Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Ayin, I Love You After years of pent-up feelings, Xiao Heng was desperate to pour them out. His heart burned with urgency, and every moment of waiting felt like an entire year. He did not know how long he had stood waiting before he finally saw the palace maids who had been attending to the bath emerge from the inner chamber. They lifted the hanging curtain and carried out the remaining bathwater and other items. Just then, the Imperial Medical Academy also sent over the freshly prepared cold-expelling decoction. Xiao Heng personally picked up the bowl of medicine, lifted the curtain, and entered the inner chamber. He saw Xue Shaoyin sitting beside the small couch behind the screen, while two palace maids beside her were combing her hair and arranging it into a coiffure. “Don’t tie it up yet. Her hair is still wet. If you pile it up on her head like that, she may develop a headache. It won’t be too late to arrange her hair after the charcoal fire has dried it a little.” At his words, the two palace maids hurriedly set down their combs. They also quickly loosened the few strands they had already gathered, letting them fall beside County Princess Yongning’s shoulders. However, the moment Shaoyin saw Xiao Heng enter, her heart tightened, and she hurriedly rose to her feet. The palace maids had not expected County Princess Yongning to suddenly stand. Their hands, still combing through her long hair, did not have time to release it. Thus, as soon as Shaoyin stood, her hair was tugged painfully. She let out an involuntary cry of pain, and her body fell back onto the couch. “How can you be so clumsy?” Xiao Heng barked angrily and hurried forward to support half of Xue Shaoyin’s body. Seeing His Majesty fly into a rage, the two palace maids dropped to their knees and kowtowed frantically, pleading for His Majesty’s mercy and for County Princess Yongning’s forgiveness. Seeing Xiao Heng’s face full of anger and the two palace maids’ faces go deathly pale, Shaoyin hurriedly said, “It’s not their fault. It was mine. I suddenly stood up, so they… Your Majesty… please, Your Majesty, forgive them…” When Xiao Heng saw Xue Shaoyin plead for the palace maids, he waved his hand and ordered the two of them to leave. The palace maids hurriedly bowed and backed out. Xiao Heng then looked with concern at the crown of Xue Shaoyin’s head and asked where her hair had been tugged and whether it still hurt. His hand gently stroked the top of Shaoyin’s head. His movements were so light and tender, as though he were caressing a flower petal—careful, cautious, and exceedingly gentle. Yet to Shaoyin, that gentleness was utterly bizarre. The gentler Xiao Heng was toward her, the more frightened and uneasy she became. The hand resting on her head seemed like a blade suspended above her, and she had no idea when it might suddenly fall. “…I…I’m fine…” Unable to bear it any longer, Shaoyin shifted her body away, avoiding Xiao Heng’s hand. She rose once more and gave Xiao Heng a slight curtsy. “Thank you for Your Majesty’s concern, and thank you as well for… saving me earlier. I have no way to repay Your Majesty’s kindness. The only thing I can do is recite sutras before the Buddha from now on and pray that Your Majesty may enjoy boundless blessings and longevity, and that your realm may remain secure forever.” After offering a few words of thanks, Shaoyin respectfully requested permission to withdraw. Xiao Heng, however, would not let her leave. Instead, he held the steaming bowl of medicine out before her and said gently, “Don’t hurry away. Drink this bowl of cold-expelling decoction while it’s hot. I…I still have things to say to you. Many things.” As he spoke, Xiao Heng seemed about to place the bowl in her hands. To avoid any further contact with him, Shaoyin quickly took it herself, thanked him, lowered her head, and sat down. Holding the bowl in both hands, Shaoyin lowered her head and sipped the cold-expelling decoction. Though her eyes remained lowered the entire time, she could feel Xiao Heng watching her from beside her. Fearful and bewildered, Shaoyin could not even taste the bitterness of the medicine. She did not know why Xiao Heng was acting this way or what he intended to say to her. She felt nothing but unease—an overwhelming unease. There were too many things he wanted to say, all pressing against his heart, and for a moment Xiao Heng did not know which one he should say first. He sat quietly beside Xue Shaoyin, watching her lower her brows and eyes, her damp hair spilling over her shoulders and down her back. Like black jade pouring clouds, it wound across her jade-green garments, making her skin appear even more luminous and snowy-white. Her delicate bearing stirred a person’s pity. Xiao Heng could not help recalling the time Xue Shaoyin had fallen into the water before. His voice, gentle to begin with, grew even softer, as though he had fallen into a distant, long-forgotten dream. “Do you remember the first time we met? After I pulled you from the water, you kept crying. You held on to me and cried…” That day, as Xiao Heng passed through Fangfei Court, he happened to see a girl. She wore a flower crown and magnificent clothes, clearly not a palace maid but most likely the daughter of some aristocratic family visiting the palace. Yet she had not a single maid beside her. She played freely by the pond in the court, sometimes talking to the fish in the water, sometimes chasing dragonflies as she ran about happily. There was nothing ladylike in the girl’s manner, yet she was extraordinarily eye-catching. One could not help following her with one’s gaze, as though even the thin sunlight became lighter, brighter, and softer when it fell upon her. Though it was already the desolate season of autumn, as she hopped and skipped about, it seemed as if she were treading upon the dazzling golden sunlight of spring. Every frown and smile of hers brimmed with indescribable vitality and energy, as though all the sorrow in the world could dissolve into the wind along with her laughter. Xiao Heng had been only eight years old that year, yet his heart was already weighed down by worries day after day. Several years earlier, his mother had somehow offended Imperial Father and been demoted from Zhaorong to Talented Lady. From then on, it was as though she had entered the cold palace. Depressed and unhappy, she was often ill. And in the palace, where people fawned on the powerful and trampled the downfallen, the contempt and disdain directed at a disfavored Talented Lady and an ignored prince were nearly everywhere. Thus, from a young age, he had been forced to cultivate a hard, unyielding nature to withstand the frost and wind of reality, doing his best not to let his mother worry about him or expend even the slightest effort on his behalf. He swallowed all his hardships into the depths of his heart, but in doing so, he also lost the innocence, freedom, and carefree joy that belonged to a child. At that time, every season seemed to him like a bitterly cold autumn or winter. He could no longer see any of the joy or beauty people spoke of in this world—until that day, when he saw the girl dancing lightly by the clear pond like a butterfly. Her expression was pure, her smile radiant, and the light of her smile seemed to scatter golden fragments into his eyes, so bright that it even hurt. It hurt as though something had pierced the depths of his heart, making him feel that he could no longer look at her. He lowered his eyes. He had intended to leave without making a sound. He had already turned away behind a tree, but after taking only a few steps, he heard the girl’s panicked scream, followed by the splash of someone falling into the water. He stood rigidly with his back turned for a moment before hurriedly turning around to save her. He hauled her up from the bottom of the pond. The girl had clung tightly to him while still in the water, and once they reached the bank, she refused to let go even for a moment. She seemed to have been utterly terrified. She buried her face against his chest and held him while crying, her body trembling all over. He had never been so close to a girl before. He did have a female Cousin, but whenever they met, they always observed strict propriety. Not to mention any physical contact—they had barely exchanged more than a few words. He sat stiffly on the bank and told the girl in a rigid voice that everything was all right and that she should let go. He said he would find a palace attendant and have them escort her back. But the girl refused to release him, as though she could not escape her terror for the longest time. She clung to him as if he were the only support she had in this world, trusting and relying on him with all her heart. Even after she finally began to sob less and her tears grew fewer, one of her hands still gripped his tightly, refusing to let go, as though she feared he would abandon her there and stop caring about her. The butterfly that had danced lightly beside the pond now seemed to have been thoroughly drenched by rain. Her clothes were soaked through, and water streamed from her long hair as it clung to her cheeks. Her little face was pitifully pale, which only made her eyes appear even darker and brighter. Her round, dewy eyes, like those of a young deer, reflected his face completely, as though she meant to remember him deeply for the rest of her life. “…Thank you for saving me,” she said between sobs. Then she added, “My name is Xue Shaoyin. What’s your name?” The moment he heard her surname was Xue, he knew which family’s young lady she was. But at that time, he had no enmity with the Xue family—or rather, he did not yet know what enmity existed between them—so he told her, “My name is Xiao Heng.” “Oh, I know. Third Prince.” She smiled. Tears still shimmered in her eyes as she smiled. Tears rolled down her cheeks while two dimples appeared on her face, and though her voice was still childish, the words she spoke with that tearful smile sounded like a lifelong promise. “Thank you, Third Prince. I’ll repay you. I’ll treat you well for the rest of my life!” The words spoken by that little girl, her eyes reddened and wet, seemed to echo clearly and sweetly in his heart even now. Xiao Heng gazed at Xue Shaoyin before him, as though he were seeing that little girl from years ago once more. His feelings surged uncontrollably, and all the love he had kept hidden in his heart for so many years naturally poured out at that very moment. “Do you know? On the night we met, I couldn’t sleep no matter how hard I tried. I kept thinking about what you had said. Looking back now, I actually fell in love with you that very day, from the first moment I saw you. I liked you very, very much.” Shaoyin nearly lost her grip on the bowl of medicine. She wondered if she had misheard, but in the next moment, both her hands had already been grasped by Xiao Heng. Even more unbelievable—and terrifying—words came crashing down upon her like a storm of rain, leaving her nowhere to escape. “I like you. I fell in love with you from the first moment I saw you. I simply didn’t realize it myself. For so many years afterward, I was too ignorant and too foolish, and that was why you and I needlessly lost all those years together.” “I regret it. I regret the way I treated you before. I was always making you angry and hurting you. If time could turn back, I would never have treated you that way. I would have treated you well from the very first day I met you. I would have loved you properly for this entire life.” “What I said in Lizhou that year was not sincere. I was merely furious at the time, thrown into chaos because you were going to marry someone else, and I spoke those foolish words in a fit of confusion. I was too muddleheaded then. Clearly, I wanted to stop you from marrying Muyan Helan and bring you back to the capital, yet both my words and actions were like those of a madman. I couldn’t control myself. I regret it deeply. There hasn’t been a single day in the past five years when I haven’t regretted it.” “Over those five years, I don’t know how many times I wanted to issue an edict ordering you to return. I didn’t care about any alliance or treaty anymore. I only wanted you to come back to my side. But in every letter, you said that you were living very well in Shuobei. You said that you… loved Muyan Helan very much…” “Do you know that whenever I read those words, I couldn’t sleep night after night? When I saw you say that you loved Muyan Helan, it felt as though my heart were being cut apart by a knife. At the time, I didn’t know you were merely angry with me. Fortunately, you were only angry with me. Fortunately, you came back. Otherwise, I had already endured as much as I could. I fear I would rather have torn up the alliance and sparked a war than let you remain in Shuobei. I would have brought you back to my side.” “Ayin, I love you. I have loved you from the very beginning. I deeply regret the way I treated you before. I want to make it up to you—to spend the rest of my life making it up to you. Forget everything that happened during these five years. From now on, let us love each other properly and remain together. We will never fail each other again, and we will never part again.” Author’s Note: None.