout her mouth.

Fingers tightened, breath was stolen.

An urgent yet careful kiss sent the surrounding temperature soaring.

Xiao Rong swallowed heavily several times before slowly withdrawing from her lips.

“I’ll call for bathwater and have the Estate Physician enter.”

His voice was soft, grinding with barely suppressed hoarseness, as if fearing louder tones might shatter this illusion-like tenderness.

Si Jin’s lips remained crimson and moist, her eyes misty from the kiss.

Propping herself up, she tilted her head to watch his retreating figure until the screen completely blocked her view, then finally looked away.

Si Jin’s knee was scraped, standing out starkly against her fair skin, though it was merely a trivial injury.

Beyond this, she truly had no other wounds, and the fright she’d experienced had gradually subsided.

Only when Si Jin had removed her robes and was preparing to step into the bathing tub did she hear someone enter the room.

None other than Xiao Rong, of course.

But where had he gone earlier?

Contemplating this, Si Jin stepped into the tub.

Warm water enveloped her body, splashing noisily as she sat down.

“Let me wash you.”

Si Jin turned abruptly, instinctively covering herself with her arms.

She knew he’d returned but hadn’t heard his approach, startling her.

The flicker of embarrassment that had risen gradually faded.

Si Jin felt her cheeks burning, unsure whether from the steamy air or something else.

The mist also blurred her vision slightly, making it difficult to discern Xiao Rong’s expression beneath his silence.

Xiao Rong stepped closer to the tub.

Kneeling beside it, he lifted her water-slicked arm.

Glistening droplets rolled down her smooth skin, leaving trails that gleamed in the candlelight, inviting wandering thoughts.

But Xiao Rong didn’t linger—his thumb brushed over her skin, erasing the water trails, leaving only his warmth behind.

Si Jin felt perplexed, unable to guess what occupied Xiao Rong’s thoughts.

Was he still dwelling on her meeting with Shen Xuzhi, or worrying about her dangerous encounter?

His somber demeanor made it hard not to suspect dark musings.

Si Jin parted her lips to speak, then pressed them shut again.

She had already explained the entire sequence of events—there was nothing more to add.

She’d allowed his embrace.

Permitted his kiss.

Now she hadn’t even driven him out during her bath.

How much more coaxing did he require?

“It’s my fault,” Xiao Rong suddenly spoke, his deep voice pulling Si Jin from her thoughts.

Amid the splashing water, he lifted her other arm.

“I failed to protect you.”

“Again.”

Si Jin stared blankly: “This was an accident. You couldn’t have known.”

Xiao Rong’s lowered lashes were misted with dampness, fluttering lightly, somewhat dazzling to behold.

“Whether aware or not, I should never have allowed this to happen.”

He had never been confident she would willingly stay by his side, and now he couldn’t even guarantee her safety.

Hearing the unusual tone in his voice, Si Jin couldn’t help but form a suspicion: “Did my elder brother and parents leave the capital because of… him?”

“Yes.”

“I will resolve this matter completely. Could you…” He paused, releasing the freshly cleansed arm he had been holding, but left the sentence unfinished.

Si Jin pressed, “Could I what?”

Xiao Rong had always believed that no matter where Si Jin went, he could find her and follow her.

But the finding he desired wasn’t the heart-stopping moment of seeing her collapsed in a pool of blood, nor was it the panic and fear that had shrouded his heart throughout this uncertain journey about her safety.

Even if she wanted to leave him, even if she wanted to depart from this place.

Could she wait until he had resolved this matter.

Could she wait until he had cleared all dangers from the path.

Could she wait until he could…

Oppressive thoughts descended upon him like a tidal wave.

Xiao Rong’s gaze darkened as he moved around to Si Jin’s back, positioning himself where she couldn’t see his expression, and muttered in a muffled voice, “You can’t shake me off. Even if you run away, I’ll always follow you.”

Si Jin froze for a moment, instinctively starting to turn her head, but Xiao Rong anticipated the movement and gripped the back of her neck, immobilizing her head.

She struggled slightly, but the kneading pressure on her neck sent tingling sensations through her, quickly defeating her resistance.

Si Jin pressed her lips together, simultaneously annoyed and amused.

After maintaining this stalemate for a while, Xiao Rong gradually relaxed his grip, his hand continuing to move as if still properly washing her.

From the back of her neck to her shoulders and back.

The submerged skin rippled with the water’s movement, creating sensations as if being caressed.

But the hand near her neck never completely withdrew, as if ready to grip her again at any moment.

Relaxing into her position facing away from him, Si Jin suddenly spoke: “Today Xu Zhi told me that from the very beginning, you deceived me into marriage.”

Xiao Rong’s movements abruptly stiffened, and even his breathing became inaudible behind her.

But Si Jin didn’t turn around and continued: “I’ve never liked you since childhood. Before losing my memory, we weren’t truly a loving couple. I tried to escape, but you found me and brought me back.”

“Xiao Jin…”

“Xu Zhi asked me if I still plan to run away now?”

Xiao Rong’s Adam’s apple bobbed once, his suppressed breathing growing heavier.

Si Jin couldn’t see him, and he similarly couldn’t see her expression from behind.

His slightly parted lips seemed poised to utter tense words.

But Si Jin spoke first again: “I told her I don’t plan to run away anymore.”

The bathwater rippled.

Xiao Rong stood stunned, forgetting to maintain his grip on her.

Si Jin turned around and immediately met his dark eyes.

“So now I want to ask – if I wait for you, will you go to Xiqiu with me?”

For a moment, the room fell into complete silence.

Xiao Rong’s hand still rested on Si Jin’s shoulder.

The area had long been washed clean and smooth, yet he hadn’t removed his hand.

The interweaving of their heartbeats became distinct in the stillness, continuous, fast and chaotic.

Si Jin’s initial bold straightforwardness, which had given her the upper hand, gradually wavered amidst this disorderly symphony.

She waited for Xiao Rong’s response but grew somewhat uncomfortable under his gaze, eventually looking away.

Her lowered eyes caught the rise and fall of his chest beneath his slightly damp collar, his raised arm taut and rigid.

Si Jin watched the muscle movements visible even through his clothing and couldn’t resist extending her index finger to poke his arm.

Xiao Rong’s breathing deepened abruptly as he resumed movement, seizing her restless finger along with her entire hand in his palm.

“Does that sentence mean what I think it means?”

Si Jin instinctively struggled against the sudden restraint, but Xiao Rong’s fingers only tightened further in response.

Yet the constriction lasted merely a moment. When Si Jin lowered her gaze, the pressure had already mostly receded, leaving only the warmth of his palm enveloping her hand.

Just as he never dared to truly grip her tightly.

Like the bronze lock fastened shut, like the golden ring encircling her.

He tried every method to keep her, yet never truly confined her.

All these days, Si Jin had been pondering.

She and Xiao Rong argued, entangled, stirred up stalemates, then both succumbed to the gloom of unresolved outcomes.

She could escape countless times, and Xiao Rong could find her countless times.

Whether far or near, whether safe or dangerous.

When Shen Xuzhi asked that question, she suddenly recalled when she first followed Xiao Rong back to the capital. On the journey, he had said: “Next time you want to leave home, take smoother roads—it should be much easier.”

As if she were always thinking of how to leave him, and he never believed she would truly stay with him.

Next time, another time, yet again.

Seemingly endless, and never becoming any easier.

They would continue entangled like this, forever sunk in their respective anxieties and defenses.

But why must it be this way?

Si Jin took a deep breath and raised her eyes to look directly at him.

“I want to try.”

“To truly become husband and wife—you and me. Will we actually find happiness because of it?”