Chapter 39: Longing for Return

Afraid of me?

It had been snowing for several consecutive nights, but by morning the wind and snow would cease.

Today at noon, the sun shone brightly, and Li Youqing’s cold had finally almost completely recovered.

Aunt Chen boiled two large buckets of hot water and called Li Youqing to the bathhouse: “Miss Qingqing, the water is ready. Please go in first, and I’ll bring your clothes in later.”

When General Xuan had visited last time, she overheard him and thought Qingqing was such a lovely name—pleasant to hear and naturally intimate when spoken.

Although Li Youqing felt somewhat awkward about it, she didn’t forbid Xuan Rui from addressing her that way.

Finally able to bathe, she undressed and sat in the tub, meticulously scrubbing her body.

Even though the towel was brand new, it still wasn’t as fine as the materials used in the palace. Her skin quickly turned red, and steamed by the hot water, it appeared even more delicate and alluring.

After bathing, she was already panting with exhaustion.

She put on her inner garments and directly draped Xuan Rui’s windproof cloak over them, preparing to return to her room.

Though she had previously despised the scent on him, over these past few nights, she had gradually grown accustomed to it. He might be a bit rough around the edges, but having someone like him by her side in times of crisis made her feel more secure and reassured.

Just as she stepped out of the bathhouse, she heard Aunt Chen’s raised voice in the courtyard: “I don’t have any extra rooms for you to stay in. If you don’t leave quickly, I’ll call the officials to arrest you!”

At the entrance of the courtyard, a young woman with a child was kneeling on the ground, pleading desperately: “Even if you won’t take us in, could you at least give us some travel funds?”

Seeing Li Youqing not far away, Aunt Chen frowned and walked over to explain: “This morning, the city took in a group of refugees—all former residents who left and have now returned. They passed through our village asking for travel money. We’ve already sent several away along the road.”

“Did General Xuan not make any arrangements for such people?” Li Youqing looked closely and noticed that the woman had delicate features and, upon closer inspection, was quite attractive.

The child in her arms, however, had a round face and rough skin, with small eyes that darted around shiftily.

Judging by their appearances alone, the two hardly looked like mother and child.

When the woman saw Li Youqing, she was momentarily stunned, then knelt down and kowtowed respectfully.

Feeling a stir in her heart, Li Youqing said to Aunt Chen, “Let them come to my room to rest for a while. Also, please prepare some dry provisions for them to take on their journey.”

After a moment’s thought, she added, “I’ll speak to General Xuan about this tonight.”

Aunt Chen still seemed uneasy and wanted to dissuade her further, but Li Youqing had already turned and entered the room.

Remembering how protective General Xuan was of the young lady, Aunt Chen could only warn the young woman harshly: “Be careful. Do not offend the young lady.”

“Yes,” the woman replied meekly, leading the child to the door. She instructed him to wait outside and gently pushed the door open.

Li Youqing had taken off the cloak and was sitting on the bed putting on her cover shirt. When she saw the woman enter, she showed little reaction.

The woman, however, knelt down excitedly, crawling forward on her knees and prostrating herself at Li Youqing’s feet. “Third Princess, this servant has finally found you.”

Li Youqing remained calm and composed, observing the woman’s tattered clothes and deliberately dirt-smeared face. “Who are you? What nonsense are you spouting?”

“I am your servant Cong Ying, a maid serving His Highness the Crown Prince. These past few years I have been assigned to work at the Zhenbei Royal Mansion.” Having said this, Cong Ying lowered her head, respectfully awaiting the princess’s next question.

Such understanding of propriety truly resembled a servant trained in the East Palace.

Since she served at the Zhenbei Royal Mansion, she must be an informant planted by the Crown Prince near Zhenbei Wang.

Li Youqing draped an outer garment of lotus-root colored fabric embroidered with intertwining branches over her shoulders. After fastening two buttons, she impatiently stopped, displeased: “Didn’t the Third Princess already fall from the city tower and die? The Crown Prince personally announced the funeral arrangements. What are your intentions in bringing this up now?”

Though young, when her brows and eyes gathered severity, she possessed an innate dignity that unconsciously inspired awe.

Not daring to waste time, Cong Ying carefully retrieved a letter from her inner garment and handed it to Li Youqing: “This letter can verify this servant’s identity. Please read it, Your Highness.”

Li Youqing hesitated momentarily, actually unwilling to take the letter.

At this point, even seeing his handwriting would nauseate her.

It was an ordinary white envelope, sealed with wax, bearing no writing on its surface.

Li Youqing couldn’t help wondering how this letter had traveled all the way to the northwest, entered the Zhenbei Royal Mansion, and finally been delivered to her through this woman’s elaborate schemes.

Why didn’t he simply inform Zhenbei Wang of her whereabouts and complete their transaction?

Was she, merely one insignificant person, worth such elaborate efforts?

Li Youqing took a deep breath and, under Cong Ying’s expectant gaze, accepted the envelope.

Upon opening it and seeing the familiar handwriting, her heart suddenly pounded violently.

This letter was actually written by Jin Cheng himself.

“Since younger sister left home, your brother has been unable to eat or sleep peacefully. Fortunately, Father has recovered from illness and thinks of you daily. Seeing these words is like seeing you in person. I eagerly await your swift return.” These brief lines revealed no trace of their true meaning.

Anyone reading it would assume it was merely an ordinary family letter, no wonder it had remained undetected until now.

Though written in a brother’s tone, Li Youqing was absolutely certain this was Jin Cheng’s handwriting.

When they were children, studying together with the Crown Prince, Grand Tutor Jin often had them copy poems and texts.

Jin Cheng excelled at calligraphy and frequently used his left hand to complete her copying assignments. To avoid detection by his father, he had specifically learned to imitate her writing style.

In their youth, they shared many secrets unknown to others, and this particular handwriting was impossible for anyone to forge.

Li Youqing closed her eyes, pressed the letter against her chest, and silently recited “Amitabha” three times, thanking heaven for protecting Father Emperor’s health.

“Your Highness, Jin Shilang has personally brought men for the rendezvous—they’re ambushed at Ten-Mile Slope outside the city—” As Cong Ying spoke, hearing footsteps outside, she immediately stopped talking, resuming her previous sorrowful expression as she slumped to the ground weeping.

Aunt Chen entered with dried provisions wrapped in white cloth. Seeing this scene, she said irritably: “They’ve set up shelters for refugees outside. If you go now you can still claim a good spot. What’s the meaning of weeping before the young lady like this?”

Cong Ying obediently rose, gave Li Youqing a meaningful look, then accepted the provisions and left with the child.

Only after they had gone some distance did Aunt Chen smile and say: “Rest now, young lady. I’m watching the pork rib soup simmering in the kitchen.”

“Mm.” Li Youqing responded casually while drying her hair with a cloth, as if completely unaffected by what had just transpired.

Earlier, in her panic, she had stuffed the letter under her pillow. After Aunt Chen left, she couldn’t resist taking it out to read again.

Did the Crown Prince mean for her to return to the capital as soon as possible?

But wasn’t he afraid that once she returned, she would expose his true nature before Father Emperor and threaten his position in the East Palace?

Thinking that Jin Cheng had personally come to the northwest to fetch her, Li Youqing grew increasingly anxious, eager to hurry to Ten-Mile Slope to meet him.

She didn’t trust the Crown Prince, but she still held onto the trust she had for Jin Cheng from their youth.

Moreover, even if Jin Cheng’s temperament had changed, the upright and principled Grand Tutor Jin would never deceive her.

She just didn’t know how Father Emperor’s health truly was—whether he had genuinely improved or was still fluctuating between good and bad, as he had been some time ago.

The more Li Youqing thought about it, the more uneasy she felt. After much deliberation, she concluded that the only person she could ask about this was Xuan Rui.

This time, when he sent someone to the capital to gather information, they must have brought back more than just a portrait of the thirteenth daughter of the Prime Minister’s household. They would surely know something about the situation in the palace as well.

She burned the letter to ashes, put on a rose-colored long coat with a fitted waist, and took advantage of Aunt Chen’s preoccupation with simmering soup in the kitchen to slip out alone.

Having been cooped up in the house for several days, she only knew that Xuan Rui had been extremely busy but had no idea what exactly he was occupied with.

After walking along the street for a while, she indeed saw wooden shelters being erected along the roadside to provide resting places for the passing refugees.

Although the snow on the road had been cleared, it was still slippery. She walked slowly and only after a long while did she reach the vicinity of the Ancestral Temple. She stopped a young soldier and asked, “Do you know where General Xuan is?”

The soldier, upon seeing her, grew so nervous that he could barely speak, stammering and pointing vaguely in a direction.

Li Youqing thanked him and resolutely headed in the direction he had indicated.

The village paths crisscrossed in all directions. She had walked them once before and was somewhat familiar with the terrain, but this time, following the path the soldier had pointed out, she grew increasingly confused.

The snow on this path had not been cleared at all. Li Youqing trudged through it, her steps uneven, and soon her shoes and socks were soaked.

Perhaps because her mind was preoccupied, she didn’t feel particularly cold. All the way, she kept thinking about the state of Father Emperor’s illness.

If what the letter said was true, then after Father Emperor woke up, he would surely investigate the cause of her “death” thoroughly.

If he discovered that Li Jing had been scheming behind the scenes, he would undoubtedly send someone to rescue her.

Thinking this way, it all seemed quite logical.

The Crown Prince, under Father Emperor’s pressure, had no choice but to bring her back to the palace.

At the thought of that kind and loving face, Li Youqing’s eyes grew slightly moist. She lowered her head and walked forward with even greater determination.

Unconsciously, the sky began to darken, but there was still no sign of anyone ahead.

She had been in such a hurry when she left that she had forgotten to wear her leather boots, only putting on a pair of cotton shoes, which were already completely soaked.

As walking became increasingly difficult, Li Youqing couldn’t help but feel a bit panicked.

The surrounding scenery was blanketed in heavy snow, making it impossible to distinguish directions.

She had no choice but to walk a few steps and then call out Xuan Rui’s name loudly, hoping he would hear her.

Just as she was beginning to despair, the sound of hoofbeats suddenly came from not far away.

She looked up abruptly and saw a man in black military attire riding a majestic horse appear in her line of sight. A relieved smile spread across her face.

Seeing the other party notice her, Xuan Rui swung down from his horse with a darkened expression. Li Youqing didn’t hesitate, lifting her skirts as she rushed straight toward him, calling out joyfully, “General Xuan! So you really are here!”

Before Xuan Rui could react to her disheveled and flustered appearance, he found himself enveloped in her soft, fragrant embrace.

Li Youqing caught his familiar scent of licorice and complained with a hint of grievance, “I asked a soldier for directions—he said you were here, but I walked for so long without finding you.”

Before she could finish speaking, a pair of large hands lifted her securely onto the horse. Then, the man’s solid chest pressed firmly against her from behind.

In that moment, all her complaints vanished, replaced by warmth and reassurance.

Several horses followed from behind. Xiao Ziqi asked with a pained expression, “General, are we still training today?”

After being put through their paces by General Xuan all day, they all hoped this suddenly appearing young lady would be their salvation.

“Training’s over for today. We start early tomorrow,” Xuan Rui said without turning his head, his heart tightening as he noticed the woman’s soaked feet before him.

Sensing his displeasure, Li Youqing asked uneasily, “Did I disturb you?”

Xuan Rui’s voice was cold and stern. “Did you need something from me?”

The snow was so deep, and she was still weak—how had she managed to walk all this way step by step? And that soldier who gave her directions—utterly thoughtless, letting her venture alone into these wild woods.

Frustration simmered within him. Glancing down, he saw her smile freeze and her arms slip from his waist. He couldn’t help but grumble, “What, scared now?”

Li Youqing had been brimming with joy, but his cold, severe attitude felt like a bucket of icy water dumped over her.

How could he be like this? He was fine before, and now he’s turning hostile again.

“Hold on tight,” his steady voice came from above as the horse suddenly broke into a gallop.

Reluctantly, she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist to keep her balance, though her face buried against his chest was full of resentment.

The journey there had taken so long, but the return trip was over in an instant.

As the sun set, Aunt Chen stood anxiously at the doorway, peering outside. Seeing Xuan Rui return on horseback with Li Youqing, she finally relaxed and came out to greet them. “Where have you been, miss? Your shoes are soaked, and with all the refugees outside today, what if something had happened?”

Xuan Rui replied coldly, “She didn’t think of any of that.”

Li Youqing stubbornly refused his help, dismounting on her own and entering the house without even looking up.

Seeing her still sulking, Xuan Rui shook his head and asked Aunt Chen to prepare a bowl of ginger soup while he went to fetch hot water from the bathhouse.

Li Youqing went straight to bed without a word, too exhausted to move a finger.

She had nearly worn out her legs searching for him, only for him to scowl at her from the moment they met—utterly unreasonable.

After a while, the door opened. Hearing familiar footsteps, she pulled the quilt over her head, refusing to look at him.

Her wet shoes and socks were removed, her frozen calves held by a pair of warm hands, and her whole body gently pulled downward by a steady force.

Biting her lip in silence, she felt her feet gradually immersed in warm water, gently rubbed with a towel until they warmed. After a moment, she let out a long, comfortable sigh.

Knowing she was ticklish, Xuan Rui didn’t touch her feet much, merely applying moderate pressure as he slowly massaged her calves.

Li Youqing could no longer hide under the covers and sat up sulkily from the bed. Lowering her gaze, she saw him squatting on the floor washing her feet, her cheeks growing slightly warm.

But he was the one who got angry first—don’t expect her to be the first to yield.

“Stop fidgeting. Soak for a while.” After massaging for some time and seeing her complexion regain its rosy hue, Xuan Rui finally stood up, collected her soaked shoes and socks, and turned to leave.

Thinking he was leaving, Li Youqing remembered she had important matters to inquire about and anxiously called out: “Where are you going again?!”

Xuan Rui glanced back at her: “The laundry room.”

“Will you come back?” Li Youqing’s face flushed as she averted her eyes from the items in his hands.

Xuan Rui didn’t respond, his lips pressing into a tight line before he turned and left.

He often used to hear soldiers in the military camp complain about certain women being overly clingy—not only demanding but constantly asking questions, leaving them no moment of peace.

At the time he found it ridiculous, but now that he was experiencing it himself, he discovered this feeling of being constantly needed wasn’t actually bad.

However, this time he absolutely had to teach her a lesson. Otherwise, if she wandered off again and something happened…

Even though she was right beside him now, the suffocating tension still lingered in his chest.

This little thing truly couldn’t be left unsupervised, not even for half a moment.

What worried Xuan Rui was: when he had to march off to war again, leaving for months at a time, what would become of her then?

Soon after, Aunt Chen brought ginger tea.

Seeing Xuan Rui squatting to dry Li Youqing’s feet, she showed slight surprise before her eyes betrayed hidden laughter: “If the General’s Mansion holds wedding celebrations next year, you must invite this old woman for drinks.”

Xuan Rui paused in his movements but didn’t deny it.

Preoccupied with her own thoughts, Li Youqing paid no attention to what was said, though seeing his expression had softened somewhat put her at ease.

Noting how intimately the young couple interacted, Aunt Chen tactfully withdrew, gently closing the door behind her.

Having just soaked her feet, Li Youqing felt warmth spreading through her body. She was mentally preparing her speech when suddenly a force knocked her onto the bed.

Her lips were abruptly sealed by a fierce pressure as familiar breath descended upon her. She struggled with muffled protests for a while until both her wrists were pinned above her head, and the hot panting against her neck made her skin tingle.

When her lips finally found respite, Li Youqing struggled weakly: “Let me go!”

Xuan Rui pressed her beneath him, wildness gleaming in his eyes as he stared down intensely: “After searching for you half the day, my legs nearly frozen stiff—wasn’t it because you missed me?”

Li Youqing’s face burned crimson. She wanted to curse at him but feared Aunt Chen might hear, so she could only deny in shameful anger: “Who missed you? I certainly didn’t!”

Xuan Rui’s free hand gently caressed her face: “No need to be embarrassed. This General doesn’t mind you clinging to me, but you’re rather foolish—not even realizing you should return when your shoes and socks are soaked through. What if your cold worsens?”

Feeling the feeble struggles beneath him, Xuan Rui’s handsome brows furrowed deeply: “Stop squirming. If this continues, I’ll surely die by your hands sooner or later.”

Li Youqing stared at him blankly, momentarily unable to comprehend his meaning.

Then his kiss descended again, more scorching than before.

His lips trailed from her chin down to her neck, alternating between gentle and fervent kisses… Li Youqing trembled all over, feeling his large hands holding her waist, his fingers lightly caressing. Her body seemed drained of all strength, leaving her limp on the bed, her cheeks flushed as if burning.

Xuan Rui lingered at her neck for a long time, inhaling her sweet fragrance like a starved wolf catching the scent of long-awaited fresh blood.

He desperately wanted to take a bite to satisfy his craving.

Struggling to restrain himself from unbuttoning her collar, his hands nonetheless slid upward.

Li Youqing felt a tingling numbness throughout her body and suddenly grew fearful. She whimpered softly, “General Xuan, you’re hurting me.”

Xuan Rui snapped back to reality as if waking from a dream. Seeing her red-rimmed eyes and tearful expression, he held her as they lay sideways on the bed, gently patting her back while whispering comforting words.

Li Youqing remained unsettled, burying her face in his chest, her heartbeat taking a long time to calm.

After a while, she heard him say, “Never mind other matters. Today I only want to ask you one thing.”

Li Youqing looked up and met his intensely possessive gaze, wondering what he intended to press her about this time.

Xuan Rui lowered his head to nibble at her lips for a moment before suppressing his inner turmoil. Staring at her, he asked word by word, “Have you completely severed ties with that young master called Jin Cheng in your heart?”

The intercepted letter, filled with words of admiration, hadn’t bothered him initially. But recently, whenever he recalled it, a dull ache pierced his heart like a knife.

If he ever encountered that man, he feared he might lose control and kill him with his own hands.

Li Youqing suddenly grew alert, pushing him away slightly as she widened her eyes. “Have you guessed something?”

Noticing her darkened expression, Xuan Rui slowly sat up on the bed, looking down at her with lowered eyes. “Since you’ve revealed your name, how could I not investigate your past?”

A chill shot up from Li Youqing’s feet, making her shiver as if targeted by a wild beast.

If he already knew who she was, what were his true intentions in saying these things and acting this way?

Seeing her wariness, Xuan Rui softened his tone. “Let me guess why you fled from the imperial palace to the northwestern deserts.”

Outside the window, twilight deepened, casting shadows across his sharp nose and adding an inscrutable quality to his formidable presence.

Li Youqing listened quietly as he continued, “Zhenbei Wang had already reached an agreement with the Crown Prince to jointly deal with the Sima Family. That’s why he sent me to attack the Li Zhen Tribe, cutting off Shu Fei’s support. After that, the condition the Prince made to the Crown Prince was likely you… Daliang’s most precious little princess.”

Those close to him had long noticed the Prince’s special regard for the young princess.

Though rumors might not be entirely accurate, the Prince had developed fatherly affection for the little princess, eagerly hoping to bring her to the northwest for a family reunion.

Li Youqing’s fingers unconsciously curled, picking lightly at the bedsheet as her eyes grew increasingly anxious.

Like a captured young animal whose clumsy disguise has been exposed, she trembled before the hunter’s cage.

Xuan Rui sighed involuntarily and reached out to touch her face, but she turned away to avoid his hand.

He chuckled softly. “Afraid of me now?”

Li Youqing remained silent, shrinking back further as she tried to distance herself from him as much as possible.