Chapter 51
“You wouldn’t have the heart to abandon me…”

A faint curve touched Xiao Rong’s lips, though whether it was due to the strand of hair in his hand or something else remained unclear.

He waited until she had fully regained her composure.

Their eyes met for a moment.

Si Jin turned her head away, brushing off his hand that held her hair, and moved to leave: “I’m getting off the carriage.”

Xiao Rong’s brow furrowed, and he swiftly grabbed her again, his movements almost too quick to follow: “Where are you going?”

“…Aren’t you coming home with me?”

Si Jin thought to herself that she might truly be trapped.

Yet, as she watched him gaze at her with intense eyes—whether feigned or genuine—she couldn’t help but feel he seemed somewhat pitiable.

“The commotion just now must have been heard inside Shen Manor. I haven’t informed Xu Zhi yet. How can I just leave without a word?”

Si Jin stared at Xiao Rong, waiting for him to say something clingy again so she could firmly rebuke him. After all, he had just said she could do anything she wanted.

Unexpectedly, Xiao Rong simply released her hand and said straightforwardly, “Alright, then I’ll wait for you outside.”

Si Jin was taken aback, her rising momentum stifled in her throat.

In that brief moment of her daze,

Xiao Rong leaned in, and she had no time to react.

His lips enveloped hers, producing a soft, ambiguous sound of a kiss.

Xiao Rong restrained himself, pulling away after a brief touch, and gently squeezed her fingers: “Go on.”

A tingling warmth spread across Si Jin’s lips, causing her cheeks to flush involuntarily.

She lowered her eyes and blinked softly, murmuring a quiet “Mm,” before hurriedly stepping out of the carriage.

How could a single kiss make her feel so shy?

Shen Xuzhi pretended to lament for a while about not being able to abscond with Xiao Rong’s wealth.

However, when Si Jin solemnly explained that their conflicts had been resolved, Shen Xuzhi immediately asked, “Then, do we have to return the things he sent?”

Si Jin couldn’t help but laugh and cry at the same time: “You’ve been bought over!”

When Si Jin stepped out of Shen Manor again, she saw that Xiao Rong’s carriage, which had been sneakily parked in a small alley earlier, was now openly stationed right in front of the manor’s entrance.

Xiao Rong stood beside the carriage and strode forward to meet her as soon as she emerged.

“Why didn’t you wait inside the carriage?”

“Can we leave now?”

They spoke simultaneously.

Si Jin was momentarily stunned.

Xiao Rong, however, remained expressionless, his gaze fixed intently on her.

Si Jin: “…Yes, yes, let’s go.”

As she was about to board the carriage, she suddenly remembered something and paused, turning back to ask, “You’re not going to take back those things you sent to Shen Manor, are you?”

Xiao Rong’s eyes darkened slightly—whether out of displeasure at her question or impatience with her delay.

He reached out, cupped her buttocks with his large hand, and lifted her effortlessly into the carriage.

“Ah!”

The unexpected touch and sudden elevation made Si Jin gasp in surprise.

Xiao Rong followed her in, holding her steady to prevent any stumble, and they quickly entered the carriage together.

Once seated, Si Jin let out a sigh, wanting to scold him for being handsy in public.

But she suspected he might retort, “Then it’s fine at home, right?”

And they were heading home now.

So, Si Jin pressed her lips together and remained silent.

Xiao Rong lifted the carriage curtain and signaled the coachman to depart.

The carriage had not traveled far when Si Jin noticed something amiss.

She leaned out to look, then turned to Xiao Rong: “This doesn’t seem like the way back to the residence?”

Xiao Rong nodded without concealment: “Indeed, it’s not.”

“Aren’t we going home? Where are we heading now?”

Xiao Rong reached out and gathered both of Si Jin’s hands—still resting on the carriage curtain—into his own palms.

“Speak! Where exactly are we going?”

Only after playing with her hands, turning them over and over, did Xiao Rong reply: “To Xiqiu.”

“What?!”

Even with her hands captured, Si Jin twisted sideways to peer outside again.

It was then she realized the carriage was truly heading toward the city gates.

“H-How come we’re going to Xiqiu? Right now? We’re leaving immediately?”

Si Jin was so startled she could hardly process it.

Though their original plan had indeed been to depart today, after all that had transpired, the schedule had been disrupted.

It was already late, darkness would soon fall—by no means did this seem like an appropriate time to set out.

“Didn’t you just say we were going home?”

“I changed my mind.”

Xiao Rong freed one hand to pull Si Jin entirely into his embrace. “I take it back. Staying in the capital holds no advantage. We should depart at once.”

Si Jin raised an eyebrow, seemingly already guessing his thoughts, yet she asked: “Why?”

“You’re too familiar with the capital—your memories have even returned. If you became angry and decided to leave, you could go anytime. Whether Shen Xuzhi remains in the capital or not, she’d keep the residence available for you. Remaining here gives you too many chances to leave me.”

It aligned almost exactly with what Si Jin had guessed.

She lifted her lips in a smile: “That’s twisted logic. How would that count as leaving? Don’t you know where I’d go?”

“But you wouldn’t come home.”

Si Jin relaxed her body, allowing Xiao Rong’s arm to encircle her.

The carriage jostled, causing her side to occasionally press against Xiao Rong’s chest.

Xiao Rong simply tightened his hold, letting her lean steadily against him.

“Then wouldn’t it be the same if we go to Xiqiu? My parents and Older brother are in Xiqiu too.”

“But I’d be unfamiliar with Xiqiu, with no connections or support. If you left me there, I’d be all alone. You wouldn’t have the heart to abandon me.”

Si Jin’s eyes widened in astonishment.

He actually had the nerve to say that.

“What if I do have the heart?”

No sooner had the words left her mouth than Xiao Rong’s cool fingers gripped her chin, and he lowered his head to seal her lips.

The kiss was heavy, as if venting dissatisfaction.

Not only dissatisfied that during their earlier long conversation he had only managed a brief, unsatisfying kiss, but also displeased that she would claim to have the heart to leave him.

Si Jin was overwhelmed. Her lips were forcibly parted, and the tongue invading her mouth instantly stole her breath.

Xiao Rong greedily, unrestrainedly, swallowed every drop of her saliva. After just a brief moment of suction, her tongue began to tingle.

How was this any different from acting out of shame-turned-anger?

Si Jin struggled, twisting her head away to evade his kiss, and amended her words to placate him: “I wouldn’t have the heart… I wouldn’t…”

It was too late to take it back. Xiao Rong thoroughly kissed her inside and out before finally releasing her. She gasped unevenly, needing a long moment to recover.

Xiao Rong’s reaction was even more intense than hers—or perhaps he hadn’t intended to suppress it.

A flush spread from the corners of his eyes down to his cheeks. Against his cool, pale complexion, it created an enthralling, captivating beauty. His eyes were damp, and his thoroughly kissed lips were moist and red.

At this point, Si Jin felt everything he did was deliberate.

She hadn’t forgotten how he’d previously been preoccupied either on horseback or in the carriage.

Si Jin turned her head away from him: “Stop joking. Have the carriage turn back quickly. We haven’t prepared anything yet, how can we embark on such a long journey so hastily?”

“I’m not joking.”

Xiao Rong wasn’t the type to play such pranks on her anyway, “Didn’t we already prepare earlier?”

“But all our luggage is still at the manor. We were just planning to return home. Even if we’re departing, it should be tomorrow at least?”

“While you were at Shen Manor, I already sent people back to pack our belongings. They’ll follow us out of the city shortly.”

Si Jin: “…”

No wonder earlier when she thought she was leaving, Xiao Rong had delayed her for a while before unexpectedly letting go without hesitation. So this had been his scheme all along.

The carriage continued heading toward the city gates.

Si Jin spoke again: “But I originally planned to write letters to my parents and older brother first. The letters are still at the manor – I haven’t remembered to send them these past few days. We still need to return to get them…”

“I mailed them for you.”

Xiao Rong interrupted her.

“Ah? When?”

Xiao Rong pressed his lips together and fell silent.

“When exactly?”

“They’re sent regardless. Trust me.”

Si Jin, who hadn’t moved far away earlier, threw herself back into Xiao Rong’s embrace: “It’s not that I don’t believe you, I just want to know when you mailed them for me?”

The carriage fell silent for another moment.

Xiao Rong held her soft form in his arms, his palm rubbing back and forth at her waist before he finally spoke: “That same day.”

“Ah?”

Si Jin narrowed her eyes slightly, quickly understanding: “You came back to look for me then?”

Xiao Rong suddenly reached out and pinched her cheeks.

The soft flesh of her face formed two dimples under his not-too-heavy grip.

Her lips were forced to pout, cutting off her words as she was made to look up and meet his gaze.

“The servants said you stayed in the study for some time, then came out ignoring me completely and walked away immediately. By the time I rushed over, you were already gone from the study.”

Was “ignoring completely” really the right term for him to use?

Si Jin asked indistinctly: “And then?”

“Then… knowing you had returned to Qiu Shui Courtyard, I went back to Songlan Courtyard.”

Si Jin was momentarily speechless.

He himself had turned away in a huff, then secretly sent people to watch over her. When she paid him no mind, he came chasing after her, only to leave in another sulk upon finding she hadn’t run away.

Si Jin truly didn’t know what to say.

This was really childish.

She hadn’t realized before, but now that her emotions had settled, looking back at their recent argument, the whole process had been so immature.

Of course, the childish one was Xiao Rong, not her.

Even though Si Jin knew Xiao Rong wasn’t joking, when the carriage actually passed through the city gates, she still couldn’t contain her emotions.

Were they really… departing just like this?

She leaned against the window, her gaze fixed on the receding scenery outside the city walls.

They were going to Xiqiu. Together with Xiao Rong.

This was something she had never imagined before, something that should have been impossible.

Since it was already quite late when they started, they hadn’t traveled far beyond the city walls before dusk began to settle.

Although Xiao Rong’s decision had been sudden, his preparations were indeed thorough.

They hadn’t gone far before arriving at a post station outside the capital, where they would rest for the night.

Setting off early the next morning, a full day’s travel would be just enough to reach the next city from here.

After entering the inn room, Si Jin took a moment to look around her surroundings.

Turning back to Xiao Rong who was closing the door, Si Jin asked, “Did you truly decide this last minute at Shen Manor’s entrance? How could everything be arranged so perfectly?”

Xiao Rong didn’t answer. After securing the door, he countered, “Shall you bathe now?”

Si Jin hadn’t yet transitioned from the comfort of home life to the rigors of travel.

She shook her head lazily.

Xiao Rong said straightforwardly, “Then I’ll go first. You rest awhile.”

Si Jin watched Xiao Rong’s retreating back in silence for a moment after he finished preparing.

He must have felt her gaze upon him, yet he never paused or turned to meet her eyes.

As if completely focused, wanting nothing more than to bathe at that moment.

Si Jin eventually withdrew her gaze, retrieved her notebook from the bundle Lan Xin had brought, and leaned back in her chair to read without further thought.

She had barely finished a few pages when Xiao Rong returned from his bath.

Xiao Rong always bathed quickly, unless he was doing something else in the bathroom.

Si Jin didn’t look up, engrossed in a captivating section.

Unexpectedly, Xiao Rong asked upon entering, “Will you bathe now?”

At his words, Si Jin’s brow twitched slightly, forcing her to look up.

“Why do you keep urging me to bathe?”

Xiao Rong’s lips moved imperceptibly as he calmly set aside his changed clothes. “Just asking.”

After a brief pause, Si Jin set down her book and rose.

Though Xiao Rong hadn’t played pitiful, she found herself feeling heartache for him first.

He said he’d waited for her at Shen Manor’s gate for two days, likely without leaving even at night.

His eyes had been so red earlier, unable to conceal his exhaustion.

Now that they could finally relax, with more travel ahead tomorrow…

Si Jin said, “Then I’ll go now. If you’re tired, extinguish the lamp and rest first.”

Even as she spoke these words, Si Jin wasn’t surprised to find a candle still burning on the table when she returned.

Xiao Rong had lain down on the bed but wasn’t asleep yet.

Hearing her approach, he lifted his gaze to meet hers.

Si Jin motioned for him to stay put, stepped forward to extinguish the lamp herself, then sat on the bedside to remove her shoes.

As she began to bend over, an arm encircled her waist from behind.

Si Jin paid it no mind, neither pushing him away nor acknowledging it, continuing to remove her shoes.

When she turned to get on the bed, the arm remained at her waist, guiding her turn until she lay down nestled directly into Xiao Rong’s embrace.

During their long time together, they had shared many intimacies.

Fierce ones, urgent ones, tender ones, gentle ones.

What Si Jin loved most remained Xiao Rong’s embrace.

She still remembered waking after losing her memory – it was his embrace that had brought her familiarity and comfort.

Since then, whenever they slept together, he would hold her tightly.

It might seem suffocating to others, yet she slept soundly within it. Even when nightmares came, opening her eyes to see him would instantly calm her.

Xiao Rong was watching her now.

Si Jin let him look for a while, but when he remained silent, she shifted her legs against his and whispered, “Sleep.”

Xiao Rong made an affirming sound and actually closed his eyes.

Si Jin felt surprised.

She was somewhat embarrassed to admit she’d thought he had other intentions.

The way he’d hurried her to bathe, the way he’d stared at her so intently.

Yet in the end, he’d said nothing, done nothing, truly obediently going to sleep.

Si Jin wasn’t tired, her mind feeling particularly clear now.

In the darkness, she quietly watched Xiao Rong’s sleeping face, her gaze tracing his features as his often did hers.

From the brows and eyes, down to the bridge of the nose, then to the lips.

So this is what it feels like to stare at someone like this.

Si Jin suddenly heard a distinct heartbeat.

Not Xiao Rong’s—it was her own.

Just looking at him, and it wasn’t the first time she had seen him, so why was her heart racing?

The room was quiet, and the sound of her heartbeat was obvious, showing no signs of subsiding. It grew louder and heavier, almost loud enough to wake the sleeping person.

But Si Jin did not try to suppress the sound of her heartbeat, nor could she control her heart’s reaction.

She seemed to understand a little of what Xiao Rong had meant by “greed.”

The tracing of her gaze was no longer enough. Her fingertips twitched slightly beneath the quilt, then began to lift.

Raising, moving forward, drawing closer to him.

Her fingertip touched his eyebrow, then brushed past his eyelashes.

That row of thick, long lashes trembled slightly, as if he were about to wake, yet she still did not hold back.

Continuing downward, she tapped the tip of his nose, trailed down to his philtrum, and finally pressed against the beautifully curved peak of his lips.

The next moment, a soft sound.

Her wrist was tightly grasped by a large, warm hand.

Like catching a little bird in the act of mischief.

Xiao Rong opened his eyes, a barely noticeable darkness swirling in their depths, his voice hoarse as he asked, “What are you touching?”

Si Jin blinked, her peripheral vision catching sight of her wrist held firmly in his grasp. There was no guilt on her face at being caught; instead, she thought seriously for a moment.

Meeting Xiao Rong’s gaze, she bent her wrist and boldly touched him again.

“Have I never told you that I like you?”