Chapter 18: A Proposal. Why couldn’t she be his wife?

Shen Ji’s heart unconsciously sped up.

The night was cold, but at this moment, the tips of his ears were faintly burning.

In truth, if he thought back carefully, he shouldn’t have been surprised.

He remembered their first meeting at the zhuangzi in the capital’s outskirts. She had still been ill then, having just survived an assassination attempt, yet she had still stepped forward of her own accord to speak up for him, and had even stared at him for a long time. Afterward, she had thanked him, sent him gifts, and sought his help time and again.

Whenever she saw him, her eyes would sparkle.

So, it really was adoration.

Those words also reached Doukou’s ears.

Doukou’s eyes widened abruptly, suspecting she had misheard. “What did you just say, Miss? What deep affection? For Young Master Shen? You…”

She thought, Isn’t the person in Miss’s heart the Heir Apparent? Has her affection shifted to someone else? No wonder she’s been going to Qingfeng Courtyard so often lately.

“It’s nothing, you misheard.” Su Zhenyue interrupted Doukou in a flustered, defensive manner. “I—I was just hoping Cousin Shen would pass the imperial examination with flying colors.”

Her tone was perfectly shy.

Shen Ji could almost imagine her cheeks flushing red.

Doukou was young and simple-minded, and she had always admired her mistress. She asked with some suspicion, “Did I mishear? Alright then.”

After a moment’s thought, she said with a grin, “But I think Young Master Shen is quite nice too. Back at the zhuangzi, if it weren’t for him, we would have all died. You also said Young Master Shen has great talent, far beyond what the Heir Apparent can compare to.”

“Alright, Doukou, that’s enough.” Fearing she would say something she shouldn’t, Su Zhenyue cut her off again and changed the subject. “Look, this incense is about to burn out. Once it’s finished, we’ll head back.”

It seemed Shen Ji wasn’t going to show himself directly tonight. At this distance, he should have heard what she said, right?

“Mhm, mhm.” Doukou nodded.

The time it took for an incense stick to burn was neither long nor short. Soon, the incense had burned to ash.

Together, Su Zhenyue and Doukou carefully cleaned up the remains and left the place side by side.

The night was quiet, with only the occasional call of an unknown insect or bird, as if nothing had happened at all.

It was not until long after they had left that Shen Ji emerged from behind the tree.

The ground was spotless, showing no trace of the offering. Only the phrase “see my deep affection” still echoed in his ears.

…

After leaving the Apricot Grove, Su Zhenyue’s heart was still pounding, and her legs felt so weak that she had to lean on Doukou’s hand for support.

She felt a little better only after forcing herself to walk a few steps.

“Miss, did your legs go numb from kneeling just now?” Doukou noticed something was amiss and asked with concern. “Do you need to rest for a bit before we continue?”

Su Zhenyue gave a vague reply, “I’m much better.”

She knew that the step she had taken tonight was very risky, and a bit impulsive. But time was short, and she couldn’t think of a better way.

If Shen Ji had no feelings for her, he would probably avoid her or tactfully reject her from now on. If he was interested in her, perhaps it would unconsciously show in his words and actions in the future.

Regardless of whether it would ultimately succeed, given Shen Ji’s character, he was unlikely to gossip about her behind her back.

Doukou looked up at the sky. “Huh, Miss, there’s no moon tonight.”

Su Zhenyue subconsciously glanced up. The night sky was heavy and dark, without a single star or the moon.

“No, there isn’t.” After a few moments of silence, she added, “But there will be in a few days.”

Once she overcame this calamity and distanced herself from all this trouble, she would live a very good life in the future.

The distance from the Apricot Grove to the West Wing Courtyard wasn’t very far. They didn’t encounter anyone else along the way.

However, just as they reached the entrance to the West Wing Courtyard, they saw a person standing in the shadows by the gate.

Doukou jumped in fright. “Who’s there?”

Hearing the sound, the person quickly took a few steps forward into the light and cupped his hands. “Miss Su, it’s me, Xiao Wu.”

Su Zhenyue recognized him as Gu Yuanchen’s trusted personal servant.

“It’s so late. What are you doing here?”

“Today is the anniversary of General Su’s death. Knowing it was inconvenient for you to go out, the Heir Apparent has already sent someone to pay respects at the grave. Please don’t worry, Miss Su.”

Su Zhenyue was taken aback, a mix of complex emotions washing over her. She hadn’t expected Gu Yuanchen to remember.

But since she had already drawn a clear line, she shouldn’t let things drag on.

For Gu Yuanchen, the impact might be minimal. But for her, it could very well be fatal.

“I understand. Please thank the Heir Apparent for me. Also, please relay a message to him for me: I will handle my own affairs, and he need not trouble himself with them any longer.” Su Zhenyue’s voice was soft, but her tone was extremely resolute.

“This…” Xiao Wu looked troubled. He took a deep breath and added, “There is one more thing. Although the Princess of the Commandery has returned to the estate, please rest assured, Miss Su, your safety will absolutely not be a problem.”

“I understand, thank you. But my stance remains the same.”

“Miss Su, you…” Xiao Wu’s lips moved, but he stopped himself. He felt a bit of sympathy for Miss Su, but also a bit of confusion.

The Heir Apparent couldn’t decide on the matter of the imperial marriage decree, and he wasn’t the one who had ordered her assassination. On the contrary, the Heir Apparent had been working tirelessly to find the truth. The way she was acting, it was as if she was blaming the Heir Apparent for everything.

As Gu Yuanchen’s confidant, he couldn’t help but feel indignant on the Heir Apparent’s behalf, but he couldn’t say much. Now that the message was delivered, he cupped his hands and took his leave.

Doukou was a servant born and raised in the Marquis Estate. At this moment, she couldn’t help but whisper, “Miss, actually, the Heir Apparent is really…”

“Doukou, let’s not talk about that. Let’s go inside, I’m getting a little cold,” Su Zhenyue interrupted her gently.

“Oh, alright,” Doukou said quickly.

Perhaps because it was a special day and she had been through a lot, Su Zhenyue tossed and turned that night, unable to fall asleep.

After a long while, she finally managed to drift off, but her sleep was fitful, filled with one dream after another.

One moment, Shen Ji was ruthlessly rejecting her. The next, it was her wedding night, and she looked up to see Yuan Ye’s face. Then she was at the bottom of a cliff, both her legs broken. Then she was being sliced in half at the waist by Gu Yuanchen’s sword…

When Su Zhenyue awoke with a start from her dream, her back was still drenched in a cold sweat.

It was still early, but she couldn’t fall back asleep.

Su Zhenyue was not the only one who had trouble sleeping that night.

The wintersweet in the study had not yet completely withered. Shen Ji stood before the desk, looking at it for a long time.

Inside the white porcelain vase, the tender yellow blossoms exuded a cold, faint fragrance.

In the desk drawer lay the pen case and hand warmer that Su Zhenyue had sent.

—Shen Ji had not yet used these things. They had lain there quietly ever since he received them.

The Spring Examination was imminent. He shouldn’t be distracted, let alone consider matters of marriage. But the thought of her words, “see my deep affection,” sent a subtle tremor through Shen Ji’s heart.

He realized that he didn’t seem to mind her admiration. In fact, beyond the surprise and shock, there was even a secret hint of joy deep within him.

To him, Su Zhenyue was undoubtedly special.

She was beautiful and clever, and her background was pitiable. When he was with her, he always found his heart softening, whether intentionally or not.

All was silent, save for the occasional pop of a candlewick flaring.

A vague idea suddenly formed in Shen Ji’s mind: if he was destined to marry in this life, then why couldn’t she be his wife?

Once this thought emerged, it could no longer be suppressed. Instead, it grew clearer and clearer.

That’s right. Since she was interested in him, and he found it hard to refuse her, then he would simply propose marriage after the Spring Examination.

By then, he would have passed the imperial examination with flying colors, which would show even more sincerity and respect.

Hmm, perhaps he could ask Old Madam Wen to act as a matchmaker.

As for the enemies Su Zhenyue had made, that was not a major problem. If he was to be with her, he would naturally bear her dangers and her past alongside her.

After making this decision, Shen Ji felt a great sense of relief, and the corners of his lips couldn’t help but curve up slightly.

It was almost midnight, and the Jing An Marquis Estate was silent.

Yet Shen Ji practiced his sword in the courtyard for a full hour.