Chapter 65: Let Him Feel That He Is Still…

The young man suddenly stopped struggling, burying his head against her chest as his breathing gradually steadied. He tightened his arms, wanting so desperately to keep her close, yet his hands clutching her sleeves would loosen and tighten intermittently, betraying the turmoil within him.

Zhao Rongzhang felt a damp patch spread across the front of her robe. She sighed softly and traced words on his back: “You’re alive. We’re both alive. I won’t abandon you.”

Guan Xuan truly grew still then, as if uncertain how to respond.

Zhao Rongzhang kissed his cheek again and began removing his bloodstained inner garment, unwinding the soiled bandages to prepare for changing his dressings. Once he was fully exposed, she surveyed the wounds scattered across his body, wiped her hands clean, opened the medicine chest beside her, scooped some medicinal paste onto her palm, and applied it carefully to each injury.

The familiarity of her movements reminded Guan Xuan of the days and nights spent in exile with the Princess. He recalled the campfire by the stream, the scalding-hot roasted fish. He gestured to her: “I can’t see.”

Zhao Rongzhang remained silent, continuing to apply the medicine.

“I can’t hear.”

Zhao Rongzhang spread the ointment over the wounds on his back, then moved to his legs and arms. Feeling the Princess’s hands reach his knees, Guan Xuan shamefully grasped her wrist and conveyed: “I can do it myself. The Princess shouldn’t have to care for me.”

He must have believed himself useless now, his heart likely aching tenfold, a hundredfold more than when he thought himself in hell. Zhao Rongzhang understood him well—even if she plainly told him now that these conditions could be treated, he wouldn’t believe it.

Zhao Rongzhang washed her hands and placed the medicine jar in his palm, letting him apply it himself. Barely able to move, he smeared it messily and unevenly. Zhao Rongzhang didn’t intervene, only helped wipe away a little excess. Once the wounds were all covered, she handed him the bandages. He struggled to wrap them, perhaps from years of tending his own injuries, and managed surprisingly well. Zhao Rongzhang only helped tie a few knots.

After a moment of shared silence, Zhao Rongzhang had someone bring in a bowl of warm sweet porridge. She spooned it to his lips to feed him, the steam from the bowl misting his silent face. After a few breaths, he opened his mouth and accepted it, looking utterly docile.

The porcelain spoon clinked softly against the bowl. After just two spoonfuls, the young man took her hand and lifted the bowl himself.

Once he finished eating, Zhao Rongzhang brought him the medicine. After he drank it, she kissed his cheek, embraced him again, and wrote: “Even like this, you are still lovable.”

Tears fell from Guan Xuan’s unfocused eyes. He didn’t understand how things had come to this. Even if the Princess liked him now, it was only temporary pity and heartache. No one could love a living piece of flesh that couldn’t hear or see—he held no value to her anymore. Once his physical wounds healed completely, even her pity would vanish, and she would grow weary of him and cast him aside.

To personally experience being abandoned and discarded by her would be more painful and agonizing than dying alone. Guan Xuan feared this not-so-distant future.

Old Man Wu had added many sleep-inducing herbs to the prescription, saying it would be good for him to take this opportunity to rest more. Coupled with the youth’s worry about troubling her, Zhao Rongzhang had only held him for a short while before he voluntarily said he wanted to lie down. Zhao Rongzhang tucked in his blanket before leaving.

Zhao Rongzhang knew his unease and pain, things that could not be changed with just a few words. But given enough time, he would come to understand her sincerity. Before long, when his eyes and ears recovered and he could speak again, he would be happier than he could imagine.

Ming Luo had arrived before the hour of the ox today and had just woken up. When Zhao Rongzhang went over, she was holding hands with Shuang An, talking.

Ming Luo still harbored some resentment over the Princess’s willful departure that night, but upon learning that Guan Xuan was now out of danger, she was also happy for the Princess. Su Tan was tied up with important matters but arrived in the afternoon. Now that everyone was gathered, the discussion became lively and intense.

Prince Su, aware of her stance, sent this letter along with a military tally. The letter was brief, stating that he would transfer the five thousand elite soldiers from his son Zhao Yu’s independent battalion to the Princess for her full command. Once Zhao Yu handed over the troops, he would coordinate with the Princess from inside and outside to breach Jiangnan Prefecture. Meanwhile, Prince Su would bypass Haishan Pass and head directly north. The three would join forces and together clear the court of treacherous ministers.

“No one is better at scheming than this old prince. Although he handed over military authority, he sent his own eldest son to share power. With their own raised soldiers and a son present, it’s uncertain who they will truly obey,” Shuang An mocked.

“But five thousand elite soldiers in an independent battalion still shows his sincerity. With these troops, we have the foundation to gradually expand.”

“Exactly. I’ve heard that this Prince Su’s son, Zhao Yu, is gentle and refined, exceptionally intelligent since childhood, and highly respected in the southwestern region. Princess, you must be cautious of him,” Su Tan reminded.

Zhao Rongzhang toyed with the small military tally in her hand. “We’ll see when this Prince Su’s son arrives. Only when these five thousand elite soldiers are truly under my command will I hand over the blueprint of Haishan Pass to his father.”

Half a month later, news of Prince Su’s rebellion spread everywhere. The court and the public were shocked, and orders were immediately issued for all prefectures to conscript soldiers and prepare for battle, vowing to resist to the death. However, with too many natural and man-made disasters over the past two years, the people were impoverished and unable to fight back. Prefectures retreated step by step, and some even opened their city gates and surrendered outright.

Meanwhile, Zhao Yu led the five thousand elite soldiers through Haishan Pass. Zhao Rongzhang had Su Tan forge official military transfer documents for him and bribed key garrison commanders in important prefectures, allowing him to stealthily reach the outskirts of Jiangnan Prefecture in less than a month.

In two more days, Zhao Rongzhang would be able to take over command of the troops from him.

By October, as autumn turned to winter, it grew increasingly cold. Zhao Rongzhang selected several black fox pelts and had a black fox fur robe tailored to Guan Xuan’s measurements.

Guan Xuan’s body had an astonishing ability to heal. The visible wounds had almost completely recovered, and now he only needed daily acupuncture and medicinal baths. Although his eyes and ears were still not healed, he had surprisingly adapted to a world without light or sound. Relying on his sense of smell and perception, he could walk on his own and take care of himself.

Zhao Rongzhang draped the black fox fur robe over him. He tilted his face, feeling the soft fox fur, and lowered his eyelashes.

Could it be that he doesn’t like it? He can’t see anyway, as long as it’s warm, that should be enough. Zhao Rongzhang raised an eyebrow, admiringly looking him over. This fox fur cloak suited him well. She wrote in his palm: “Beautiful.”

Zhao Rongzhang would spend some time with him every day, checking on his injuries and condition. But she had other matters to attend to, never staying for more than an hour each time. Today was no different—with the imminent transfer of military authority, there were too many things requiring her attention.

After finishing her routine questions, Zhao Rongzhang released his hand and stood up to leave. But before she could take a step, the young man unexpectedly grasped her wrist.

Zhao Rongzhang turned back, and the boy moved his grip from her wrist to her forearm, showing no intention of letting go. She touched his face and wrote on it: “Don’t want me to leave?”

Writing on the face of someone who was blind, deaf, and mute was undeniably intimate. Guan Xuan, like a yearning cat, lifted his face to follow the movement of her fingertip. His lips finally brushed against her finger, and he nuzzled it earnestly before nodding to her.

This surprised Zhao Rongzhang—it was the first time he had actively expressed reluctance to see her go, hoping she would stay.

So Zhao Rongzhang turned back, gently cradling his face.

Guan Xuan wrapped his arms around her waist, burying his face against her abdomen. With his other hand, he began to remove the fox fur cloak the Princess had just draped over him, followed by the black outer robe, and then the snow-white inner garment.

Zhao Rongzhang’s hand was guided by his to rest on his smooth, fair shoulder. The scar left by the healed wound here, after daily application of high-quality medicine, had already begun to fade, and it felt pleasant to the touch. Faced with his clear invitation, Zhao Rongzhang readily complied, lowering her head to kiss his eyes, his nose, his lips, and removing the rest of his clothing as well.

Guan Xuan kissed the Princess, finally waiting until she pressed him down. He undid himself, then the Princess’s skirt, piece by piece. The Princess was gentle with him, tender in every detail. Her gentleness reassured him, making him feel that he was still cherished by her.

The veins on his forehead tensed as she gave more, yet he only craved more in return. Guan Xuan kissed her, holding her back, trailing kisses down to her neck and the beating of her heart. He savored, endured, demanded, and gave in turn.

Zhao Rongzhang gripped his hair, moaning in disarray as she watched his expression. Even after prolonged illness, his body remained strong and beautiful, now tinged with a faint flush. The fresh scars stood out more vividly in color and were more sensitive to touch, eliciting stronger reactions from him.

Unable to see or make a sound, tears streamed from his unfocused, vacant eyes that still shone like gemstones—gemstones that held her clear reflection. His alluring lips parted slightly, releasing ragged, deep breaths.

He surrendered to her, capable of nothing but demanding and enduring. A creature of desire.

Zhao Rongzhang kissed him deeply and heavily, sinking into the moment.

They continued until dusk, as the silver charcoal in the brazier burned low and the room grew cold with the setting sun. Yet their bodies were drenched in sweat, feeling only heat and exhilaration.

Guan Xuan embraced the Princess’s body, reluctant to part, continuously kissing her neck and jaw. Only when Zhao Rongzhang pressed down his wandering hand once more did he reluctantly stop. Afterward, he tried to dress the Princess as he had before, but she refused.

Someone outside announced that it had begun to snow.

Several screens were set up, and the maidservants lowered their heads as they prepared the hot water before withdrawing. After bathing, she pushed open the door and walked out to the corridor. Zhao Rongzhang’s black fox fur cloak, draped over her shoulders, spread open slightly as she leaned against him. She rested against his body, watching the scattered snowflakes drifting under the lantern light.

“Even if your □□ is no longer beautiful, I will not abandon you,” Zhao Rongzhang said to the vast night sky, slowly tracing words into his palm as she spoke. “I sincerely like you, love you. I want you by my side forever.”

Guan Xuan kept his eyes open, facing a void of silent darkness, the entire world reduced to nothing but the Princess’s fingertips gently moving across his palm. So she knew everything…

She knew his unease, his pain. She understood all of him—his clumsy attempts at seduction, his desperate need to prove his worth.

She knew it all, understood it all, yet she did not look down on him. Instead, she accepted everything about him with grace.

She said she loved him…

Guan Xuan felt his hand being lifted by hers, his fingers spread open and exposed to the world. Flecks of coolness landed on his fingertips and palm, melting almost instantly.

In her world and his, it was snowing.