Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Over the Five Years, the Business Between Husband and Wife… Xiao Heng suddenly stopped and turned around. Shaoyin had been walking behind him with her eyes lowered. Caught off guard when Xiao Heng came to an abrupt halt, she hurriedly stopped as well, barely avoiding running straight into him. She quickly retreated two steps and was just about to bow and apologize when she heard Xiao Heng ask softly, “…Are you very afraid of me?” Shaoyin pondered inwardly how she should answer, and what kind of reply would avoid provoking Xiao Heng’s unfathomable anger. After carefully considering it again and again, she said cautiously in a low voice, “Under Your Majesty’s heavenly might, the Nine Regions and the Four Seas all submit. How could a lowly woman like me not fear and submit as well?” Yet Xiao Heng said, “You never used to speak to me like that.” When she was happy, she would say, “Cousin is the best!” When she was angry, she would scold him, “Xiao Heng, you’ve gone too far!” When she was so upset that she was about to cry, she would glare at him with a pair of reddened, watery eyes, like a rabbit driven to bite someone—though she could never bring herself to bite him—and stubbornly declare, “I’m going home. I’m never coming here again! If you’re capable, then don’t come looking for me for the rest of your life!” And when she was drunk, all her stubbornness would melt into sticky candy. She would cling to him, turn his face this way and that as she gazed at him, and giggle foolishly. “Cousin, you’re so handsome.” She would smile happily, wrap her arms around his neck, and bury her head in the hollow of his throat, rubbing and nuzzling him softly like a little beast. Then she would murmur sweet words steeped in the warm, intoxicating scent of wine: “Xiao Heng, I like you. Forever and ever, I’ll only like you.” The bitter winter wind seemed to pierce through Xiao Heng’s luxurious cloak and brocade robes, blowing straight into his heart. He stepped closer to Xue Shaoyin. Seeing her instinctively prepare to retreat in fear again, he could only stop where he was and say hoarsely, “Don’t be afraid of me.” Xiao Heng said, “I told you, I won’t hold anything from the past against you anymore. So you don’t need to be afraid of me.” His mother’s death had been caused by the Xue family. What did that have to do with Xue Shaoyin? The hatred filling his heart back then should never have spilled over onto her in the slightest. As for the things Shaoyin had said at the wedding in Lizhou, although her words had indeed been harsh, he himself had been no better. Since that was the case, how could he hold it against her? Xiao Heng gazed at Xue Shaoyin’s lowered brows and eyes. In the past, her eyes had always followed him, filled with love, longing, resentment, and coquettish anger toward him. But now, whenever she faced him, she kept her head lowered so deeply that he could not see into her heart at all. Xiao Heng said, “We… we can be like we were before.” Shaoyin did not understand what Xiao Heng meant, just as she did not understand why he had asked her to accompany him on a stroll through the capital today. Wasn’t it unpleasant to go shopping with someone she disliked? And what did he mean by… “We can be like we were before”? The past she and Xiao Heng had shared had been a disaster for both of them. What was there worth looking back on? Shaoyin felt as though she could no longer understand Xiao Heng. When she had been a girl, she had believed herself to be the person in all the world who understood Crown Prince Cousin best. Later, after something happened to Aunt, she had felt that she must have been blind before. Only then had she truly understood Xiao Heng’s character and seen his real face. She had thought she had finally seen through him completely. Yet five years later, after returning from Shuobei, she seemed to be unable to understand Xiao Heng once again. Or perhaps, over the course of those five years, Xiao Heng had changed again. He had become… exceedingly difficult to understand. Shaoyin had no idea what Xiao Heng meant by his words or actions today. She only knew that he was the sovereign, and that she could only submit and must not anger him. Thus, after a brief silence, she lowered her eyes and softly said, “Yes.” It was as though all the sincerity in his heart had collided with a solid wall of ice. He wanted to bare his heart to her, but Xue Shaoyin stood cold and unyielding as snow. A light knock or two could not open the tightly sealed door to her heart. Along with his disappointment and helplessness, Xiao Heng mocked himself inwardly. He supposed that he now had to repay the debts of his past. He had treated Xue Shaoyin so coldly before. How could one or two gentle words from him now make her dare to believe that he had a place for her in his heart? He could only begin with the small things—showing her sincere concern and drawing closer to her. If she did not believe him once, he would tell her twice, three times, a thousand times, ten thousand times. With water dripping through stone, there would come a day when she believed in his sincerity and revealed her own to him. The wind was growing fiercer, and the sky had darkened. It looked as though snow might soon fall. Worried that Xue Shaoyin would become chilled in the street, Xiao Heng brought her to a nearby restaurant. The restaurant was called Liuxia. They had come here together in the past, so Xiao Heng ordered the same private room and the same dishes as before. He also had a pot of wine warmed, poured a cup himself, and handed it to Xue Shaoyin. “Have a cup of warm wine to warm yourself.” Even though Xiao Heng’s voice was gentle, Shaoyin took his words as nothing more than an imperial command—and imperial commands had to be obeyed. She was about to rise and accept the cup with both hands, thanking him according to proper etiquette, when Xiao Heng spoke again. “We came out in plainclothes. There’s no need for so many rules. Besides, there are only the two of us here. Why bother observing formalities?” Xiao Heng smiled. “Relax a little. Be as you were when we came out together before.” Relax? Back then, she had been wholeheartedly happy and at ease. But when Xiao Heng had been forced to accompany her, he had probably felt uncomfortable every moment. Now that no one could force him to do anything, why would he deliberately make himself uncomfortable? Or perhaps circumstances had changed, and Xiao Heng wanted her to experience how he had felt when he was forced to accompany her on outings back then—how helpless and ill at ease he had been, as though sitting on a bed of needles. That must be why everything had fallen into place so perfectly today. Xiao Heng had met her at Puan Temple, made her accompany him through the streets they had once walked together, and brought her to Liuxia Restaurant, where she had once gotten drunk. Shaoyin felt that she had finally understood the reason behind Xiao Heng’s actions today. Once she understood, the unease in her heart instead settled. If this was merely revenge, then she would let Xiao Heng take his revenge. So long as his revenge did not involve her family in the slightest, he could do as he pleased. Shaoyin answered, “Yes,” then accepted the cup of warm wine from Xiao Heng and lowered her head to drink. Xiao Heng watched Xue Shaoyin drink with her head bowed. Her slender hands cradled the warm cup, her brows and eyes lowered, while her long black lashes trembled faintly with each sip, like delicate wings brushing lightly against his heart. Although it was still daytime, the sky outside the restaurant had gradually darkened, and candles had been lit within. The private room on the second floor was bathed in lamplight, as though a thin veil of moonlight had descended over the entire room. In the hazy light, Xiao Heng gazed at Xue Shaoyin. It was as though, beneath the lamplight and moonlight of that year, a gentle moonlight had also risen within his heart. He softly asked, “Do you remember? We came here once before.” Shaoyin had just finished the warm wine in her cup. She thought that Xiao Heng was indeed going to dredge up the past in order to mock and humiliate her. She remembered. She had once come to Liuxia Restaurant with Xiao Heng, on a spring night. She had drunk wine here and, under its influence, done something exceedingly improper to Xiao Heng. She had kissed Xiao Heng—or, more precisely, she had forced a kiss on him. Back then, because Jiang Ningyan existed, and because of the way Xiao Heng always favored and protected Jiang Ningyan, Shaoyin had felt miserable every day. She had been certain since childhood that Xiao Heng liked her too, merely pretending otherwise and refusing to show it. But the care he showed Jiang Ningyan, contrasted with the coldness and distance he showed Shaoyin, formed a cruel comparison. The girl who had once been so confident became less confident with each passing day, and the pain in her heart grew deeper with each passing day. That night, under the stimulation of the wine, she had seemed to reach a desperate, all-or-nothing decision. She had gazed at Xiao Heng’s usual indifferent expression across from her. Overwhelmed by resentment and sorrow, she had suddenly leaned forward and kissed his lips. She had wrapped her arms tightly around Xiao Heng’s neck without a care, kissed him recklessly, recklessly venting the pain in her heart and recklessly setting her love for him ablaze. She had been gambling—gambling that Xiao Heng liked her, gambling that he would not push her away. In her drunken dream, it seemed she had won the bet. Not only had Xiao Heng failed to push her away, but after his body had remained stiff for a long while, he had slowly raised his arms and drawn her into his embrace, becoming intoxicated with her in a lingering, passionate kiss. But the dream had been false. When she awoke from it, she was already in the carriage on the way home. Xiao Heng had kept as much distance from her as possible inside the carriage. His gaze had been cold as he looked at her—not only as cold and indifferent as ever, but seemingly filled with disgust and mockery as well. The past… was truly too unbearable to recall. Shaoyin poured herself another cup of wine, as though she wanted to sink those unbearable memories into the wine meant to dispel sorrow and forget them completely. Xiao Heng saw the faint flush spread across Xue Shaoyin’s cheeks. It might have been caused by the wine, or perhaps by her embarrassment over the past. Since Xue Shaoyin was too shy to speak, Xiao Heng did not elaborate. He was afraid of making her cheeks turn completely red. He merely found the corners of his lips curving upward despite himself. He had always known that Xue Shaoyin was bold, but even so, her boldness that night had shocked him. At the time, he had still believed that he did not like Xue Shaoyin. When she suddenly kissed him, reason had immediately begun shouting in his mind, urging him to push the hateful girl away. But it was as if something deeply entangled had been coiled within his heart. At the moment Xue Shaoyin kissed him, it slowly unfurled, passing beyond reason and completely taking control of every inch of his body. He could not raise a hand to push Xue Shaoyin away. His body had gone rigid, as though even his blood could no longer flow. At the same time, he had been so hot that he seemed about to break into a sweat. The warmth of the girl’s breath and kisses seemed to scald his heart, stirring shivers throughout him. In the end, relying on the reason and self-restraint he had always been proud of, he had managed to raise his arms, intending to push Xue Shaoyin away. But when he lightly placed his hand on her shoulder, he had instead pulled her tightly into his embrace, urgently deepening the kiss and sinking completely into it, until Xue Shaoyin fell asleep drunk in his arms. As Xue Shaoyin slept peacefully and sweetly, he had felt as though he were caught between ice and fire. When reason returned, he had tried desperately to find an explanation for what he had done. In the end, he had attributed it to the desires between men and women. He had believed that it was not because he felt any desire for Xue Shaoyin. It was simply that, in such circumstances, any physically normal man would have acted the same way. Naturally, that laughable explanation had immediately collapsed after Imperial Father had forcibly ordered him to accept several Senior Palace Consorts and Palace Consorts. He acted that way only toward Xue Shaoyin. Only she could stir desire in his heart. No matter what other women in the world were like, his heart held only Xue Shaoyin. And at that time, Xue Shaoyin had already been far away in Shuobei, the wife of Muyan Helan. Would Xue Shaoyin kiss Muyan Helan the way she had kissed him? She probably would not be so eager and passionate. After all, Xue Shaoyin did not love Muyan Helan. But the two of them had been husband and wife for five years. Even if they had not loved each other, over those five years, the business between husband and wife… Xiao Heng’s thoughts instantly became a tangled mess. All his sweet fantasies about the past seemed to be shredded to pieces by countless strands of chaotic confusion. He lifted the wine cup beside him and drank, yet he could no longer taste it. Outside the window, fine snow began to fall in a swirling flurry. Author’s Note: Nothing. Close