Chapter 65: You’re So Bad, Yet I Still Love You
Outside the wall, inside the wall.
Different scenes intertwined, composing a heartbreaking tale of missed connections.
The sound of hoofbeats was drowned out by children’s laughter. After turning the corner of the alley, they entered a bustling main street, then gradually faded away and disappeared into the crowd.
After circling half the city, Pei Zhouwu finally reached his destination.
The courtyard before him was far from the crowds—a truly quiet and peaceful place.
This was also Shen Xiunian’s intention.
Having Pei Zhouwu live farther away was always beneficial to him.
“General.” Not long after entering the room, Kong Linyu, his subordinate and personal attendant, knocked on Pei Zhouwu’s door. “A letter from Shangjing City has arrived.”
A moment later, the door opened.
“General, before I left, I instructed that if any letters addressed to you arrived from Shangjing, the couriers should deliver them to the post station here. When I went to inquire at the post station just now, a letter had indeed arrived this morning.”
“Thank you for your trouble.” Pei Zhouwu took the letter.
“It was no trouble. I also asked the attendants here to call for a physician earlier. They should arrive soon.”
“Good. You may go and rest now.”
After his subordinate left, Pei Zhouwu closed the door and entered the room. He then sat down at the desk by the window and opened the letter in his hand.
It was a letter from his family.
His mother’s handwriting was warm, but the contents of the letter disappointed him.
He had lost count of how many times he had experienced such disappointment.
In summary, the letter still conveyed the same message: Su Yueying had not been found.
Three years had passed, and the final battle in Yunnan had dragged on for over half a year. In total, nearly four years had gone by.
Four years!
By all logic, even a mouse should have been found by now.
“A Ying, you really are better at hiding than a mouse.”
He put the letter away, folding it neatly, side by side, before tucking it back into the envelope. Rising, he walked toward the storage cabinet behind him. On the cabinet lay the armor he had just removed and a Glowworm Wooden Hairpin.
The hairpin had lost its original luster but appeared smooth and polished.
This was because he often held it in his hand, caressing it.
“What, are you truly a spirit who took human form in the mountains?”
The Glowworm Wooden Hairpin returned to his palm. He looked down at it with the same tenderness as before, his thumb gently stroking the carved glowworm on the hairpin, his movements filled with lingering affection.
“So, after parting at Xiangshan, you went back to cultivating.”
He sighed softly, the sigh brimming with nostalgia for the past.
“Or perhaps, when you returned to your true form, someone hunted you down, and you’ve already…”
He shook his head, knowing full well that these were just lighthearted jokes he told himself to ease the pain.
The soft sigh turned into a heavy one, filled with the sorrow of all these years of separation.
Unconsciously, his eyes gradually reddened, a thick mist gathering in his gaze. When his eyelids grew heavy, it seemed as though rain was about to fall.
“Su Yueying.”
“You’re so bad, never telling me the truth. But what can I do… I still love you.”
All these years.
Not a single day had he forgotten, not a single day had he not missed her.
That light that had shone into his barren years had never once faded from his heart. Instead, the longer time passed, the deeper his desire to possess it again grew, and the more reluctant he became to let go.
“Once the war is over, I will personally return to find you.”
“Wait for me. I have a lifetime to spend searching for you. You’d better hide well—don’t let me find you too easily.”
“…”
“Su Yueying, even if you’ve turned to bones, I will still want you.”
Inside the General’s Mansion.
At the entrance to Shen Xiunian’s room, a little boy waited eagerly.
From the moment he had rushed in excitedly until now, it was unclear how much time had passed. The maid behind him felt weary on his behalf, yet he himself had not uttered a single complaint.
“Young Master Xiyun, perhaps we should return to our own courtyard first. I heard the General is severely injured and might not be able to see anyone right now.”
Shen Xiyun did not fully understand what it meant to be injured and unable to see people. He only understood that they were being asked to leave, and immediately shook his head in refusal.
He absolutely had to see his father.
All the other children had fathers, but he did not. When he went out to play with his friends today, he was even laughed at.
The physician carrying a medicine chest came out from inside. As Zhang Ke, who was by Shen Xiunian’s side, escorted the physician away, he glanced back and saw Shen Xiyun still standing at the doorway. He couldn’t help but pull a face, showing a pained expression.
Such a delicate and lovely child—even he couldn’t help but feel fond of him.
He truly didn’t understand what his General was thinking.
That was his own son, who had eagerly asked to see him time and again, yet the General stubbornly refused.
Not allowed to enter, the child didn’t cry or make a fuss. He simply waited obediently at the door.
For such a young child to be so sensible was truly endearing.
Zhang Ke entered the room and couldn’t resist speaking up for Shen Xiyun. “General, the Old Madam should be waking from her afternoon nap soon. When she hears you’ve returned, she will surely come to see you. If she finds Young Master waiting neglected at the door, she might get angry.”
“…”
Shen Xiunian looked toward the doorway, his gaze drifting far away with memories.
Over the years, he had only returned home twice. The first time was when the child was six months old. At that time, the child was still too young to show any resemblance. But the second time he returned was when the child was two years old, and he noticed that both children, especially Shen Xinian, bore a striking resemblance to Pei Zhouwu.
Since then, even when he had free time, he was unwilling to return home.
Seeing the children’s faces would remind him of Pei Zhouwu, of the foolishness of his past sympathy for him.
The father of the children could be anyone, but it absolutely could not be Pei Zhouwu.
“General?”
Shen Xiunian adjusted his collar and finally relented for his mother’s sake. “Let him in.”
“Yes.”
Zhang Ke smiled and turned back, soon leading Shen Xiyun into the room.
“Go on, you must miss your father. Go to his side.” Zhang Ke gently nudged the child, encouraging him not to be afraid.
But after being refused entry to see his father multiple times, Shen Xiyun was afraid his father didn’t like him, so he felt somewhat reserved.
Shen Xiunian suppressed his emotions, and indeed, as soon as he saw the child’s face, he felt displeasure.
“Why are you standing so far away?”
His tone was harsh as he spoke, almost like scolding.
“If there’s nothing else, return to your courtyard. Study more and learn more characters. You’ll be three years old in a few months—it’s time to start your education.”
“Father.” Shen Xiyun took small steps closer, nervously saying, “I’ve learned… Uncle Yiliang taught me to recognize characters.”
The way he called out “Father” was soft and clear, melting hearts—but it did nothing to soften Shen Xiunian’s heart. Instead, it only made his eyes flash with anger.
Come to think of it, it was fortunate that Shen Yiliang had come first.
During his previous return, he had also met Shen Yiliang once. That man’s face bore some resemblance to Pei Zhouwu and also shared similarities with the two children.
Thanks to him, everyone had come to accept that even without a blood relationship, it was possible for people to look alike.
Otherwise, how could Pei Zhouwu’s situation have been explained away?
A considerable number of people in this mansion had been brought over from Shangjing, and many had seen Pei Zhouwu at least once or twice. Seeing the two children bearing such a resemblance to Pei Zhouwu inevitably raised suspicions.
“You should go back now. I need to rest.”
After only a few words, Shen Xiunian was already urging him to leave.
Shen Xiyun was reluctant to go, but seeing his father’s fierce expression, he dared not provoke his anger. His conflicted feelings brought tears to his eyes.
Noticing the situation turning tense, Zhang Ke, who was standing behind, quickly stepped forward, took Shen Xiyun by the hand, and led him away as they made their exit.