Chapter 47: She Doesn’t Remember Xiao Rong

The visit to You Shui Residence to see Xiao Rong’s mother turned out far simpler and more ordinary than Si Jin had imagined.

As Xiao Rong had described, his mother’s condition seemed to have improved somewhat, yet she still couldn’t remember things or recognize people.

When they arrived at You Shui Residence, she was sitting quietly alone in the courtyard.

The servants waiting at a distance bowed in greeting, but she appeared not to hear them, her vacant gaze fixed ahead without movement.

Xiao Rong led Si Jin forward until they stood before his mother, yet she showed no reaction.

“Mother.” Xiao Rong crouched down, looking up at her slightly.

Xiao’s Mother blinked, as if responding.

She turned her head very slowly until her gaze settled on Xiao Rong’s face.

Si Jin felt Xiao Rong’s hand tighten around hers momentarily.

It was an instinctive defensive reaction.

Xiao’s Mother raised her hand.

Si Jin didn’t understand why, but she vaguely sensed something.

She recalled what Xiao Rong had told her about his mother hitting him.

Yet Xiao Rong remained crouched in place without avoiding her, still looking up at her. His defensive gesture seemed only to protect Si Jin, as he himself showed no intention of moving away.

The surrounding servants showed little reaction, as if this scene had played out many times before.

Only a few who anticipated what might happen turned away, frowning and preparing to close their eyes.

Si Jin held her breath, about to pull Xiao Rong away.

Xiao’s Mother placed her hand on Xiao Rong’s head.

“Is that Xiao Bao?”

Xiao Rong froze, his pupils suddenly constricting.

Xiao’s Mother’s withered hand gently stroked his hair: “It seems Xiao Bao has come to see me.”

Surprise rippled through those present, and Si Jin paused in her movements.

Xiao Rong’s eyelashes fluttered, his upward gaze gradually lowering under this caress until he was looking down at the ground.

This didn’t last long.

Xiao’s Mother’s words seemed like sleep talk – as if waking from a dream, her attention was captured by a butterfly flying past.

She withdrew her hand and stood up, walking away with a vacant stare as she followed the butterfly.

“Husband…”

Xiao Rong stood up and firmly took Si Jin’s hand again: “You see, her condition is much better now.”

Si Jin’s eyes involuntarily stung with tears.

She couldn’t say whether this was truly better or not.

If one considered that Xiao’s Mother hadn’t lost emotional control or hit anyone, it might indeed be seen as improvement.

Yet she clearly hadn’t recognized Xiao Rong, and Xiao Bao wasn’t even his nickname.

Perhaps she was calling to a bird she’d seen, a dog by the roadside, or maybe a child from her imagination.

Suddenly, warmth touched the corner of her eye – Xiao Rong had leaned down to kiss her.

Si Jin was startled, touching her cheek only to realize she hadn’t actually shed tears.

He had simply kissed her, leaving moisture at the corner of her eye.

After leaving You Shui Residence, the atmosphere during their descent was quite heavy.

Most of the heaviness came from Si Jin herself.

She felt she had made a very poor decision.

Xiao Rong’s expression showed nothing, completely unaffected in mood.

Yet she couldn’t help caring deeply.

This emotion was inevitable, and she didn’t know how to release it.

“Shall we depart for Xiqiu at the beginning of next month?”

Xiao Rong’s sudden suggestion interrupted Si Jin’s thoughts.

Si Jin returned to the present: “Beginning of next month…”

Though he said next month, it was actually just three days away.

“So soon?”

“Aren’t you in a hurry?”

Si Jin was taken aback again: “…Not exactly. I just thought you still had many matters to attend to in the capital. If you couldn’t leave immediately, I wouldn’t mind waiting a few more days.”

“No, the Si family affairs are concluding. There’s nothing more for me to do regarding the follow-up. Before this trip, I had already requested leave from His Highness.”

“His Highness… permitted it?”

Xiao Rong fell silent for a moment, not answering immediately.

Yet his expression remained calm, and he spoke again without apparent pressure: “In any case, His Highness is aware.”

That meant permission wasn’t granted, but there was nothing His Highness could do about it.

Indeed, Si Jin had always wanted to go to Xiqiu, whether she had lost her memory or after regaining it.

Her parents were there, and her elder brother was there too.

No matter how eager she felt inwardly, she hadn’t actually made complete preparations.

She lacked that impulsive “pack up and go” mentality. Suddenly hearing that they were really about to depart left her somewhat dazed.

She even began frantically thinking about what she had prepared before, what still needed preparing, and what to do in the coming days.

“No need to worry. I’ve prepared everything necessary. If there’s anything else you need to bring, I’ll accompany you to take care of it these next two days.”

Si Jin’s heart raced, beating heavily twice: “I—I can’t think of what to prepare right away.”

“Then take your time to think.”

“With only three days left, how can I take my time!”

Si Jin was genuinely flustered, working herself into a panic.

Xiao Rong simply watched her quietly—observing her frown one moment, then relax her brows the next, only for the corners of her eyes to droop soon after. She was clearly thinking anxiously, yet making herself more and more frantic.

Xiao Rong’s gaze followed the changes in her expression, the corners of his lips gradually curving upward.

She didn’t seem to realize that she could outright refuse this timeline. When she would be ready and when they would depart should ultimately be her decision—he had only made a suggestion.

Suddenly, a wave of warmth rushed straight into Xiao Rong’s embrace.

Si Jin pried his arm open and lifted her head from his chest, her whole body leaning against him as she stared directly at him.

“Are you teasing me?”

She had caught on.

Xiao Rong had noticed her low spirits along the way.

He must have fully understood what was troubling her.

Perhaps in Xiao Rong’s view, going to Xiqiu was what Si Jin considered the happiest thing.

Xiao Rong didn’t deny it: “Did it work?”

Si Jin pouted: “But I was originally planning to comfort you.”

Yet Xiao Rong seemed completely in no need of consolation, which had left her feeling down and unsure how to broach the subject along the way.

An arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her already close, but Xiao Rong tightened his embrace, drawing her even nearer.

“You can comfort me now.”

“But you seem to be in quite a good mood now.” Si Jin pressed a finger against the corner of Xiao Rong’s lips. “You were laughing at me earlier—I saw it.”

“Not laughing at you.” It was fondness.

Xiao Rong lowered his gaze, and after just a glance at that fair, slender finger, he unconsciously parted his lips.

Si Jin withdrew her hand before he could succeed, unsure whether he meant to kiss or suck it.

Xiao Rong’s lips met empty air, and his Adam’s apple bobbed heavily: “Weren’t you going to comfort me? Why are you pulling away?”

Si Jin puckered her lips and mumbled, “How is this comforting…”

Even when she wasn’t comforting him, he often played with her fingers.

Si Jin lowered her eyes, thought for a moment, then placed the withdrawn hand back against Xiao Rong’s cheek.

Unable to figure it out through contemplation, she decided to ask directly: “Do you have any wishes, or something you want? I can promise you one thing. Would that count as appeasing you?”

In truth, Xiao Rong himself knew there was nothing that needed appeasing.

His displayed indifference wasn’t feigned. Accompanying Si Jin up the mountain today to see his mother, and not being recognized by her, held no reason for him to feel dejected.

What lingered instead was that moment of his mother’s gentle touch.

Whether it was meant for him, or for some imaginary person conjured like a kitten or puppy…

He couldn’t quite recall—was the last time he experienced it at three years old, or five?

“Anything at all?”

Si Jin almost nodded but quickly stopped herself, stating in advance: “Nothing too excessive.”

“What counts as excessive?”

“It’s… it’s…” Si Jin furrowed her delicate brows. “Just say it first, then I’ll consider whether to agree.”

“You’re setting conditions while trying to appease me?”

“No.” After a moment’s thought, Si Jin changed her words. “Anything at all. I’ll do my best to fulfill it.”

Hearing this, Xiao Rong nodded as if it required no contemplation at all, and said: “Then I want you to taste me next time.”

“Taste what…”

Si Jin’s words abruptly halted. Heat seemed about to rush to her cheeks, but she forcibly suppressed it.

“That’s not acceptable. Choose something else.”

“Why not?” Xiao Rong expressed dissatisfaction. “Didn’t you say anything?”

“It’s too… I can’t swallow it.” Her voice dropped to nearly inaudible levels.

She glossed over it vaguely and quickly added, “Just choose something else.”

This time, Xiao Rong thought for a moment before lifting his gaze. Instead of speaking, he pulled her close, as if intending to act on his request directly rather than stating it.

Si Jin gave him a light push but couldn’t free herself.

Fortunately, Xiao Rong only pressed his lips to her ear.

“Last time you said it wasn’t possible on horseback. What about in a carriage?”

Si Jin: “…”

She began to regret asking so directly.

“Don’t you have any requests unrelated to these matters?”

Of course he did, and many.

Xiao Rong never denied being a greedy man. His desires for Si Jin far exceeded what she could possibly imagine.

But those greedy thoughts didn’t need to be demanded from her as rewards here.

He would find ways to obtain them himself.

Xiao Rong’s throat moved slightly as he remained pressed close to her: “So, is the carriage acceptable?”

A buzzing filled Si Jin’s mind.

Muttering something unintelligible under her breath, she pushed Xiao Rong away and turned her head, refusing to look at him.

Xiao Rong froze for a moment before coming back to himself, then languidly wrapped himself around her from behind.

“Xiao Jin, I heard you.”

She had said: Wouldn’t it be better to go back and eat quietly?

Of course, they didn’t end up eating after returning to the residence.

It was still broad daylight, and Si Jin was gradually regaining her composure from the fluster about their impending departure for Xiqiu.

Though no longer panicked, there were indeed many preparations to be made.

“I want to write a letter to Older Brother and Parents. By the time they receive it, we should be nearly arriving in Xiqiu. This way they’ll know in advance, and won’t have to wait long before we meet again.”

“Shall I accompany you?”

Si Jin opened her mouth, initially intending to refuse, but seeing Xiao Rong’s obvious eagerness to join, she changed her mind and agreed to let him come along.

“Let’s go.”

In the study, Si Jin spread paper before her while Xiao Rong prepared ink at her side.

Si Jin lifted her brush and began writing.

The atmosphere in the room was warm and harmonious, making one feel completely at ease.

The continuous friction sound of the inkstone grinding reached her ears, and the faintly visible fingers in her peripheral vision made her keenly aware of another person’s presence beside her.

“When I was learning to write as a child, my older brother used to grind ink for me like this too. But back then I couldn’t write well yet. My brother said that using premium inksticks to produce inferior handwriting was such a waste. Still, he doted on me so much that he never hesitated to let me practice with even the most precious inksticks. Later, when Father found out, he scolded both of us. I was too young to understand then – I had no idea those inksticks were rewards Father had received. He treasured them greatly, yet my brother used them all just to show off how much he cared for me.”

It was such a distant memory that Si Jin couldn’t even remember how old she had been when it happened.

Even as she spoke of it now, the memory felt somewhat blurred.

Why couldn’t she recall where Father had obtained that inkstick as a reward…

After just a moment’s thought, Si Jin didn’t dwell on it further. Sharing her past with Xiao Rong gave her a deeply contented feeling.

When Si Jin turned her head to look at Xiao Rong, she saw him nod slightly: “That was the prize from a calligraphy and painting competition hosted by Prince Zhong. The winning works were later displayed in a gallery in Nanxiang. I’ve seen Father-in-law’s work – he truly deserved the award.”

So that was how it happened.

Was it because she had been too young to be taken along at that time?

Her memories remained fuzzy. Si Jin casually remarked: “My mother often says my father isn’t good at anything except fiddling with calligraphy and painting all day, without ever achieving much. That was the only time he ever won first prize, though I wonder if it was only because there happened to be no other skilled participants that time.”

As she spoke, Si Jin had already written two lines on the paper.

There were so many things she wanted to say to her parents, but before actually meeting them, the words she could put in a letter were limited.

Over the past year, many things had happened to her. All the things she wanted to say, and those she never got to say, had transformed into longing after such prolonged separation.

This period of amnesia had made her cherish regained memories even more. The depth of her emotions far exceeded the few words on paper, making her all the more eager to quickly travel to Xiqiu.

Wait.

Amnesia…

Si Jin’s back stiffened, and her gaze on the letter paper trembled accordingly.

Suppressing her nearly chaotic breathing, she slowly looked up and smiled at Xiao Rong: “All these… were things Xu Zhi told me before.”

Si Jin controlled her breathing but couldn’t calm her racing heartbeat.

However, she noticed Xiao Rong appeared completely normal, even continuing to grind ink without pause.

“Did she tell you about attending Prince Zhong’s calligraphy and painting competition together, and then mention this amusing incident?”

Si Jin’s heart pounded heavily.

Had she participated in that calligraphy and painting competition too? And with Xu Zhi? Why didn’t she have any impression of it at all…

But Si Jin had no time to ponder this. With Xiao Rong asking like this, she could only go along with it: “Yes…”

“Really? I wasn’t aware that Miss Shen (the third) had also participated in that calligraphy and painting competition back then.”

Si Jin’s palms grew sweaty.

When people lie, it’s difficult to suppress nervousness. Regardless of the reason for lying, one instinctively tries to cover it up.

And the way to cover a lie is often to tell another one: “Didn’t you say you weren’t familiar with her? Perhaps you didn’t notice whether she participated back then.”

Xiao Rong nodded, falling silent for a moment.

Though he appeared completely normal now, Si Jin inexplicably felt a sense of foreboding creeping into her heart.

Gradually, Si Jin began to realize something in the quiet atmosphere.

She parted her lips, about to speak.

Xiao Rong suddenly spoke: “Indeed, I truly am not familiar with her.”

He lifted his gaze, meeting Si Jin’s eyes directly, and said slowly while watching her: “That day, you were with me the entire time. From the beginning of the competition until it ended completely, we were together the whole time.”

“How did she tell you that you participated in the calligraphy and painting competition together?”

Si Jin’s heart sank.

The bad premonition and the realization she was about to have suddenly became crystal clear at this moment.

She remembered events from the past, yet she alone couldn’t remember Xiao Rong.

She remembered her father’s treasured inkstick, but she couldn’t recall how he obtained it.

Because, on that day, she had been with Xiao Rong.

She didn’t remember Xiao Rong.

Xiao Rong’s deep voice mingled with her chaotic heartbeat.

She heard him ask: “Xiao Jin, how much of the past have you remembered?”