Chapter 452

Chapter 452 In the first year of the Emperor's campaign, she still had a fiery spirit, wanting to contend with Xie Run. She resented Xie Run for taking away the perfect life she should have had. She would stir up small disturbances, trying to provoke Xie Run, and also trying to make herself feel like someone who was still breathing. She had imagined Xie Run would torment her, target her, even want to kill her. What she never imagined was that Xie Run would completely ignore her. At first, the palace attendants around her, trying to curry favor with Xie Run, would treat her harshly and abuse her. But as Xie Run's neglect continued, the attendants gradually grew too lazy to bother with her. She had no silver to bribe anyone, and there wasn't even a single attendant willing to speak with her. Occasionally, when attendants passed by her palace, they would take a detour, afraid of being tainted by her bad luck. She was clearly living in the palace, yet it seemed no one cared about her—like she was invisible. In the second year, unable to bear such a life, she burned her bridges and prepared to make a scene. She thought, even if she died, so be it. At least it would be a release, better than her current life. Who would have thought that when Xie Run saw her causing a fuss, she showed not a trace of anger. She merely investigated the matter, then punished the attendants who had been cruel to her, which actually made her life a bit better. Thinking about it now, it made sense. She was just a fallen Lady-in-waiting, yet she received meals on time every day—firewood in winter, grain in summer—never once lacking. It must have been the kindness of this "Noble Consort Zhao." She wasn't even given the chance to starve or freeze to death. After she could no longer stir up any waves, the attendants avoided her like snakes and scorpions. Lady Hua found an excuse and banished her to a corner of Fanghua Palace. In the harem, she was completely forgotten. By the third year of the Emperor's campaign, all the pride in her heart had been worn away. Day after day, she huddled in her dim, gloomy room. She felt like a rat that couldn't bear the light of day, hiding in a corner of the palace, waiting for death to come. Her spirit was gone. She lived each day numb and dazed, like a walking corpse. But she was still young. She didn't know how many years she'd have to endure before she could finally waste herself away. In the first two years, she would occasionally dream of her previous life at night. But this year, the dreams grew fewer and fewer, as if everything from her past life had merely been a dream. The dream had ended, and she gradually forgot, gradually learning to accept reality with numbness. Caiyue had more passion than she did. She coaxed Bai Fu to wash her face and change into new clothes. The new clothes were made from a bolt of fabric the Noble Consort had bestowed upon the Six Palaces during the New Year. Caiyue had sewn it for her day and night. But she had never worn it even once. Caiyue excitedly dressed Bai Fu in the new clothes, only to find they no longer fit. Bai Fu had grown thinner without anyone noticing—nothing but skin and bones, drowning in the loose fabric. Seeing this, Caiyue's joy vanished in an instant, and tears streamed down her face. "Mistress, why is our life so hard to endure?!" She hugged Bai Fu, sobbing, "Life in the palace is truly unbearable." "No hope of a way out, and no path of retreat... living in torment is worse than death—that's what this is." Bai Fu wanted to cry with Caiyue, but found she couldn't shed a single tear. She could only remain numb, letting Caiyue hold her. On the day the Emperor returned triumphantly to court, she mustered a rare spark of courage, intending to end her life that day. But even with the knife in her hand, she couldn't bring herself to do it. She was trapped in the palace, yet she wasn't truly alone. If she died today, she would bring bad luck upon the Emperor. Caiyue, her family, even the descendants of the Bai family—all of them might face brutal retribution because of her actions. Her hand trembled as it gripped the knife for a long time, until it finally fell to the ground. She lay on her bed, watching the sun set and the moon rise, cold light flooding the bed. Suddenly she rose, struggling to her desk. She picked up a brush, spread out paper, and after a long silence, wrote down a single line. "Only the cold moon and warm sun are seen, pressing away the years of human life." When she studied poetry as a child, reading this line, she had always found it puzzling. Today, she finally understood—yet that feeling of helplessness and weight seeped into her very bones, numbing even her soul. The brush fell, ink smearing. Bai Fu had lost the last shred of her spirit. From that day on, she suddenly fell ill. Xie Run, having managed all the affairs of the Emperor's return to court, was so exhausted she felt she'd lost a pound of flesh. Suddenly, a young maid came to report, "My Lady, Lady-in-waiting Bai has fallen ill." Xie Run asked, "How did she fall ill?" "She caught a chill last night, it's said, and suddenly developed a high fever." Normally, no one in the palace cared about Bai Fu, and such news would never reach Xie Run's ears. But with the Emperor just returning to court, if someone were to die in the harem, it would be terribly inauspicious. Xie Run thought for a moment. "First, send an imperial physician to take her pulse and prescribe some good medicine." "The Emperor has just returned—she cannot have anything happen to her for now." Xie Run felt she had done right by Bai Fu. Bai Fu had caused trouble time and again, yet Xie Run had never held it against her, only handling matters according to palace rules. When the attendants were negligent, she had specifically punished them. Monthly allowances and holiday gifts—she had never withheld any, always ensuring they were delivered into Bai Fu's hands. Though her rank was low, her life wasn't truly difficult. At least it was better than most in the palace. The batch of Selection Candidates from before the Retired Emperor's passing had each served the Emperor only once, and now all of them were simply passing their days in the harem. This batch of selection candidates all had their ranks hovering around Lady-in-waiting, Baolin, and Lady of Beauty—no one was much better off than another. Xie Run pitied them for entering the palace in the bloom of their youth, and always kept a watchful eye over them. Everyone was getting by well enough, except for Bai Fu, who hid away in her own palace day after day, living like neither the living nor the dead. In her past life she had been gentle and clever, but in this life she was left with nothing but self-pity and lamentation. In the afternoon, Xiaoshu delivered a piece of paper. "Your Ladyship, the imperial physician says Lady-in-waiting Bai has caught a chill." "But the chill is a minor matter—the physician says Lady-in-waiting Bai is pent up with grief, with no will to live, and won't even drink her medicine." "At this rate, she may not last much longer." Xie Run took the paper and slowly unfolded it: "She was doing just fine—why would she suddenly not want to live?" The moment she saw the words written on it, her throat tightened. Xiaoshu: "This was found in Lady-in-waiting Bai's room." "Her personal maid Caiyue couldn't read it, and worried that Lady-in-waiting Bai's illness might be connected to the words on this paper, so she specially sent it up. She said Lady-in-waiting Bai fell ill suddenly right after writing this." Xie Run slowly folded the paper away: "Have the imperial physician find a way to get the medicine into her first." "With such good days ahead, she cannot come to harm." "Go tell Lady-in-waiting Bai that if she wants to die, she should wait a while." "At the very least, she should think of the Marquis of Loyalty and Righteousness's household, and think of that loyal maid by her side." Xiaoshu bowed: "Yes!" Only after Xiaoshu had left did Xie Run unfold the paper Bai Fu had written once more. Only to see: "The moon is cold, the sun is warm, together they simmer away a human life." These few words were written with such force that the ink pressed through the paper—one could see how utterly despairing the hand that wrote them had been. Xie Run let out a sigh, rolled up the paper, and lit it on the candle flame. Had there been no rebirth, perhaps Bai Fu would have lived like the other selection candidates in the palace, passing her days in peace and stability. Without excessive desires or expectations. Unfortunately, it was the Bai Fu of the previous life who now lived in this one. Perhaps every single day in this palace was, to her, a living hell. Once a person traps themselves, it is all but impossible to walk back out. Half a month after the Emperor returned to the capital, Lady-in-waiting Bai quietly passed away in a corner of Fanghua Palace. At the same time, news that the Emperor was to elevate Noble Consort Zhao to Empress spread throughout the Six Palaces.