Chapter 15: He’s About to Be Bullied into Tears by Himself…
The Princess’s words were an eternal truth, and Guan Xuan understood this perfectly well: one must act according to one’s position. He could not both desire the favor bestowed by the Princess and resent her superior’s temperament. It was impossible to expect her to gently coax him while also demanding that she be effortlessly satisfied with him. Being treated as less than human was indeed painful, but he could not blame the Princess—his fate had nothing to do with her.
If he wanted something from her, he must first please her.
Guan Xuan began by removing his mask. Human lives were equally lowly, but he had always been more like a wild beast in the mountains, fighting for survival out of instinct. He had never learned to flatter others—he simply did not know how. Yet, after emerging into the world, he had seen many people groveling on their knees. Guan Xuan knelt down and crawled on his knees toward the Princess.
During this process, he gazed up at the Princess’s calm face, shifting between light and shadow, and for a moment, his mind grew hazy. This was not the Princess’s command, nor was it her forcing him down by pressing on his chest—it was his own voluntary choice. What was he doing this for?
For the fleeting tenderness she offered after her stormy moods? For the chance that, once satisfied, she might gently wrap her arms around him? Guan Xuan stared blankly, his eyes empty. From a very young age, he had understood that all embraces in this world came at a price and were dangerous. The Princess did not have to embrace him, yet she had. In his heart, he believed that seeking an embrace from the Princess was safe—was that why he was kneeling here now?
Guan Xuan gently rested his hands on the Princess’s knees, observing her expression to gauge whether she permitted this, whether she liked it. The Princess turned a page of her book, giving no indication either way. Guan Xuan parted her rounded knees slightly and looked there.
He took the soft silk into his mouth, his tongue tracing the delicate patterns woven into the fabric. With his vision limited, his fingers could only travel upward from the Princess’s knees, finding the small of her back. The fastenings of her clothing there were intricate, but he was already familiar enough to quickly undo the double knot of the silk at the dip of her waist. The Princess hummed in satisfaction, adjusting her posture and allowing him to grip her waist and hips firmly.
Removing the silk allowed direct contact, making licking and sucking more agile. Guan Xuan heard the sound of the book falling onto the couch as the Princess lazily reclined. The sound of wetness intertwined with her soft moans, and under his practiced, instinctive skill, they gradually fell into rhythm.
Rain sprayed down, dampening his brows and lashes. Guan Xuan swallowed, lifting his head to see if the Princess was satisfied. The Princess looked languid, her gaze drifting down lazily to watch the cat. Her fingertips trembled occasionally, connected to the subtle movements of her body.
The cat’s face showed no flattery or fawning; his expression was simple, no different from when he carried out tasks. Yet the combination of his eager swallowing, meticulous licking, and restrained strength in his arms, paired with such an innocent gaze, was intriguing. His eyes held only one meaning: to ask whether she was satisfied. It was a clumsy attempt at seduction. Zhao Rongzhang amusedly stroked his head, suspecting that this beautiful skull truly housed only the thoughts of a cat. Still, she liked this purity.
After licking until only a trickle remained, Guan Xuan gazed intently into the Princess’s eyes, knowing she was very satisfied. But he still hadn’t figured out what to do next. Every time before, she had forcefully pinned him down and commanded him. Guan Xuan lowered his lashes and thought for a moment, deciding to take things one step at a time. If he could pique the Princess’s interest, she would naturally press him down herself.
Guan Xuan lowered his head and untied his wrist guards, placing them neatly on the ground along with his mask. Then he bared his chest, folding his clothes and setting them aside. He looked up—the Princess merely leaned to the side, picking up the book again, occasionally glancing at him before returning to her reading.
Kneeling, Guan Xuan looked down at his own body. What would he do if the Princess showed no interest in him?
He recalled how the Princess had pinched and teased him when she straddled his waist, recalling every expression she wore in those moments. Especially the first time, when she had haphazardly kneaded, pinched, and toyed with him at will. Seeing his pain, the corner of her lips had curled with even greater interest. There was a penchant for cruelty in her nature, though not a severe one.
The Princess was reading, so Guan Xuan cautiously nudged her knee. The Princess lifted her eyelids slightly, and Guan Xuan knew his opportunity was limited to this. His right hand reached for his own chest. His face was already flushed crimson, his gaze fixed intently on her eyes. Even as his heart repeatedly questioned what he was doing, his hands began to move, mimicking her kneading and pinching.
Zhao Rongzhang lowered the book, watching this little weapon of hers—so shy, yet so wanton—as he imitated her in tormenting himself. He was rather heavy-handed with himself; after just a few moments, his fair, full chest and abdominal muscles were already red and swollen. Those clumsy caresses eventually transformed into an inexperienced seduction, fermenting him into a jar of fruit wine exuding a pure, fragrant aroma.
The little weapon’s eyes were still fixed on her, but a faint mist seemed to gradually gather in his dark pupils, lending his gaze a crystalline, bewildered quality. Zhao Rongzhang had no doubt that he was about to be brought to tears by his own actions.
Zhao Rongzhang tossed the book aside once more, propping her chin as she looked down at him.
As the Princess drew closer, Guan Xuan’s heart grew heavier. He gazed into her eyes, unsure if she would grant him a little gentleness. At the same time, he didn’t know whether such gentleness, earned this way, could soothe his aching heart.
His fate had nothing to do with her, yet it had everything to do with himself. In the past, even when he cried, it was only because someone in this world had bullied him, had caused him pain. Gradually, he had grown accustomed to it, and after that, the pain was no longer pain. Now, he desperately wanted to cry, yet no one was bullying him, no one was causing him pain. If he had to blame anyone, it was himself. Would his fate resent him?
This was indeed a fresh kind of pain, one he would need time to grow accustomed to.
The Princess was very close now, but she didn’t hook the back of his spine with her foot as she had before, pressing him down along his shoulders. Instead, she stepped down. Guan Xuan watched as she crouched before him.
The distance between them narrowed to its closest when their gazes met at eye level. Guan Xuan looked timidly into her pupils, his hands still caressing his own chest. Suddenly, his pectoral muscles were cupped from the side. The Princess’s fingertips glided over them, and she chuckled softly, “You’re quite heavy-handed. It won’t look good if you bruise them.”
Guan Xuan continued to stare unblinkingly into her eyes. If he could speak, he would surely say something to her. Fortunately, he couldn’t—he had no idea what to say.
The Princess was quite right not to regard him as human. If he could also completely stop seeing himself as human, he wouldn’t suffer these strange pains.
Zhao Rongzhang saw that Little Cat’s eyes were already filled with glistening tears, which might fall with just a slight bow of his head. She lowered her gaze to watch her fingertips gently kneading the reddened swellings, feeling an unusual sensation in her heart. Little Cat was truly strange—what he asked of her was strange. She was of noble status, and her imperial father and mother were even more so. Countless people had schemed tirelessly to ask things of them, seeking nothing more than gold, silver, treasures, high positions, generous salaries, and glory for their families. Such desires were easy to understand—who didn’t love wealth and power? Even she herself loved them dearly.
Little Cat had never asked anything of her, not once in these four years. Rather than resembling a cat, he was more like a piece of wood—a piece of wood entirely devoid of desire.
That year, Ren Ping had told her that a killing weapon forged in bloodshed like him recognized only the scent of blood, not people. If he couldn’t be firmly controlled, he would inevitably turn on his master. So, Ren Ping had fed him a type of Gu poison to ensure that if he ever developed disloyal thoughts, the Gu worm would immediately grow and torment him until every bone in his body was gnawed to dust. All these years, the Gu poison had never once acted up.
It turned out he did have desires—his desire was for her embrace. Something so simple, of course she could give it. Zhao Rongzhang realized he truly was an extremely foolish person. After walking the line between life and death all these years, what he ultimately wanted was something so intangible and insubstantial.
She could give it, but she was no benevolent master. If she could devour him completely, why wouldn’t she? Zhao Rongzhang placed her palm on his hip, patting it twice. The cat understood her meaning, lowering his lashes and bowing his head as he undid himself. Zhao Rongzhang sat atop him, watching his expression shift slightly as she accommodated him. He gasped, blinking, and tears fell with the motion. But once they started, it was as if a floodgate had opened—his brows furrowed together, and tears rolled out one after another.
He was crying more intensely than ever before.
Zhao Rongzhang truly didn’t know what was wrong with him. Moving gently and shallowly, she stroked his skin and looked into his eyes, asking, “Why are you crying? Isn’t this what you wanted?”
Thanks to him being mute, he didn’t have to answer every question. Guan Xuan had no idea how to answer. This pain was too new; even he didn’t know what it was. He simply stopped looking into the Princess’s eyes and stopped looking at himself. He looked elsewhere—at the flickering candle flame, at the bed curtains stirred by a gentle breeze. No deity came to save him, but fortunately, no demons harmed him either.
He watched for a while, tears still flowing fiercely. He bit his lower lip until it bled, but he couldn’t hold back. The Princess wouldn’t lie to him—if she was satisfied, she would surely give it to him. But he had lied to himself. Even if he was embraced, his heart would continue to ache.
Just as this thought crossed his mind, his waist was truly encircled. They sat facing each other, the position awkward, but the embrace the Princess gave was larger than ever before. Her arms wrapped around his back, and his chest pressed against her shoulder. He had received it, and the comfort his heart felt was still greater than he had imagined. From this moment on, it wasn’t so painful anymore. He felt he truly was a cat waiting to have its fur smoothed, but unfortunately, he had no fur and would never be smoothed.
Zhao Rongzhang felt as though she was holding a large, human-shaped cat. She understood why he was crying. She rubbed his body to comfort him, gradually easing him down while deeply embracing him, wrapping her arms around his neck and holding his body from the side.
As she leaned against his chest, she could see his obedient face, his restrained tears. His eyelashes drooped like the folded wings of a butterfly. She smoothed his hair, wiping away the tears that were about to trickle into his ears, and praised him, “You did very well, good boy.”