Chapter 40 “Like a Dream”

The dimming sky prolonged the tranquil atmosphere within the room.

Candlelight flickered, casting swaying shadows before her eyes.

Si Jin leaned against the bed, her gaze drifting left and right without finding a fixed point.

She couldn’t bear this indescribably tense atmosphere, yet didn’t know how to break it.

She was the one who suggested giving things a try with Xiao Rong, but when his eyes trembled and he looked at her pleadingly asking, “What should I do?”

She found herself at a loss for how to respond.

Before learning the truth, she had believed she and Xiao Rong were truly married.

They kept each other company, slept in each other’s arms, performed the most intimate acts between husband and wife, and whispered lovers’ words too shy to be heard by outsiders.

But that had all been false – occurring when she had no memories, built upon Xiao Rong’s lies.

So what should a real marriage be like now? How should they proceed?

Si Jin’s wandering gaze suddenly met Xiao Rong’s as he turned to look at her.

Their eyes locked briefly before Si Jin quickly looked away.

Except during her illness, Xiao Rong had been sleeping on the bed behind the screen door recently.

Si Jin thought his initial claim that she would banish him there whenever they argued must have been another lie.

Yet now, through strange twists of fate, it had become reality.

Given the current situation, it seemed he should return to sleeping on the main bed today.

Si Jin could feel Xiao Rong still watching her.

She was the only one who had looked away in discomfort.

With downcast eyes, Si Jin asked stiffly, “Have… you bathed yet?”

A soft sound came from nearby, as if Xiao Rong had put down whatever he’d been holding.

“Not yet. I’ll go now.”

Hearing his reply, Si Jin felt her question made her seem overly eager.

Yet his tone remained completely calm and unaffected.

Pursing her lips, Si Jin turned sideways, putting her back completely to Xiao Rong, cutting off even peripheral sight of him. She offered a perfunctory “Mm” while feeling under her pillow for the book she’d been reading earlier.

Xiao Rong remained standing motionless for a while, as if still watching her.

Si Jin could feel his gaze so intensely it made her spine tingle.

Was he going to bathe or not? Did he have something to say?

Just as Si Jin was about to lose patience and turn around, footsteps suddenly sounded behind her.

Xiao Rong turned and walked away, his footsteps gradually fading until the sound of the door opening and closing echoed through the room.

Si Jin’s gaze faltered as she abruptly turned back.

Xiao Rong had naturally disappeared, presumably gone to bathe.

Then why had he been standing there staring at her!

After stewing in her own awkward irritation for a while, she got up, slipped on her embroidered shoes, and walked to the table to extinguish the room’s candles.

As darkness enveloped the room, Si Jin felt her way back to bed and pulled the covers over herself while lying on her side.

The darkness sharpened all senses except sight.

Si Jin heard the wind outside, the rustling of leaves on branches, and the powerful beating of her own heart.

The past six months since losing her memories had become the only traces left in Si Jin’s mind.

And within those traces, Xiao Rong’s figure appeared most frequently.

For the past six months, it had been a new phase of acquaintance with Xiao Rong for Si Jin—from strangers to familiarity, from wariness to trust. They had shared joy and quarrels, cold wars and sweetness.

Even if built upon the void of a missing past, these were moments she had genuinely experienced.

Si Jin thought that even if she hadn’t lost her memories and spent the same amount of time with Xiao Rong, she wouldn’t have the same feelings as she did now.

Xiao Rong was a man of few words, his emotions mostly buried deep within. What he showed was a deliberately feigned calm and indifference, but the truly dark, boundless thoughts in his heart were indeed frightening.

Yet, he had never truly harmed her.

His most obsessive thought was simply not letting her leave his side—or rather, that he would never leave hers.

Si Jin had even imagined that if she were to leave again, no matter how smoothly or easily, one day she might turn around and suddenly see those pitch-black eyes fixed intently on her, telling her, “Xiao Jin, I’ve found you.”

Si Jin shuddered involuntarily.

The thought was rather terrifying.

But on second thought, after he found her, aside from his shadow-like presence and his impulsive yet restrained behavior, there didn’t seem to be any situation that could be considered a crisis.

Suddenly.

A cool sensation enveloped her from behind.

Si Jin’s eyes widened in shock, her entire body tensing as she instinctively prepared to scream.

“It’s me.”

A deep voice sounded near her ear, accompanied by the feeling of being embraced from behind.

Si Jin’s breath hitched, stuck in her throat. It took her a while to calm down before she could turn her head.

Xiao Rong stood by the bed, leaning over to hold her.

“Do you walk without making a sound?!”

No wonder she always felt like running away when he startled her—who acted like this!

“I made noise. You just didn’t hear it.”

Xiao Rong’s arms loosened slightly, as if slowly withdrawing from her.

But even after a long moment, his hands hadn’t fully retracted. He remained bent over, his cheek almost pressed against her neck.

“Isn’t your back sore? How long are you going to hold me like this?”

“My back is fine.”

Si Jin: “…”

A warm breath brushed against her neck, mingling with the chill Xiao Rong had brought from outside, sending an indescribable, tingling sensation through her body.

Si Jin couldn’t take it anymore. Since she had planned for this today anyway, and her awkward feelings hadn’t completely subsided, she spoke up first, “Come up. Don’t just stand there.”

The arm that had been wrapped around her for a while without fully withdrawing stiffened for a moment before finally pulling away.

The sudden retreat made Si Jin instinctively lean in the direction his arm had moved.

She caught herself quickly and stopped, only turning her head back naturally.

Rustling sounds came from the bedside, and in the moonlight, she could make out Xiao Rong’s silhouette.

Tall and dark, like a mountain about to press down.

Yet Xiao Rong’s movements as he climbed onto the bed were gentle.

He lifted the covers and lay down beside her, then turned to face her.

Si Jin opened her mouth to speak, but before she could say anything, the arm that had just retreated returned to her, pulling her into an embrace.

“It feels like a dream.”

Xiao Rong’s voice was low, so soft it was almost indistinct even up close.

Si Jin chuckled, “It’s just letting you come back to bed to sleep. Why make such a fuss?”

Xiao Rong’s voice grew even quieter, as if afraid of waking from the dream, “It’s being husband and wife with you.”

Si Jin was momentarily dazed when she suddenly heard the heartbeat pressed against her back.

Unlike Xiao Rong’s low voice, it was heavy and chaotic—the sound of someone afraid to disturb a dream yet unable to restrain themselves.

He was far from as calm and composed as he appeared on the surface.

Instead, he might have been utterly clueless about how to behave. After cautiously asking what he should do, he remained at a loss, unsure how to proceed.

He feared nothing was real, and even if it were, that he might lose it all because he never seemed to get things right.

Si Jin felt her hair being gently shifted, moved to the other side to avoid being crushed by him as he drew closer.

Her neck was exposed, and soon a soft warmth pressed against it—his cheek.

Xiao Rong’s heartbeat was impossible to ignore, each thrumming beat resonating deep within her, making her own heart race as well.

Yet the next moment, after arranging her hair, Xiao Rong whispered, “Go to sleep.”

Si Jin: “?”

The breathing behind her gradually evened out and slowed. Despite the thunderous heartbeat, the person behind her seemed to have settled into slumber.

Si Jin fell silent, her brows gradually furrowing.

She suddenly shifted away from him: “How can I sleep like this?”

The moment she moved away, the person behind her immediately pressed close again.

Tighter and more firm than before, fully against the small of her back, he declared even more unabashedly, “It’s been a while. It’s excited, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

It sounded like a pretext for selfish desires, but after saying this, Xiao Rong added, “Sleep.”

Si Jin: “???”

Then, indeed, there were no further movements from behind—except for that impossible-to-ignore, persistently restless heartbeat, as if defying its owner’s composure.

Si Jin’s brow twitched slightly, and she took a deep breath.

Suddenly, she reached a hand toward his waist and abdomen.

The moment her fingertips touched the heat, a rough, heavy breath sounded by her neck.

Her wrist was abruptly seized, but he said nothing and made no further moves.

The fingers encircling her wrist appeared to hold her tightly, yet in reality, they exerted no force at all.

Si Jin paused for a moment, testing whether she could withdraw her hand from in front of him.

Sure enough, that large hand suddenly tightened, deliberately or not, pressing her palm downward for an instant.

Another rough gasp followed.

Si Jin felt the temperature under the covers rise to near scorching levels.

What did he mean by “it’s been a while”? It hadn’t been that long at all.

Just a few days ago, they had been together…

But it was stirring so fiercely, every moment seeming to cry out in grievance over the recent neglect.

Si Jin abruptly curled her fingers.

The body holding her shuddered violently.

When pretense reached its limit, true nature emerged.

Si Jin’s waist was instantly encircled more tightly by Xiao Rong’s arm, his breath falling by her ear as if deliberately unsettling her.

Xiao Rong moved without rhythm…

“Xiao Jin, you’re so warm.”

Si Jin let out a soft whimper. Though it was only her leg, her entire body felt…

“Clearly… it’s you…”

Xiao Rong tilted his head, nuzzling her neck as if in a daze: “I like you so much…”

Si Jin’s thoughts drifted away.

She parted her lips, unconsciously inviting…

All movement behind her froze for a moment.

The air grew so still it seemed to jolt one awake from the atmosphere.

Si Jin was taken aback, realizing something, and couldn’t help but turn her head to look back.

Her vision blurred before she could even process what was happening.

A sharp tearing sound—

Si Jin’s eyes widened abruptly, her gaze trembling uncontrollably.

Any involuntary cries were stifled as Xiao Rong gripped her chin and sealed her lips with his own.

Torn fabric lay scattered around them, soon ripped away completely and discarded to some unknown corner.

Si Jin instinctively reached out to search for it, but her halfway-extended hand was caught firmly by Xiao Rong.

His grip was tight, as though confirming her very existence.

His mouth devoured hers with rough urgency—her palate repeatedly explored, her tongue stirred until its root tingled numbly, her breath stolen until she nearly suffocated.

Si Jin didn’t know how to describe what this frantic, reckless kiss made her feel.

Her thoughts seemed hollowed out. Overwhelmed by his force, she instinctively raised a hand to push him away.

Somehow, her hand broke free—

And landed with a sharp slap across Xiao Rong’s face.

His grip on her waist tightened instantly. Everything froze—even the kiss at her lips withdrew abruptly.

Si Jin gasped for air, chest heaving. As Xiao Rong pulled away, her vision cleared slightly.

The night remained heavy and dark. Xiao Rong hung his head, staring motionlessly, his expression unreadable and shifting.

Her mind still dazed, Si Jin was abruptly abandoned as Xiao Rong withdrew.

She tried to think, but could only instinctively draw her knees up in uncertainty.

Without a word, Xiao Rong turned and left the bed.

The room’s candle was lit, and the intense, heated intimacy shrouded in darkness seemed about to dissolve in the sudden brightness.

Si Jin squinted, unaccustomed to the light. In her blurred vision, Xiao Rong strode back, his robes in disarray.

The ties of his sleepwear were torn open haphazardly. As his knee hit the bed, he cast his outer robe to the floor.

Kneeling before her, his eyes darkened, and he seized her ankle.

“That didn’t count.”

Rarely had she seen him so flustered and angry, and a hint of smugness stirred in her.

Mimicking his usual feigned composure, she struggled, legs kicking as if to push him away.

“What do you mean it didn’t count? You’re the one who said you were about to—”

Before she could finish, Xiao Rong suddenly lifted her. In the bright light, every detail was starkly visible.

The darkness in his eyes deepened, his Adam’s apple bobbing heavily.

“You hit me.”

…………

Shock and indignation surged through Si Jin, but her strength was no match for his.

Hadn’t he enjoyed being struck? How dare he turn the tables!

She raised her hand as if to slap him again.

Her slender wrist was effortlessly caught. Xiao Rong guided her palm along his rough fingertips, raising each of her fingers one by one, until his hand slid between hers, interlacing their fingers tightly.

He tilted his head, brought her fingertips to his lips, and kissed them meticulously.

Heat flushed his face, a crimson hue spreading from the corners of his eyes, staining his usually stern features.

He looked so undone, as if he might—

The sight made Si Jin’s eyes burn. Her finger in his mouth pressed down suddenly.

Pinning his tongue, cupping his cheek.

Xiao Rong gripped her hand tightly, his entire body freezing. It took a long moment before his ragged breathing eased.

His gaze hazy, he licked her fingertip almost pleadingly.

As if he knew this would earn him a reward.

Si Jin pressed her palm more firmly against his cheek.

The sounds around her were chaotic—the sound of breathing, the thumping of heartbeats, the noise of him sucking back and forth, and the increasingly torn sound of fabric.

Si Jin was tangled in a hazy confusion, unable to sink to the bottom nor float to the surface.

Suddenly, her neck was grabbed.

After kissing her everywhere else, Xiao Rong finally returned to her front, lowering his head to capture her lips.

Her body was restrained, her breath invaded, and even all her senses were enveloped under his control.

It felt like suffocation, confinement, an inescapable imprisonment.

But was it truly so?

Si Jin opened her eyes from the haze, gazing at the face so close to hers, filled with infatuation.

Slowly, she extended the tip of her tongue, pressing against his insatiably seeking tongue, and lightly traced a circle inward.

A sudden, rapid breath escaped from the man before her. Si Jin’s eyes met a pair of dark, misty pupils, trembling with shock and disbelief.

A smile curled at the corner of Si Jin’s lips as she raised her hands to cup Xiao Rong’s face, placing a gentle kiss by his mouth.

“You’ve come out again.”