Chapter 22

Chapter 22: I Like Sister Xue She must have seen wrong. How could Xiao Heng have come to this area? Even if Xiao Heng had felt like disguising himself and leaving the palace during the New Year festivities, how could he have happened to come to the vicinity of this restaurant in West Market? The capital was enormous. How could there be such a coincidence? Shaoyin steadied herself, but that fleeting moment of distraction still left her somewhat unsettled. She was already a little tired after half a day of sightseeing. Moreover, she was thinking about Aunt in the palace, and now that she was feeling distracted as well, she had no interest in continuing to wander through the night market. Although Sister Xue had not said anything, Xiao Yu could still see her weariness. Xiao Yu therefore said that he himself was a little tired and took the initiative to suggest ending their outing for the day. As they had on the way there, he slowly guided his horse beside the carriage Sister Xue was riding in, escorting her through the crowded streets and all the way back to the Xue family residence. When the carriage arrived in front of the Xue family residence, Shaoyin climbed down and smiled lightly as she expressed her thanks to Xiao Yu. She thanked Xiao Yu for inviting her out that day, saying that she had had a wonderful time. After thanking him repeatedly for his company and care, she gave him a slight curtsy and was about to bid him farewell. But before Xiao Yu could speak to retain her, he smiled and said, “Please wait a moment, Sister. I still have a New Year’s gift to give you.” As he spoke, an attendant from Prince Chu’s Residence brought over a long case. Xiao Yu opened it and took out a rolled-up painting. He did not hurry to unroll it. Holding the scroll in his hands, he suddenly brought up an old matter. “Sister, do you still remember that flower-viewing banquet in the palace? You and the Lady Wei who is now Consort Yi were both unwilling to concede and insisted on seeing who was superior. My Mother Consort ordered someone to break off a peony and had Imperial Older Brother, who was still the Crown Prince at the time, judge the contest and give it to whichever young lady he thought was superior.” How could Shaoyin have forgotten? Several other incidents had even arisen from that old matter the previous year. There had been Wei Jinshu’s Hongmen Banquet, arranged to lure her into the palace so that she could be pushed into the water, and Xiao Heng’s madness as he had ordered an entire roomful of peonies to be forced into bloom in the palace’s winter hothouse, insisting on giving them to her to make up for the past. She remembered it, of course. She simply did not know why Xiao Yu had suddenly brought it up. Shaoyin was puzzled and was about to ask when Xiao Yu continued, “Actually, it was I who gave Mother Consort that idea back then. I told her to have a palace servant break off a peony and then ask Imperial Older Brother to judge the contest.” “It had to be a peony,” Xiao Yu said. So Xiao Yu had also been at that banquet. Yet her memories of the flower-viewing banquet contained only Xiao Heng, Wei Jinshu, and the others. There had been no trace of Xiao Yu. How could she have remembered him? Back then, her eyes had been able to see only Xiao Heng and the people and matters connected to him. Her heart had been filled with everything concerning Xiao Heng, leaving her unable to notice anyone else. Xiao Yu had specifically had a palace servant break off a peony and then asked his Mother Consort to designate Crown Prince Xiao Heng as the judge. Naturally, he had hoped his Crown Prince Imperial Older Brother would give the peony to Xue Shaoyin. But… both Xiao Yu and she had misunderstood Xiao Heng in the past. As Shaoyin thought this, Xiao Yu said exactly what she expected. “I thought Imperial Older Brother would place that peony in Sister’s hair, but I never imagined… I never imagined he would act that way, and that it would make Sister so heartbroken back then…” Since she had stopped loving Xiao Heng long ago, Shaoyin naturally no longer cared about what had happened with that peony. She thought Xiao Yu had brought it up because he felt guilty about the past. Hearing the self-reproach in his voice, she gently comforted him. “In the end, what happened back then was because His Majesty himself did not want to choose me. It had nothing to do with Your Highness. You need not take it to heart.” She added with a faint smile, “It happened so many years ago. If Your Highness had not mentioned it, I would have almost forgotten. You should forget it too.” But Xiao Yu’s voice was heavy with remorse. “I cannot forget it. I have never forgotten it all these years. I feel terribly guilty, and I regret that back then, I did not give Sister the peony I had picked with my own hands.” Shaoyin froze, hearing Xiao Yu speak of another matter she had known nothing about. “After Imperial Older Brother placed the peony in Miss Wei’s hair, I watched Sister walk away from the banquet with reddened eyes. I felt so guilty and miserable.” “I picked another peony with my own hands because I wanted to give it to Sister and tell her that no matter what anyone else thought, no matter what Imperial Older Brother thought, in my eyes, Sister was the most beautiful and best woman in the world.” “But I…” Shaoyin fell silent. Back then, she had always been extremely cold toward Xiao Yu and avoided him whenever possible. Whenever she saw him approaching, she would put on a cold expression. If she spotted him from a distance, she would simply take a detour, giving him no chance to come near her. In short, her attitude had been unmistakable: she wanted Xiao Yu to stay far away from her and not approach. Although Xiao Yu had still been young at the time, how could he not have understood her attitude? After running into that wall of ice again and again, how could he have dared approach her on his own? Shaoyin heard Xiao Yu continue. “…But that day, I held that peony in my hand and watched Sister for a very, very long time in the banquet garden. In the end, I still could not bring myself to give it to you…” His voice was low, as if he remained deeply regretful, even after all these years, over his retreat back then. “That night, I could not fall asleep no matter what. I kept thinking about Sister’s wet, reddened eyes. As I looked at the peony I had picked, its petals had nearly withered. The more I looked at it and thought about it, the worse I felt…” “Finally, I got out of bed in the middle of the night and went to the desk. I spread out a sheet of paper and, before the peony could wither completely, painted its form stroke by stroke.” As Shaoyin listened to Xiao Yu, she could almost imagine that night in late spring. In the dead of night, when all sounds had faded, a small boy had bent alone over a desk, painstakingly copying, stroke by stroke, a flower that would wither by the next day. That night in late spring, she had been at home, tossing and turning in grief and anger over what had happened in the palace during the day, and over Crown Prince Cousin. She had not known that a young boy in the palace was also lying awake deep into the night. The reason that young boy could not sleep was because he had placed Xue Shaoyin in the very center of his heart. At that moment, a sour ache rose in Shaoyin’s throat. She bit her lip lightly and held back the bitterness in her throat. When she remained silent, she saw a smile appear once more between Xiao Yu’s handsome brows and eyes. His gaze was clear, glimmering like starlight. “I thought then that flowers would wither, but if I painted the flower, it would never fade.” As Xiao Yu spoke, he unrolled the painting in his hands. On the paper was a pink peony, its soft stem and fluffy petals bending and swaying in the wind, graceful as a lady with a thousand different charms. The date written beside the signature was that exact night, years ago. From then until now, the young boy’s feelings had never changed. “My feelings for Sister are like this peony in the painting. They will never change.” Xiao Yu said, “I wanted to give this painting to Sister long ago, but I put it off for so many years. Tonight, I want to officially give it to you. Please accept it.” It was a painting, but it was also a fervent, sincere expression of his heart. Precisely because it was so sincere and fervent, it seemed at once heavy and as fragile as crystal. It was so weighty that she could barely hold it, yet it also seemed as though the slightest carelessness might hurt it and shatter it. Shaoyin remained silent, unsure what she should do. She neither spoke nor moved. Xiao Yu continued, “I only want to tell Sister how I feel by giving you this painting tonight. I am not insisting that you accept my feelings. I only want you to know. That is all.” Shaoyin could not help recalling the past. Once, she had given Xiao Heng all the sincerity in her heart, only to be ignored and belittled time and again. And during those years when she had been ignored and belittled, she had also been hurting someone else. She had deliberately treated Xiao Yu coldly and kept him at a distance, ignoring and belittling the feelings he had for her. Sincere feelings were precious and should not be treated lightly. They ought to be cherished with gratitude. In the end, Shaoyin accepted the painting—and with it, the feelings of that young boy from all those years ago. “…Thank you.” She lowered her eyes and said only that. Not knowing what else to say, she silently gave Xiao Yu a slight curtsy, bid him farewell, and turned to walk slowly through the main gate. In front of the Xue family residence, Xiao Yu watched Sister Xue’s figure gradually recede until it disappeared from sight. Only then did he withdraw his gaze. Although he had looked away, Xiao Yu remained standing in front of the Xue family residence for quite some time, as though Sister Xue were still there, standing before him in graceful beauty. Her faint fragrance still lingered in the clear, crisp air. After a long while, Xiao Yu finally mounted his horse and rode away into the night. Although the night wind in the first lunar month was biting cold, Xiao Yu did not feel cold in the slightest. He had finally done something he had wanted to do all along. Even as the frigid wind struck his face like blades, a smile remained at the corners of his lips. He thought that when he returned tonight, he would surely have a wonderful dream. The most peaceful, sweetest dream he had ever had in all these years. The sounds of carts and horses gradually faded, and the streets near the Xue family residence returned to silence. No one saw that, in the shadows beneath a street corner, a carriage had already been waiting there for a very long time. Long enough for Xue Shaoyin to return home. Long enough for Xiao Yu to depart. Yet it remained sunk in boundless darkness, as though it had fallen into a black abyss, blending with the pitch-dark night with no dawn in sight. Xiao Yu worried over what Sister Xue worried about. The next morning, as soon as he rose, he began making preparations to enter the palace. He wanted to plead with Imperial Older Brother on Sister Xue’s behalf, hoping that Imperial Older Brother would permit Sister Xue to enter Chongqing Palace and meet with Deposed Empress Xue, so that she might ease her longing for her family. Xiao Yu already had a favor to ask of Imperial Older Brother. During the New Year festivities, it would be even more inappropriate to go before His Majesty empty-handed, so he ordered the stewards of Prince Chu’s Residence to prepare a great many gifts to present. After carrying the gifts into the palace, Xiao Yu was still worried. He was concerned that he might not be able to see Imperial Older Brother that day. The previous day had been the first day of the first lunar month. Imperial Older Brother should have received the imperial clansmen and civil and military officials, yet he had not seen a single person. Xiao Yu did not know whether he would make an exception for him today. Xiao Yu arrived outside the Western Warm Pavilion of Zichen Palace and saw Chief Steward Cheng standing beneath the corridor before the emperor. He hurried forward with a smile to exchange greetings, asking Chief Steward Cheng to be sure to report that he had an important matter and wished to see Imperial Older Brother, and to urge His Majesty to grant him an audience. Seeing the smile on Prince Chu’s face and hearing what he said, Cheng An could not help inwardly breaking into a cold sweat on Prince Chu’s behalf. Prince Chu very much wanted to enter and see His Majesty. But in Cheng An’s opinion, it would be better if he did not see him today. Yesterday, after learning that County Princess Yongning had gone sightseeing with Prince Chu, His Majesty had ultimately left the Western Warm Pavilion and gone out of the palace in disguise. His Majesty had first followed County Princess Yongning and Prince Chu to West Market. Later, the carriage carrying the imperial personage had also driven to the area near the Xue family residence in the night. Over the better part of that day, from afternoon until night, His Majesty had personally witnessed many things and heard many words. Although His Majesty had shown no expression from day to night, Cheng An, who had seen and heard everything as well, had spent most of the previous day in a cold sweat on behalf of County Princess Yongning and Prince Chu. Several times, he had thought that something terrible was about to happen. For example, when County Princess Yongning and Prince Chu left the restaurant, Prince Chu had intimately put an arm around County Princess Yongning, while County Princess Yongning had turned around to brush a scrap of paper from Prince Chu’s hair. The two of them had chatted and laughed together, appearing extraordinarily close. And when County Princess Yongning and Prince Chu returned to the Xue family residence, Prince Chu had said those things to County Princess Yongning in front of the gate. County Princess Yongning had not rejected him and had ultimately accepted the painting Prince Chu gave her. Although His Majesty had seemed to be nothing more than an onlooker from beginning to end, never appearing to say or do anything, Cheng An had been even more worried and uneasy because of it. How could His Majesty truly be indifferent?! If His Majesty could really remain unmoved by matters concerning County Princess Yongning, why would he have ridden after the lanterns that night like a man bereft of his soul, standing at the edge of the cliff in the wind and snow? Why would he have failed to take care of his imperial health after County Princess Yongning left the palace, allowing himself to remain ill for so many days, with his cough refusing to improve—as though deliberately tormenting himself? And why would he… as the exalted Son of Heaven, leave the palace in disguise and silently follow County Princess Yongning for most of the day, watching how gently she spoke to Prince Chu and how brightly she smiled at him? If His Majesty had been displeased and vented his anger on the spot, that would have been better. But His Majesty’s current silence was like a volcano dormant for the moment. The more he suppressed and endured, the more terrifying and dangerous it would be if he erupted one day. His Majesty was now like a dormant volcano that might erupt at any moment. Why did Prince Chu have to run straight into it at a time like this? Cheng An kindly advised him, “His Majesty is unwell today. Perhaps Your Highness should come another day?” Yet when Prince Chu heard that His Majesty was ill, he wanted to see him even more—both because of the important matter he wished to discuss and because he was concerned about Imperial Older Brother’s health. Cheng An truly had no choice. He could only sigh helplessly inwardly and bow slightly to Prince Chu. “Your Highness, please wait. This old servant will go in and report it at once.” Xiao Yu waited outside for a while before Chief Steward Cheng lifted the curtain and came out. He gave Xiao Yu a slight bow. “Your Highness, please enter.” Xiao Yu had the palace servants carry the gifts into the Western Warm Pavilion. After straightening his appearance, he walked in as well and saw His Majesty seated on the couch beneath the southern window of the warm pavilion. Xiao Yu stepped forward and respectfully saluted Imperial Older Brother. Only when he came closer did he see clearly what Imperial Older Brother was doing. Imperial Older Brother was not reading a book or looking through memorials. He was holding a broken jade flute. On the low table beside the couch lay fish glue, thin sheets of gold and silver, and other items. It seemed that Imperial Older Brother was personally repairing the broken flute. Seeing Imperial Older Brother engaged in the craftwork of a jade artisan, Xiao Yu was about to laugh and ask what had given him such an interest when his gaze suddenly fell on the green bamboo leaf pattern on the flute’s body. He froze, saying nothing. Xiao Yu recognized that green-bamboo-patterned jade flute. It was the birthday gift Sister Xue had once given Imperial Older Brother. One year, Imperial Father’s health had happened to be poor on Imperial Older Brother’s birthday. The Eastern Palace could not hold as grand a banquet as it had in previous years, so only a few people who were usually close to Imperial Older Brother went to the Eastern Palace to celebrate his birthday. Those who had gone that day were him, Sister Xue, the current Consort Shu Jiang Ningyan, and Jiang Ningyan’s older brother, Jiang Chengxuan. At the time, Jiang Ningyan was no longer a palace maid in the Eastern Palace bearing a criminal’s status. In the sixth year after Imperial Older Brother became the Crown Prince, he had persuaded Imperial Father to pardon the Jiang family. The Jiang men had returned from the border, while Jiang Ningyan had left the palace and gone home, once again becoming a daughter of the Jiang family. At the small banquet in the Eastern Palace that day, Sister Xue gave Imperial Older Brother a green-bamboo-patterned jade flute as his birthday gift. But before the banquet had even ended, the jade flute broke. Because of Jiang Ningyan, Sister Xue had argued with Imperial Older Brother during the banquet and, in a fit of anger, personally smashed the jade flute. When Sister Xue had smashed the flute and stormed away from the banquet, Imperial Older Brother had not spoken to stop her. He had seemed neither regretful over the destruction of the jade flute nor concerned by Sister Xue’s departure. His expression had remained bland, without the slightest trace of emotion. Yet at this very moment, Imperial Older Brother was personally repairing the broken flute, and his expression was… extraordinarily serious. Xiao Yu silently stared at the scene before him, unable to say what he felt. When he had possessed a priceless pearl, he had refused to cherish it no matter what. Now that his heart had been shattered across the floor, why bother trying to piece it back together? If he did not want it, he should have let it go completely. Why had he suddenly wanted to turn back after all these years? During the days Sister Xue had been trapped in the palace, Xiao Yu had been outside, his heart burning like a fire. Xiao Yu had known for a long time that Imperial Older Brother actually cared about Sister Xue. He also knew that although Imperial Older Brother cared, he simply did not want Sister Xue’s affection and did not cherish it. That was what he had always believed. Yet the days Sister Xue had been confined in the palace seemed to be shattering that belief. During those days, Xiao Yu had had no idea what was happening in Zichen Palace. Every day, he had been worried sick, his heart burning with anxiety. Had Imperial Older Brother suddenly accepted Sister Xue’s feelings? Had he suddenly wanted Sister Xue herself? Did he want to bring Sister Xue into the palace? Did Sister Xue still love Imperial Older Brother deeply, as she had in the past? Was she delighted by the sudden favor of the Son of Heaven? Xiao Yu had thought about these things all day long, as though he were going mad. If that had truly been the case, should he have been happy for Sister Xue because she had finally achieved what she wanted, or should he have mocked and lamented himself because his own feelings would never receive a response? Yet Sister Xue had left the palace. And Sister Xue had personally told him that there had long been no trace of Imperial Older Brother left in her heart. Xiao Yu had been ecstatic upon hearing this. But he was still worried—worried that Sister Xue no longer had any interest in Imperial Older Brother, while Imperial Older Brother might insist on forcing the matter. After all, no matter how one looked at the fact that Imperial Older Brother had kept Sister Xue in the palace for several days, it was permeated by a strange air. Fortunately, nothing had happened after Sister Xue left the palace and returned home. For a long time, Imperial Older Brother had not summoned Sister Xue into the palace even once, as though he had cast her completely from his mind. It was almost as if keeping Sister Xue in Zichen Palace for those few days had merely been a momentary aberration—like a dream or drunken stupor. Once the dream ended and the wine had worn off, Imperial Older Brother had become just as he had been before. Before seeing Imperial Older Brother repairing the broken flute today, Xiao Yu had thought this way. But Imperial Older Brother’s actions today made his heart, which he had finally managed to set down, tighten anxiously once more. At that moment, while Xiao Yu was overwhelmed by complicated emotions and unable to speak, Imperial Older Brother paused his work amid the silence and lifted his eyes to him. “Cheng An said you had an important matter and wanted to see me. What is it?” Xiao Yu heard that Imperial Older Brother’s voice was extremely hoarse, and that he seemed considerably thinner than when they had met before the New Year. He could only first suppress the chaos in his heart and ask after Imperial Older Brother’s health. “Imperial Older Brother, are you feeling unwell? Have you had an imperial physician examine you? Although it is already the first lunar month, the weather is still cold. You must take care of your health.” “It is nothing. I only have a slight cough. It will be better in a few days.” Even as Imperial Older Brother spoke, he continued asking why Xiao Yu had come. Xiao Yu said, “I came to ask a favor of Imperial Older Brother on Sister Xue’s behalf. I hope Imperial Older Brother will permit Sister Xue to enter Chongqing Palace to visit her aunt.” He added, “It is the New Year, when everyone longs to reunite with their family. Please show mercy and allow Aunt and niece to reunite during the festivities.” Imperial Older Brother did not say whether he agreed or refused. He merely lowered his eyes and continued wrapping the surface of the broken jade flute with thin silver sheets, speaking in an indifferent tone. “If it concerns her, she can come and speak to me herself. Why do you have to plead with me for mercy on her behalf?” Xiao Yu was silent for a moment. Then, in a clear voice, he said: “Because I like Sister Xue.” Author’s Note: None