Chapter 33

Chapter 33: It Was Only Himself Many people in this world believed that His Majesty had been overly cold toward his foster mother, Mrs. Xue, and toward the Xue family as well. Jiang Ningyan, however, would not think as foolishly as the common people did, because she had long known of the grievances between the Jiang and Xue families. Back when she had been a maidservant in the Eastern Palace, she had already learned that her aunt, Talented Lady Jiang, had in fact died from Empress Xue’s poisoning. She also knew that the Jiang family’s conviction had been due in no small part to Empress Xue’s machinations. She was a member of the Jiang family, and at that time, she had been the only relative and the only person he could trust at Cousin’s side. She and Cousin had stood on the same side. He had never concealed the hatred in his heart from her. During those years, they had shared a common enemy and borne a shared grudge. Thus, things the people of the world could never imagine were things Jiang Ningyan might be able to think of. If Xue Shaoyin were not as ignorant of the past and the truth as everyone else, if she already knew of His Majesty’s hatred toward the Xue family and knew of the revenge he had plotted in the past, what would Xue Shaoyin do? She naturally would not fall out with His Majesty. Apart from venting her anger with a few words, she would be unable to accomplish anything—like an egg striking a rock. Instead, she might take another path. Putting herself in Xue Shaoyin’s place, for the sake of her family and her clan, she would make the greatest possible use of His Majesty’s feelings for her to accomplish what she wanted. And if Xue Shaoyin truly had only her late husband in her heart, as she herself claimed, and had long since set aside her former feelings for His Majesty, then she could carry out her plans with even fewer scruples and no emotional entanglements. She would not have to choose between the person she loved and her closest family, nor would she be placed in a dilemma between the two. Perhaps it was because of her own selfish motives, or perhaps it was for His Majesty’s safety. In any case, after Jiang Ningyan began to harbor such suspicions about Xue Shaoyin, her doubts deepened with each passing day. In the end, she had her maternal family investigate the Xue family’s movements, as well as those of County Princess Yongning. And Jiang Ningyan truly did uncover some suspicious clues. At that moment, Jiang Ningyan respectfully reported to His Majesty, “A few days ago, my elder brother happened to learn of something. Xue Ming, the County Princess Yongning’s elder brother, has recently been secretly contacting the civilian physicians who once treated General Xue. Xue Ming seems to be harboring suspicions about something—or perhaps it is the County Princess Yongning who is harboring suspicions.” Something suddenly, soundlessly, brushed past Xiao Heng’s heart. One day, also in the Imperial Study, Xue Shaoyin had suddenly brought up her biological father and asked him what her father, Xue Guangfu, had said to him during the final moments when he was conscious in this life. Before that, Xue Shaoyin had never asked him such a question. She had not asked when she lost her father at fifteen, nor afterward. Only a few days ago had she suddenly brought it up, as though a thorn had abruptly grown in her heart. Xiao Heng had assumed that Jiang Ningyan’s audience with His Majesty today would concern the old grievances with the Xue family, and that she would urge him, for the sake of his birth mother in the underworld, not to develop any feelings for or show any concern toward the Xue family. He had not expected Jiang Ningyan to say such things. Had he truly not expected it, or was he, Xiao Heng, simply unwilling to think too deeply about it? Because he would rather believe that Xue Shaoyin was trying to give him one more chance. Xue Shaoyin’s increasingly gentle attitude toward him meant that her sealed heart had begun to loosen, little by little. Sometimes, when Xue Shaoyin gave him a cold look or lost her temper, it was because she was gradually relaxing in his presence. She no longer regarded him as a monarch whom she had to obey reverently in every matter. Instead, he was simply Xiao Heng—someone before whom she did not have to restrain her temper. Thus, her disposition was gradually becoming more like it had been in the past. And not because of anything else. …Because of…anything else… Xiao Heng remained silent, but his heart seemed to be immersed in frigid ice water. The bone-piercing cold was like sharp blades of ice, scraping across his heart inch by inch. He was not resisting the suspicious points Jiang Ningyan had raised, nor the possibility she had implied. It was as if he was merely resisting himself. Today, Jiang Ningyan had simply torn open a certain possibility he had forced deep into his heart and had never been willing to face, laying it bare before him. “Your Majesty, if the County Princess Yongning truly harbors ill intentions toward you, keeping such a person by your side is far too dangerous for you!” Jiang Ningyan pleaded desperately. “If Your Majesty insists on keeping the County Princess Yongning at your side, then please endure a little longer. First send people to investigate the County Princess Yongning thoroughly, and investigate every member of the Xue family as well. Once it has been confirmed that the County Princess Yongning and the Xue family harbor no intention of rebellion, summon the County Princess Yongning to see you again. “At that time, even if Your Majesty wishes to bring the County Princess Yongning into the Imperial Harem, or even confer the title of empress upon her, I will have not the slightest grievance!” Jiang Ningyan knelt on the floor and kowtowed as she begged His Majesty. “The words I speak today are not merely those of Consort Shu pleading with you. I am also begging you as your Cousin. I pray that Your Majesty will enjoy good health and live for ten thousand years. I truly cannot stand by and watch you place your imperial health and safety at risk!” Seeing that His Majesty remained silent, Jiang Ningyan’s voice grew increasingly urgent. “If Your Majesty keeps the County Princess Yongning at your side, you will give her countless opportunities. If she truly harbors ulterior motives and attempts to poison you while attending to you in your daily life…” Before she could finish, she suddenly heard His Majesty rebuke her coldly. “That is enough!” Jiang Ningyan raised her head in astonishment. His Majesty’s brows were stern and cold, and his voice was more indifferent toward her than ever before. “You talk too much. You and your elder brother have extended your hands far too deeply into matters that do not concern you.” “All this time, I have treated the Jiang family generously and been lenient with you for my mother’s sake. But you should not take advantage of my generosity and lenience, pushing for more and more.” His Majesty’s tone was cold and heavy. “My affairs are mine to decide. How could matters in Zichen Palace be something you are permitted to spy on and interfere with? This time, I will punish you lightly. If there is a next time, I will show no mercy. Withdraw.” Jiang Ningyan had practically risked everything to say these words today. Whether it was for her own selfish motives or for His Majesty’s safety, she could not accept His Majesty’s apparent indifference, as though he had not taken her words to heart at all. The usually respectful and gentle Jiang Ningyan disregarded His Majesty’s command at that moment. Not only did she fail to withdraw immediately, she hurriedly crawled forward on her knees and pleaded all the more desperately. “Your Majesty, there are countless suspicious points surrounding the County Princess Yongning. She once told me herself that, in this lifetime, her heart would hold only one person—Muyan Helan. People do not suddenly change, Your Majesty…” She could say no more. Although Jiang Ningyan still had many things to say and was exceedingly unwilling to leave, palace attendants soon entered at His Majesty’s command and forcibly escorted her from the Imperial Study. Only one voice remained, growing ever more distant from the Imperial Study, filled with grief and urgency: “I am doing this all for Your Majesty!” Gradually, the Imperial Study fell completely silent. It was as still as the sea, as though nothing had ever happened. The palace attendants withdrew far away. Within the Imperial Study, there was only Xiao Heng. He sat alone behind the desk for a long time, as if he were thinking of nothing. He did not think about Jiang Ningyan’s words, nor did he think about the doubts he had previously forced down into the depths of his heart. It was as though he wanted to think of nothing at all. Yet even so, amid the long, suffocating silence, an old memory quietly rose from the depths of his heart. Four years ago, on the night before Imperial Father, gravely ill, lay dying, he dismissed all the attendants and alone guarded his father’s imperial couch, listening to Imperial Father’s final instructions concerning the realm and state affairs. He assented to each of Imperial Father’s teachings and injunctions, saying that he would surely devote himself to governing diligently, drive out foreign enemies, protect the inheritance of his ancestors, and bring peace and prosperity to Daqi. After hearing this, Imperial Father seemed to have nothing left to worry about. He remained silently quiet for a long time. Just when Xiao Heng thought his father had nothing more to say, Imperial Father suddenly asked him, “Do you resent me in your heart?” When Xiao Heng was stunned, Imperial Father looked deeply at him. “For sending Shaoyin to marry into Shuobei?” By then, because of his journey to Lizhou, Xiao Heng had already realized that he harbored feelings for Xue Shaoyin. Yet he had still been unwilling to accept that fact, and remained exceedingly naïve and shallow in his thinking. He believed he should not hold even the slightest feelings for the niece of his enemy. He thought that sooner or later, he could let go of those feelings; he simply needed time. Thus, he said to Imperial Father, “How could that be? I have never liked Xue Shaoyin. It is best that she leave Daqi and remain out of my sight, instead of vexing me every day.” Upon hearing this, Imperial Father gave a soft laugh. “Is that so…” As he chuckled, there seemed to be pity in his deep gaze. At the time, Xiao Heng had not yet understood the pity in his father’s eyes when Imperial Father sighed and said, “In truth, I could not bear to send Shaoyin to Shuobei either. Though I have several biological daughters, Shaoyin is closer to my heart than even my own daughters. I watched her grow up, and in my heart, I have always regarded her as my own child…” “Yet no matter how much affection I feel for her, Daqi’s realm has always been of the greatest importance to me. For the sake of Daqi’s stability, for your sake, I could not allow Shaoyin to remain in Daqi, to remain at your side.” In the end, Imperial Father said something Xiao Heng could not understand. That night, he had been unable to understand it. But what about now? Xiao Heng remained silent for a long time, his gaze falling upon a small gold-flecked paper deer on the desk. Xue Shaoyin had folded it here yesterday. After accompanying him while he finished reviewing the memorials, she had originally intended to leave, but he had spoken up to ask her to stay. It seemed that Xue Shaoyin had remained because he asked her to. Yet she did not seem happy about it. After staying behind, she did not speak to him, but merely sat there in silence, bored out of her mind. She pulled a sheet of gold-flecked paper from the desk as if to while away the time, and began folding it. Her slender fingers moved deftly, slowly folding the paper into an exquisite little deer. After she finished, she silently gazed at the little deer for a long time without saying a word. In all the years they had known each other, he had never seen Xue Shaoyin fold anything from paper. When had she learned this skill? And who… had taught her? There was a suspicion in his heart. Seeing the lonely, absent expression on Xue Shaoyin’s face as she stared at the deer, that suspicion only grew clearer. Whenever he had similar suspicions, his heart became a mixture of regret and jealousy, yet it also seemed that he had no right to be jealous. He could only force himself to smile and praise her, asking Xue Shaoyin whether she could teach him. It was as though he wanted to use this to enter the world she inhabited, asking her not to leave him outside, alone. During these recent days, Xue Shaoyin’s attitude toward him had softened considerably. Whenever he made a request, she often did not refuse him. Yet when it came to this paper deer, she had not agreed yesterday. She had merely rejected him with a faint sentence: “Your Majesty’s hands should be used to handle the affairs of state.” In truth, throughout these recent days, it was not that he had felt nothing. Although he seemed able to sense Xue Shaoyin’s gentleness and the hope she brought him, his reason had not disappeared. It had constantly reminded him from the depths of his heart— It was only himself who did not want reason. Author’s Note: None Close